I Need Some Advice For Hubby S Trip

17 Replies
Leahp - April 13

Hi ladies, I just wanted some other women's opinions. I'm trying to think about this as calmly and in my husband's shoes as I can. But in June he's going out to Colorado to visit his mother and one of our friends is going on a week long backpacking trip into a canyon in Utah around the same time and invited my husband, he really wants to go and I don't blame him, I'm kind of jealous!! But I keep telling him what if something was to happen and I'm left with a child or if something happens to me and he's out in the middle of no where, with no phones and days to reach him!! I told him anytime other than now when I'm pregnant, so of course he throws in my face that he'll never get out of here to do anything adventurous!!! What the #$!#%!!! In one way I want to let him go becasue he's been a wonderful support and deserves it with the type of job he has and another part of me doesn't because I worry and angry at the same time!!! What would you ladies do???


JLorenzo - April 13

Hey Leah, I know you are asking the ladies to answer your question but I wanted to share my experiences as a husband, if you don't mind. I don't want to sound like a jerk, but in a way I can see where he is coming from. When I found out my wife was pregnant last summer, I felt as if I needed to do all the things I had been putting off. Like a baby signals an end to the way I know how to live my life. I would try to get my wife to buy into trips I wanted to take. I was scared that for the next 18 + years, I wouldn't be able to do the things I was accustomed to doing. I only recently realized that a baby is more of a start, a new chapter if you will. I hope your husband realizes this revelation as well. I know that I couldn't imagine leaving my wife alone, at a time when she relied on me the most. The physical pain is definetly on the shoulders of the women in pregnancy, but the man and woman shares the psychological pain. Adjusting to such a life altering thing can be tough...I wish you both the best.


Jennifer - April 13

When are you due??? If you are due around that time, then he souldn't go, but if you are not, and you are not having a high rist pregnancy then it shouldn't be a problem for him to go. I totally understand your concerns, but if you are having a good pregnancy then it sould be safe for him to go.


Leahp - April 13

Oh, thanks Jlorenzo! I know my husband isn't worried about our life changing too much since we've already planned a mountaineering trip with our bundle for next spring and he is extremely excited for the little tike to get here, but I guess I'm just scared to be home alone for a whole week and too worry, I feel so vulnerable lately, I can't even jump off the couch without pain in my abdomen from all the stretching and adjusting my body is doing! So I'm just scared! I a__sure him he can do all the trips he wants when the baby is here that's when we'll both need a break, but I just need him as of now!! I'll only be 6 and half months when he would go so that's why I don't know if I'm overreacting! My dad told me the world doesn't stop because I'm pregnant and that he should be able to go, he's old fashion! But understands why I'm upset!! I just don't know what to feel, I just don't want the hubby to have any resentment, plus everytime he comes home from a trip he showers me with love because we both realize how much we need and love eachother, I know he needs this to enter into fatherhood, but how can I feel comfortable with it!


Boobs - April 13

You're pregnant , not disabled. If you're afraid of being alone, have a friend or relative stay with you for a week. Use this time to do girlie stuff with your buddies. Read up on baby issues, etc. Get busy, Girl. Before you know it, one week has pa__sed.


Leahp - April 13

Hey b___bs!!! I know, I've already been doing all of that, I hike and mountain bike, lift weights I know that I'm not disabled unlike my doc, he thinks I should cool it but I'm determined to stay busy and not be a couch potatoe!! I guess I'm just worried, my husband has gone on these type of trips before and then he comes home to tell me horrifying stories where he was close to death, just what I want to hear!!! Hey, I'll admit I'm probably jealous as well, we had a canyoneering trip planned for this month, we both decided to hold off on babies and I said that I was alright with that, because for a while we decided to try and then got the heebie jeebies, but good ole hubby had a change of heart around the holidays and here we are!!! I was content with doing some adventures, so I guess I'm a little angry at the fact that we both decided to hold off and I was excited for canyons and trips and now I'm pregnant and can't hike 2,000 ft. into a canyon, but he can proceed with his normal life!!! I know it's all part of being a women, but he knew exactly what he was getting himself into when letting the magic juices flow!!!


Jenn... - April 13

Unless he is traveling around the time that you are due, you should let him go. There have been times throughout my pregnancy that he/we have been invited to do something that I am not comfortable with because I am pregnant. Maybe a little bit of me is jealous that I can't go or that he doesn't want to stay at home with me all the time. But I know it is best for him and best for our family if he does the things he wants to do as long as it is not putting him in harms way. You should let your husband go on this trip, and that doesn't mean you can't have a good time while he is gone. Invite family or friends over and work on the babies room, go shopping, or just hang out and have a good time :) Best of luck to you!


Maleficent - April 13

trust me on this... you're not going to be okay with him leaving once the baby is here. now is the time. if the thought of being alone worrys you now just imagine what it's going to be like when he's leaving you with an entire other person to care for. i was a wreak and all my husband did was go to work, a trip would have pushed me into the abyss of insanity. have him go now while the baby is snug and safe inside you.


E - April 13

I am so with you LeahP!! I am the same way with my husband. I worry like crazy and fill his head with all sort of "what ifs". I tried to keep myself in check b/c I knew I was hormonal and scared. Personally, I don't think he should be out of touch with you while you are pregnant. As a husband, he should feel the need to know that you are okay, and not want to be so far out in the boonies, that he cannot be telephoned if needed. You have my backing on this!!


L** - April 13

Think of it this way, for the rest of your life, you will have children to worry about, you can't put off doing the things you want to because "what if" this happened or that happened while you were gone. You hope for the best & deal with the rest when it happens.


KellyB - April 13

I am with Jennifer. Depending on when your due date is, my husband knows he isn't going anywhere the couple of weeks leading up to or after the due date. But besides that, if he can find the money to do it, then I don't see why not. I know it's important for my husband to still do things and feel like life isn't over. I did get him to move across the US back closer to my family so I try to be compromising and make sure he is happy too, since moving back east was so important to me. If that means going out and mountain biking when he should be mowing the lawn or going to a friends wedding in IL (in 3 weeks), I would let my hubby go but make sure that he checks in frequently ;)


jb - April 13

Hey Leah! I totally know where you are coming from. My husband is going to Canada fishing where there is no contact and I will be about as far long as you are. I told him to go. I have family here and I think you are in the clear of something happening. I think it suchs more because you can't go. If you don't let him go he might resent you for a while and it is not worth it. Good luck in whatever you decide!


tiffani - April 13

Let him go. It's not a game of Russian Roulette he's asking to play, it's a hiking trip. You've said he deserves it and could use the break, so let him go and have a good time. Is there any possibility of him just doing a 3 day trip instead of a week? This may sound ignorant, but is there any type of communication device that would work in the canyons of Utah?


Hey Leahp - April 13

Will it really be woth it to him if you are worried the whole time he is there?


Milissa - April 13

Leahp> Its the Hormones I was the same way at 6 months. I did not even want my husband to leave the house, store ex.. I was teriffied of him leaving my site, but anything can happen> walking out of your house going to the store ex... Please relax and let him enjoy himself.. You will be fine!


tiffani~edd 11/07/05 - April 13

Ooops, so sorry Leahp, I sounded insensitive. I honestly didn't mean to. XXXXX :o)


tara - April 13

I know what you feel like because my husband was invited to go to a Vegas trip then Cuba a month after that (which would have been next month) - we had short discussions over this because we were planning a trip to Europe because we didn’t think we’d get pregnant this fast, so we decided to hold off on the trip after we found out we are expecting sooner than expected. I tolled him he could go on the trips but when it came closer to the trip he changed his mind. Even though I was upset that he even thought of going when I'm here pregnant and can't do a lot of the stuff I really want to, I thought I'd rather him go now than when the baby is here. I also didn't want to take the chance of him feeling as if he is loosing a part of his freedom because we are pregnant and because I said so…so I tolled him it’s up to him if he wants to go. He changed his mind because he didn’t want to get p__sed drunk with a bunch of guys every night for a week and that now that he is becoming a father there are more important things he likes to focus on like his career and doing things around the house; he never said he is not going because I’m pregnant. I don’t know if that’s a good thing or a bad thing but I’m happy to have him by my side. It obviously won’t be easy for you to see him go on such an amazing trip but I think it’ll be easier now than when it’s closer to the due date or when you have the baby. I was angry too but I didn’t want to take chances of him resenting me – I don’t think he would have but I just didn’t want to take any chances at this point (It must have been the horemones when I was thinking he might resent me or something). But you have to feel comfortable about it if you say yes to him other wise you won’t be able to enjoy your time while he is gone.



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