I Am Very Sad Need Advice

11 Replies
Fatima - July 7

This is quite a long story, and I would appreciate somebodys advice. My bf was living with a woman and they had 2 kids, but they never got along and she was always leaving him. When she said she was leaving forever we started going out together and we fell in love. He was the type of person who didnt want to get married until he found the correct person, that is why he never married this woman. But he wanted to marry me. When she found out she came back to him, but he told her he didnt love her, that he was in love with me. We are in mexico and she lives in texas so he was going to take her back home. When he went back he was arrested for some charges he had pending in texas. She knew he would get arrested, that is why she insisted on him taking her home. She wanted him arrested so that she could separate us and we would forget about each other. But that didnt happen because I was a month pregnant. We wrote to each other while he was there, planning our new life together, how we would never leave each other. He was also sorry that he couldnt be with me during the pregnancy and but that he would be there for the rest of our lives. He was given 9 months, so he wasnt there during the labor. I was really sad during the whole pregnancy because he wasnt here. I was always in contact with his mom and she told me how his ex was saying that she was going to go back with him. She also kept calling me to tell me to forget him because they were supposedly going to get married. I didnt believe her so I ignored her. It has been 2 weeks since he was released and deported back here to mexico and I have not heard from him. His mom told me that his ex came with him and told him that his kids needed him and that the oldest cried every night for him and called him while he was asleep. So he told her he would give her another chance, for their kids. I was shocked to hear this, because we have a newborn and I thought he was dying to meet him and to be with me. I was always dreaming of when he came back how beautiful it would be when we reunited. His mom also told me that he is scared to see me, but that he would still give our son his last name and that he would help me out financially. But that he wanted to look for me once he had a job because he didnt want to just come back empty handed. I have been really depressed, crying every night since this happened. I have so many things to tell him and to ask him why he did this to us. I was also going to tell him that I would forgive him if he came back to me, or if he doesnt he can forget about me forever. I know that after talking to him, he might change his mind and after meeting his son, since there is love between us, he would come back. But then for some reason, I thought, God brought us in this world to help others. This lady doesnt have anybody to help her out, nobody wanted her with her kids and she was having a hard time. But his mom says she only wants to be with him, because she doesnt have anyone to support her. So I had decided to sacrifice my happiness for his happiness, and if being with his other kids makes him happy, then I didnt want to interfere. I wanted to help his kids be with his dad, and help her to also be happy. Then the next day, I wanted to do the same thing I had decided at first, because I may want to sacrifice my happiness, but why should I sacrifice my son as well. He deserves to be with his dad also, and we love each other. So I really dont know what to do. I am so confused. I dont know if I should fight for him and our happiness, or should I just let him go. I cant imagine my life without him. Can anyone please give me advice

 

Joelle - July 7

Aww wow that story almost bought tears to my eyes its pretty touching and sad. As far as im concered this girl is seems to be very jealous of you and would say anything or do anything to get him back. and problay used her kids has a excuse to get him back whitch isnt cool. Dont let it stress you out if its ment to be it will be. Im sure he'll relize that your the one he should be with cuz your the one who truley loves him. I kinda went thro the same thing not really but my Boyfriends ex has a baby boy with him and oh man she tryied everything to get him back even said pick her or your son whitch i think its so dumb what does she expect him to be single the rest of his life. I am now 15 weeks pregnant and happy with him theres no way hes going back with her whitch is good. If hes not gonna be with you then he should be suporting his son as soon as possible. He cant just make a kid and not step up and be a dad. I think he should be seeing his son rather hes scared or not and step up and be a real man. And as for you do you really wanna be with a man who left you for his ex and said he loved you but went with her? think about that. But if you really love him i wish the best for u and him i hope everything works out sweetheart. And dont let this stress you and congrats on the baby boy:) whats his name?

 

Fatima - July 7

Thanks for the advice. His name is Diego Alberto. Thats why I wanted to tell him, that he had to decide if he wanted to be with me and I would forgive him and forget everything. But if he doesnt he would forget about me for good. Because there is still a chance that she would leave him again because she always does. She doesnt like living here in mexico. And if he decided for her and she left him, I wouldnt go back with him.

 

Joelle - July 7

Aww thats really cute name. sounds good together to.. Yeah thats true. dont let him forget about you cuz then he may think he can not pay for this child if he choses to be with her then make him step up and be a dad and be there for his cute little son

 

krc - July 7

I dont know any of you personlly so the last thing I want to do is make a false judgement of character. But my opinion after reading what you said, he seems like a weak person and him and his ex have a repetative history together. If she can keep leaving him and yet keep him coming back than she is a manipulator and doesn't respect him. She uses him as a last resort which isn't fair to you and your son and since they have children together, even if he chooses you there will always be a constant struggle between the 3 of you. It's also not fair to either of you women if he can't make a decision and stand firm. I think that you seem like a selfless person which is good. The last thing this situation needs is more drama and tug of war. I think you should let him know your there for him but you will not tolerate being taken advantge of. Either he's with you and continues to be there for his other children or he's with her and continues to be there for your son. You are not a swinging door he can just come and go as he pleases like how his ex does to him. If you give him another chance I hope it works out but if he proves to be a weak person than you should remain his friend, step aside, and move on with your life and find a man who doesn't already have issues.

 

d16mond - July 7

Hi Fatima, I hope you start to feel better soon. You sound really lovely an you deserve the very best, but no-one can make that happen but yourself, for you and your baby boy. I don't want to seem harsh, but you know yourself if you want something you go for it. So what I mean by this is, in the nicest way possible, sadly if he really wanted to be with you I think he wouldn't let anything or anyone stand in the way of his needs and wants. I'm sure she isn't holding a gun to his head making him stay with her. I do understand him wanting to be with his children, but you have a child to him as well, and that excuse is not a good enough one. He can be there for his children and not be with his ex. You said that even though he has been out of jail for 2 weeks you haven't heard from him, had to find out through his mother that he had gone back to his ex. Well I think that him doing that to you was really mean, if he really cared so very much he would have contacted you made sure you were ok and told you the truth. I'm sorry you have to go through such a devastating experience, like I said before, you deserve the best,. Sadly he isn't treating you like your the best. Your baby needs stability, from his daddy, not uncertainty. I really hope everything works out for you regardless of what you decide. Take care and look after yourself and baby.

 

lovemy3 - July 7

Hi there, I'm hoping you are starting to feel better. Its such a hard thing to know what to do, I can understand how you are feeling, you sound like such a kind person. If you are a believer, I would suggest to you to pray for God's will to be done. Leave it in Gods hands and he will work it through for you and your new baby. It must be very sad, being on your own etc as you mentioned, try and enjoy the new little miracle you have been blessed with, it sounds as though your son has a wonderful mother in you, take care, I will be praying for you and your situation up here in Canada.

 

Fatima - July 8

To d16mond, the situation is that we live in mexico and his ex is from texas, so since she doesnt have any family here, if they are not together she has to go back. And she is always threatening him that if he leaves her he will never see their children again. And I know that if he cared he would have already called, that is why I am so depressed. I cant understand because he is such a caring father and his children come before anything for him. So why hasnt he come to see our son. I just think he is a coward and is scared of what I might tell him or what might happen. I think that the fact that he hasnt looked for us and not being able to talk and know a reason hurts more than the actual betrayal. I guess I will just leave it up to fate.

 

d16mond - July 9

Good on ya. Everything will be ok. Good luck. Enjoy your lovely son. And make sure you pamper yourself now and then :-)

 

frankschick2001 - July 9

I'm sorry that you were duped by this guy. Sounds like you can do better. Find a nice guy without an arrest record or other kids! As far as your son goes, there is no reason why he cannot know his father. His father should be supporting his son no matter who he decided to be with, and the courts should make sure of that. Even if he wanted to come back to you, I don't think he is a good person and I don't even think you should take him back. You deserve a nicer person.

 

Fatima - July 17

I finally got to see my baby's dad yesterday. When I saw him, I swear that my heart almost stopped. I had our baby in my arms and all I wanted to do was run to him, hug him and kiss him. But I know that he doesnt belong to me anymore so I didnt, but I felt that he wanted to do the same. But all I did was hand him our baby and he held him and hugged him and kissed him. I was so happy that he finally got to meet his son. We talked about what happened and he said that the decision he made was last minute and he did it for his kids, he has a 7 year old that he hardly sees (from another woman) and he said that when he saw him, he got shy, he gets uncomfortable with his own dad. So he didnt want that to happen with his other two kids. Since he was deported for life he cant return to see his kids and if she leaves, she wont come back and thats 3 kids he wont see. Instead of 1. Because He knows that I would never prohibit him from seeing his son. He said he will always be there to support him and that he would like to continue seeing him. It makes me really sad that because of that other woman that would only let her kids dad see him only if they were together, now we cant be together. Although we couldnt help but hug and kiss each other yesterday. He said he doesnt want me to be his lover because I dont deserve that. And I would never lower myself to that. But when I was with him yesterday, it is like I had forgotten everything he had done to me and I was so happy to see my son with his dad, and seeing him after so long.... I honestly dont know what to do. Sometimes I feel like my life is a soap opera, but dont know if it will have a happy ending. At least I am now more relieved that he does care about our son.

 

Fatima - July 17

Oh and to those who said that he is not a good person, I know him better than most, and I can a__sure you he is a good person. He made mistakes in the past and he already paid for them, I dont judge him for that. I know what he is doing is for the sake of his children, and now that I am a mother I can understand why he is doing it. But he is a very good person and I wouldnt have fallen in love with him if he wasnt.

 

ADD A COMMENT:


You must log in to reply.

Are you New to the forum? Sign Up Here! Already a member? Please login below.

Forgot your password?
Need Help?
New to the forum?

Sign Up Here!


Already a member?
Please login below.





Forgot your password?
Need Help?  
Start A New Discussion