Determining Paternity

9 Replies
Lulu - September 15

Hi I hope that somone out there can give me some advice or reassurance regarding my dilemma. I started my last period on 1st April and finished it on the 4th April, on the 14th April i had fully protected s_x (condoms) with my ex, when i say fully protected, i mean he didn't ejaculate in the condom, and actually ejaculated away from me totally after we had finished intercourse. On the 14th April my doctor gave me a check up and said i was about to ovulate. On the 17th April I had unprotected s_x with my present partner, and he ejaculated inside of me. I did a pregnancy test on 28th April and it was positive. I never doubted for one moment that my present partner was the father. Cos I'd had a miscarriage the year before, i had a scan early on in the pregnancy at 6 weeks 1 day, this dated me 1 day out of my dates (I considered myself 6 weeks 2 days), so of course i didn't think for one minute that my present partner wasn't the father. I have since had 5 scans because of a high miscarriage threat (10 wks, 13 wks, 16 wks, 20 wks) all of these have put me at 4 days more pregnant than the first scan, thus dating me at the time i had protected s_x with my ex. I am now 23 wks and 5 days (according to my dates), i had a scan last week that dated me 2 days out of my dates. As it happens my present partner has not been at all supportive and. even though he thinks the kid is his, has virtually abandoned me during this pregnancy. That aside, it has been causing me a considerable amount of stress as I just want someone to give me their unbiased opinion. in my heart despite what i want (ie my present partner to be the father), i still believe that my present partner is the father as i took such care to protect myself from my ex. But the scan is like a shadow hanging over me and i just don't want to live a lie, I'm actually beginning to dread giving birth, and I have dreams every night and feel anxious about this. Can anyone out there advise me, please? Apologises for the sum what graphic contents of my description, but i wanted to get the facts across. Thanks in advance.


HH - September 15

Lulu, I think it is too close to call. Your ex didn't put it in, even for a second unwrapped? If you don't want to live a lie, or be sure you aren't, you'll have to do a DNA test when the baby is born. My hunch is that it is your partner's. I've heard the first scan is the most reliable for dates. Good luck!


Lulu - September 15

Thanks for your reply HH. No he didn't put it in 'unwrapped' once...thanks again


Soleil - September 15

Well since u said you used protection the whole time and even when ur ex came he came outside then i really dont think he could be the father, ur present bf is most likely the father. You should either way do a DNA test. good luck!! Like HH said the first scan is the most reliable. On my first scan it said I would be due around the 15th of Jan. When i had my scan again at 20 weeks it said that I was further along and that I would be due the 9th of January. Well I had my baby on the 16th of January.


Lulu - September 19

I just noticed that i made a mistake with the above, just to confuse everybody more! I had protected s_x with my ex on 12th (not 14th), the rest of the dates are right ie, ovulating on the 14th, and unprotected s_x with my present partner on the 17th. Just for the record the kind words from HH etc have gone a long way to easing my anxiety, so thank you again. Lulu


ally - October 2

I'd say its your current partner who is the dad, i think joan's comment is a bit rough as she doesn't know u and we have all done thoughtless things, i do think that its time to stop mucking around with both of them and choose one especially if there is a baby on the way. If your current partner is being an a__s u need to talk to him .. all the best


To Joan - October 3

She came here for advice and support not critiscism. If you don't like what you read then ignore it. It isn't fair to her.


Lulu - October 3

Thank you Joan your holy than art att_tude, obviously you are an angel who has never done anything you this time I don't need the ignorance of a bitter, twisted individual such as yourself, get a life and look at yourself long and hard. To Ally , thank you for having a more diplomatic point of view. And for the record I haven't been 'mucking around' with both of them, it was one mistake, once, and one I deeply regret,,,but thanks again for your words. And to the last person, thank you for your support.


L - October 3

Lulu, I agree with HH who said that the first scan is most reliable for dating purposes. They usually use the 8 week scan for "dating" because after that the baby can develop at different rates, grow bigger or not as much as other babies etc. So I'd say it's your partner's, as that sounds more likely based both on dates and the first scan result. I'm sorry you are going through this confusion and then that you have to put up with narrow minded people who don't know how to say a helpful word. Good luck to you and your baby.


Lulu - October 3

L - thank you for your intelligent, articulate and kind response, it goes a long way to easing and calming my thoughts, thanks again.



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