Girlie Is Chasing Hubby He Disagrees Need Opinions Long

20 Replies
lynnstress - July 19

July 19, 2005 -- All right, boys and girls. Here's the story. In March this year, I went to Las Vegas with my mom and sister (it's an annual thing). This really has nothing to do with pregnancy, except for the fact that it was that week when I became pregnant, either right before or right after that trip to Vegas. When I returned, hubby told me what had gone on at home, INCLUDING young stupid girlie that he works with stopping by our house on St. Patrick's Day to ask my hubby if he wanted to go out drinking with her. He did not go, but they had a drink here before she left. I told him that she has a crush on him. He said "What? No!" et cetera. I said "I don't like this, and it better stop." He said "Wow, I've never seen you like this before." I said "That's right, honey. In ten years that we've been together, I never felt I had to be like this until now." Fast forward to this past weekend. Sunday hubby and my brother-in-law were going to be building us a deck. 2 of hubby's other friends were supposed to be coming as well. I asked hubby if he wanted to check his cell phone to see if the other 2 would still be coming; he said no, you check it. So I did. There was a message from me from earlier that week, a message from his best friend in another state, and a message from young stupid girlie that he works with from the night before, wanting to know if he wanted to go out for a drink with her!!! I told him about that message, and again I said "This does not make me happy, and it needs to stop." Needless to say, the other 2 friends never called or showed up that day. Hubby and I discussed this young stupid girlie situation when work was done for the day and we were home alone. I told him again that she has a crush on him, because a girl does not call a married man to go out drinknig with her unless she's after him. I say she thinks this is okay, because another couple of people they work with were having an affair last year, while his wife was pregnant with their second child. I also told hubby that isn't it strange that the only time she ever came over here by herself - meaning no party or poker game going on - was in March when I was out of town. I said "You better tell her she needs to stop this shit, or I will tell her. And I don't think you want ME to tell her." He said "What exactly do you want me to say?" I said "You can tell her that she needs to find someone her own age and her own gender to be a drinking buddy - NOT my husband. You can tell her that she never needs to come to my house again..." and several other things I can't even remember anymore. He said "I'll tell her that my wife thinks it's innapprpriate for her to be calling me" and other such things; I said "Don't say it like that or your whole gang will hear about it, and I don't need that either." He said he would figure out how he would say these things. I said "Fine, as long as you do it, because, like I said, I'm sure you don't want ME to do it." I've only told a few people about this in the past 2 days, and they all have the same reaction, and agree with me that she is after him, and that it is highly innappropriate for her to be calling him to go drinking with her. She is in her early 20's and from a very small town. Hubby and I are in our late 30's, and this is our first baby. He has even tried to say I'm reacting like this due to hormones. I tell him no, it's because I know what's she's thinking better than you do. I believe that hubby has not cheated and would not cheat on me. He always says that he wouldn't, because he married into a family full of Marines and police officers. And my mother works for high $$$ divorce lawyers who all want to have a case in the county we live in - because the woman always wins! I know this has been very long, but I really needed to have a little rant and get it off my chest. I want to see what a majority of people think about this little situation, and if most agree with me as I think you will, I will make hubby read this. I look forward to your opinions.


christy - July 19

Girl you do not need this right now or anytime. She is most definitlely after him and needs to be put in her place.


Steph - July 19

If you ask me, your hubby is putting himself in a very bad situation. He is asking for trouble by not being forward and telling this girl to quit calling him either on his cell phone or at your house. He's a married man, she works with him, likes him, she showed up at your house while you were gone, and wants to get with him. I bet she heard at work that his wife was going to be on a trip....and that's why she decided to stop by. How exactly does she know where you guys live anyways? I would be sure to be there when your hubby tells her not to call or come around anymore so you can get your 2 cents in. Also, there is no reason in the world why she should be asking him to go out for drinks....sounds a little fishy to me. I'd set her little as straight....hee hee, and I'm not even pregnant! Good luck....


kris - July 19

Hit it head on. Show up at her place and let her know in front of God and country that you want it STOPPED NOW. My ex cheated for years, swearing the whole time he wasn't, until he left for the 12th or 13th bimbo on the list. Your husband should have stopped it immediately, and your percieved silence can be viewed by her as approval. Who cares if his co-workers know that you, his WIFE, are not happy with little girl chasing your HUSBAND, and (i'm sorry to say) your HUSBAND not stopping her from doing so. I'm sure he enjoys the attention, and the danger lies there.


christy - July 19

Steph, I like your style!!!!


Meanie - July 19

Call her back hehe. Tell her your husband is in his right mind and that this cannot have a second time (drinking) with him. On the other hand, your husband seems to welcome her 'advances' towards him. I don't think he is so innocent. Men like the attention esp. from younger women. As we women know :)... we are very cunning and we plan all the details that even men don't have the foggiest about *lol. So, this young girlie tries, your husband enjoys the attention he is getting from you and this girl--and you are fuming mad! My current bf's ex sent him a card when he was sick 2 yrs. into our relationship. We live together so...I received it and 'accidentally' it was open :). Anyways, I did tell him I read it, and that I didn't like the contents (something like 'I couldn't stop thinking too much about you...')-- and TOLD him that I was very uncomfortable and HAVE TO set this girl straight that very same day and give her a piece of my mind and that if he (my bf) will stop me...then he is welcoming the other woman's inappropriate attention--and he is in bigger trouble with me. To make story short, went to girl's house--I swear I was diplomatic with her but basically made it clear that IF this were to happen again-- I would ask her HUSBAND's opinion about it--in front of her kids and my boyfriend. Yep, that's right she's married with 3 kids. She's my bf's childhood gf and they were neighbors growing up, know each other's family etc. However, my bf's family is close to me now, too so...I even told them and they sided with me. My bf later told his buddies about what I've done (without my knowledge), one of the guys later told me that he was so proud of me--and all the other guys thought that I was also cool for handling it that way. No mess, no fuss--just to the point and placing the girl where she belongs--to the past.


AH - July 19

This is such a sucky situation to be in now. I feel for you. You have a lot of self control. I think I would have replied to her message without even telling my dh. It would have read something to the effect of "you should know better than to make advances to a married man" and leave it at that. But you are much more honest and I am sure it would b__w up in my face anyways. Your husband is very lucky to have you and should not be playing with fire. It is too bad for him (does not show well on his part) that it even got to the point where YOU have to tell him to tell her this is inappropriate. He must, on a certain level, like the attention. As soon as he tells you that he has talked to her, you will need to trust him. But if anything comes up again (like she didn't take his hint) then you are in free range to approach her yourself and put your foot down. What a pathetic child this woman is. Hopefully your dh has enough sense to see that if anything, this is a horrible quality - flirting with a married man.


LS - July 20

First of all, there is no doubt that she is interested in your husband. Her behaviour is inappropriate and it is up to your husband to stop it. And telling her that "my wife thinks it should stop" will not do. It is a cop-out and is not being a man. I will add that in my experience, if a woman keeps "showing up" in one way or another, there MAY be something up..... they are probably being encouraged or at the very least...not discouraged.


lynnstress - July 20

Thank you all for your input. Hubby told me last night that he told girlie that if they are in group situations, it's okay - and I am okay with that - but that it is innappropriate that she calls to ask him out for drinks, and that she should stop. And I will have dear hubby read this tonight when he gets home from work.


Bea - July 20

I would be ticked off if my fiancee allowed this girl to think she can step over the line like that. You're married 10 yrs and have a baby on the way! If it were me I'd most likely give the girl a call and blountly let her know to get lost. I'm sure I'd check the cell phone history (bills) and see if her number shows up much on his phone. That way you'd know if he's somewhat hiding her advances. You're a better woman for me to stay so calm about the situation. Last yr I had a problem w/my fiancee's ex. She thought she still called the shots and could call him anytime she wanted. She even tried to get him to meet her (by having her friend contact him). I set her straight and let her know that I wouldn't put up with it. It is juvenille and he's moved on. I was very mad at him for being overly nice to her when it was HIS job to close that door all the way. It still hurts if I think about it because I think he was leaving hisself room to go back if it didn't work out with me. She no longer calls him, thank goodness, or I wouldn't be in the picture. I look at it as a respect issue. I am not willing to put up with b/s anymore! Best of luck to ya.


Shannon - July 20

Oh my god, i could NOT cope with this!!! This IS NOT down to your hormones, i think most women would feel exactly the same in this situation! Who the hell does she think she is? She know's he's a married man for god's sake! In all honesty, i think i would have to deal with the situation myself, saying that though, i doubt very much if i was in your situation and face to face with her, i wouldn't be able to keep my calm! I really hope you manage to get this sorted. What an awful situation. xx


cat - July 21

How did she get his cell-phone number?


KrisD - July 21

Wow - I think I would sit my husband on the couch, with the phone, and make him call that hussie right in front of me. I would want to hear every word he told her. If it weren't for the pregnancy I'd probably take that phone away! I don't think I could put up with that - raises so many questions.


JenniferB - July 21

I agree, I think she is after him. I also doubt that your husband is cheating because if he was, he wouldn't let you check his cell phone. I do think that maybe he hasn't said anything to her because it strokes his ego to have a younger woman interested in him. I would be overjoyed if I thought a 20 year old was after me. :0) I can understand that it would upset you and you have every right to put a stop to it. Don't stress too much, it isn't good for you. If she stops by again for a drink just give her a mixed drink with a decoratvie sprig of poison ivy in it. (kidding of course) good luck


crystac - July 21

girl call that girl up sk her what the hell is her problem you dont need this now she sounds like she wants your man My ex cheated while I was pregnant stop all this now before it comes to that good luck


Melissa - July 21

Oh my... If I was in your situation, I would SNAP on this girl. If any girl came by MY house to drink with MY boyfriend, I'd be p__sed. And no offense, but if my boyfriend wanted to hang out with her and was going to tell her he couldn't because of me....well, then I'd be pretty p__sed at him, too. But you guys have been married a long time, there's probably a lot of love and trust there... but get that little b___h out of the picture!!


Bea - July 21

Good question, cat. How DID she get his number in the first place???? That's inappropriate in itself in my opinion. How are you coping, Lynn? I hope you are not stressing too much.



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