Debating To Keep Or To Abort

5 Replies
snapdragon222 - February 21

I am 29 and in a committed relationship with a wonderful man. I am currently in the throws of a tumultous divorce which won't finalize until July due to CA law. My ex is still in love with me and trying desperately to win me back. But after years of mental, emotional, and even s_xual abuse, I cannot go back to him. Even though we have a beautiful 10 year old son together (who happens to have ADHD and Aspergers Syndrome). I have been in this relationship now for 3 months and we now find ourselves pregnant. This was completely unplanned. I have been unable to get pregnant and have used no BC since my 10 year old was born. He also has been careless with BC and has a 9 year old. I don't know how, but we're expecting. I am still on my exes insurance until the divorce finalizes in July and then I'll have to get on my work plan which has a huuuuge deductible. I'm due in October. My new guy, despite being wonderful, doesn't make much money. And though I am gainfully employed full time and make enough to sustain myself, it's not enough to cover what will surely be an inexorbitant amount of medical debt, not to mention the costs of caring for a child. He really wants to keep it. But I just don't see how we can do it :'( Our families are really excited, but none are in a financial situation to offer much help. I also do not like the idea of working full time and leaving my baby to be cared for by others. Any advice? I'm so torn. It's early enough to where I can abort with the pill and maybe try again when we're "ready" but he's convinced that this is a sign and that we shouldn't for the sake of convenience. Any imput would be most welcome. Thanks.


snapdragon222 - February 21

This will also affect my plans to go to nursing school, and will probably throw my ex into a psychotic fit. This is a disaster! But I love my boyfriend and we believe we're soulmates and wanna get married. The whole shabang. I'm also afraid of how my special needs child will react to this! AH! Advice please! :(


Grandpa Viv - February 21

Pretty complicated. My wife has a sensible view on relationships, which is that marriage should be delayed until you have dated for a year and have spent one major holiday with each other's family. My version was that you should have a backpacking trip together when it rained most of the time. In a nutshell, 3 months is not long enough to know that a relationship is for real. People can pull the wool over your eyes for that long and more. If you can handle the prospect of terminating, it's not my place to discourage you. GL!


Xerxella - February 22

Of course, only you can make this decision. But, the best advice I ever heard was when you have a tough decision to make wake up one day and imagine that you have made the decision (even if you haven't). Live, feel, accept and plan for that decision. The next day, wake up and "decide" the exact opposite decision. Live, feel, accept and plan for that decision. Live your life and go through all the emotions of each decision for that day. Hopefully, one will be easier to live with than the other and your choice will be clear. Peace. P.S. It looks like x-dh was the one with the fertility problem!


JC3 - March 8

Have you thought of adoption?


snapdragon222 - March 8

I could never give up my child for adoption. I know the minute I held it, it'd be all over. In the end we decided to keep :) He put my fears to rest by a__suring me that he wanted this baby and to be with me more than anything in the world. He's been extremely doting and kind and seems truly in love with both me and his unborn child. Which was something my ex never did when I was carrying our son. In fact he was never around because he had left me for another woman (or women I should say) during that period of time and only came to his senses once I was ready to deliver. I now realize this child is my redemption for the horrific experience I had with my first pregnancy. I'm almost 30 and it's my last chance to experience motherhood the RIGHT way. With a loving and supportive man by my side. We had our first ultrasound last Friday. Baby is 8 1/2 weeks along and looks fine :) Thanks for your imput everyone!



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