I Gotta Get Out But There Is No Way

6 Replies
Stressed - May 5

I am 20 weeks pregnant with my first child. My parents moved from Michigan to California about a year and a half ago, my father was offered a promotion and a huge raise to move out here....and this past August, my dad offered my husband a job and asked us to move here and live with them. ( just FYI, I'm 20 and my husband is 22) We decided to go ahead and move since we thought it would be a nice change and that maybe we would do well out here, and we thought we could start over. So my husband quit his job, and we picked up and left for CA.......well, My parents are heavy, heavy smokers...between the two of them, they smoke almost 3 1/2 packs a day. When they first found out I was pregnant, they said they would not smoke in the house, only outside...well that lasted about 2 weeks before they were back in the house smoking away. The house smells SO bad, it's discusting, and my father has back problems so he sleeps on the couch, and smokes away there, not to mention he works strange hours and usually goes to sleep on the couch at about 6 p.m. until it is time for him to work, and we cannot do anything because God forbid you wake this man up...I feel like we are prisioners in what is suppose to be our home too...... I spend most of the time upstairs in our bedroom with the door shut hoping that I can stay away from the smell and smoke. But it doesn't seem to be working because everytime I go in to see my doctor, she says she can smell smoke on me...and it is a little embarrassing to have your doctor tell you that you smell when neither I or my husband are smokers....When we are all in the car together, they constantly light up, and don't seem to care that I am in the back seat with my face buried in my husbands chest trying to filter my air through his shirt...I've tried my best to stay away, but when the baby is born, there is no way for him to get away from it, and it conserns me after reading all of the articles on the affects that cigarette smoke has on pregnant women and newborn babies...rent in california is very expensive, and with just my husband working, there is no way we could ever make it on our own out here, and we cannot just pick up and leave to go back to michigan because there is no jobs waiting for us back there, no place to live, and with no job comes no medical insurance for me or the baby...I just really want to go home, but I just don't see it happening and as much as I am starting to hate it here, I don't want to hurt my parents feelings by picking up and moving back across the country right after their first grandchild is born....I guess I didn't really have a question, just venting and looking for opinions on what I should do, thanks for taking the time to read my LONG post..

 

leslie - May 5

like I posted in another thread, I have been crying all day and night becasue of a problem that I have my hubby, but when I see post like yours I know is not all bad...and I am sure there is things out there that are also much uglier than what is happening to you..I am sorry though it sucks, it sounds like if you were trapped and there is not much you can do :( I feel for you...is it possible that before your baby is born your bf can save some money and then when the baby is born you guys have enogh money to move back and time to look for a job? Did you knew you were pregnant before moving with your parents? If not they shouldn't feel bad if you decide to move right back, they should know its for the baby's health..and of course your guys'

 

Stressed - May 5

Leslie, I moved out here in august, and found out I was pregnant in January, so no I was not pregnant before we moved, I got pregnant 4 months after we got here... :-) Wow, Nicole,it sounds like we are going through the exact same thing...I am just so worried about SIDS and there is absolutley no way for me to get out of here, I feel like I'm just going to stay up day and night and hold the baby in my arms while he's sleeping so that I can help him if he stops breathing...I am so stressed that something is going to be wrong with him...I've already had 1 miscarriage, and that tore my heart out, I cannot imagine what would happen if I lost my newborn to SIDS or anything....I think I myself would probably die...I just feel so trapped like there is no where for us to go in order to keep our child safe. And my mother always says "I smoked with you and your sister and you both turned out fine." But she doesn't seem to realize that they put a lot more chemicals and c___p in cigarettes now days then they did 20 years ago...Sometimes I wish we never would have moved out here. Yeah my husband makes more an hour then he did back home, but we are paying so much more out here, that we are not really saving any money, so there is really no difference from out here in CA and back home in Michigan...I just wish that there was some way we could sc___pe up enough money to get our own place, but $900 bucks a month for a one bedroom apartment would kill us...

 

Misty - May 5

I'm so sorry. You must feel so helpless and mad right now. How about just telling your parents exactly like it is? Not doing anything to speare their feelings? Tell them that it is medically proven that it is a gamble with your childs health to smoke with them. Let your mom know that she was lucky she smoked and nothing happened to her kids, but that is all it was, luck. Tell her to go to a casino and start gambling and see if she wins every time she gambles. She won't because no one does and right now they are both gambling with their grandchilds health. Let them know you aren't asking them to quit, that you just want them to care enough about your feelings and fears to smoke outside. Smoking is a hard hard habit to break, but if they really love you it should be automatic for them to be willing to just do it outside. Tell them that too. Don't spare their feelings at all with this. In my not so humble opinion they are being selfish and risky with your childs health simply for the convenience of not having to get up to smoke outside and they should be ashamed of themselves. If I were you I would do everything in my power to make them feel just as bad as they should. Also if California offers some sort of financial a__sistance (like food stamps and financial a__sistance) you should see if you qualify for it if you were to live on your own. I realize it has a bit to do with pride to not want to except help from the state, but it is there for a reason and that is to help people that need it. Like you. If you can afford to live on your own with the help of the state then I would jump on it in a heartbeat. I lived in South Florida with my fiance and our newborn son on our own and the only way we were able to put food on the table and take our son to the doctor was that we qualified for food stamps and medicaid. I don't know if you have it there or what it would be called if you did have it, but you probably do so I would really urge you to look into it. It really takes quite a bit of pride swallowing, but it is worth it. Especially if your parents won't quite smoking in the house. GL to you.

 

Jena - May 5

I'm in CA too (Malibu) and yes, rent is a FORTUNE!! BUT, with that being said, it may even be worth getting a loan to rent or somehow enlisting the help of friends or other relatives just to get you out of that situation. It's so dangerous for the baby, and although it's good that you are so protective of your body and the baby, second hand smoke is dangerous too. I wouldn't want you to lose your baby to SIDS either!! Your parents (sorry, this is blunt) are being SO disrespectful. They know much better. That is so rude. As for picking up and moving - don't worry about hurting their feelings. It's not worth your worry. They are hurting more than your feelings right now! Good luck and I'm sorry I don't have much good advice, but I feel for you. Best wishes for a healthy and happy pregnancy. Remember.. in the end you need to look out for yourself and your baby - not your parent's feelings...

 

Stressed - May 5

I am so so worried and you all are so right...I need to get out of here for the safety of my child...I'm going to have to talk to my husband when he gets home and see what he thinks about the medicaid and what he thinks we should do to get out of here, because he thinks the same way I do. Thank you all for your posts and I would really appreciate it if you keep my baby in your prayers..Thanks again.

 

Misty - May 5

Stressed, also, try to stop living up to your screen name. Being stressed isn't good for pregnancy either. What you are going through right now is pretty c___ppy. But just breath (outside :-)) and try to relax a bit. Hard to do I know, but, if you are doing everything that you can and you believe in God then just trust that He will see you through this. As that saying goes, God helps those that help themselves. Do what you can do then relax and have faith that things will be as He wants them.

 

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