It S Her The Mother In Law

29 Replies
Anne - August 15

Does anyone else here have an awful MIL? Who am I kidding...we all probably do. Well, I have recently been stressing out about the birth of my baby, because this woman is controlling beyond belief. Like controlling enough to keep my husband's inheritance from him, call every ten minutes it seems and announce to me how I'm going to raise "HER GRANDCHILD." Now, don't get me wrong, I am a very head strong person and rarely put up with this garbage. But I have this deadly fear that that woman is going to force herself into the delivery room when I ABSOLUTELY DO NOT want her to be there. I'm not comfortable with that, it's not her place and I would end up being so upset. But I know her. And I can see her just waltzing in - something that actually happened to a cousin of mine - and being a pain and refusing to leave, all the while I'm screaming in pain, wanting her out and everyone is too busy to be concerned with her att_tude. I've thought about having MY mom there, who could serve a double purpose: support me and keep HER out, but I know that'd cause problems. I understand she's going to be a grandmother as well, but this is my baby, my birth and if I don't want it I shouldn't have to deal with it. Any advice? Stories?


KrisD - August 15

Well, how supportive is your husband on this... Can you both agree not to call MIL till after the baby is born? My MIL is a nightmare (husband will often agree) and we aren't calling them till after the baby comes.


C - August 15

Advice the hospital personnel not to let her in. be specific about it.


Lynn - August 15

We're also not calling until after the baby is born. My MIL lives out of town & I specifically told her when Iwas about 8 weeks pregnant, that we weren't having anyone stay with us for the first 4 weeks... youwere welcome to vidit but baby & I needed our rest. She has friends down here she can stay with so its not a big deal, except that she will call at 8 am to come over and try to be at our house until 10 pm every day-totally defeating the "no houseguests" reasoning. So I'll have to deal with that once the baby is born-easy enough when hubby is at work * I can just 'sleep" through the phone ringing... But harder when he is at home.


Julie - August 15

do not call her until after the baby is born. Or call her an hour before so that she can't get there in time.


Anne - August 15

I don't think my husband would mind if we just didn't call her. She lives out of town, so that will help out a lot. But I'm sure I'll be putting my foot down about her staying with us, because I'm expecting her to say any day now that she wants to be at the house for the remainder of the pregnancy and into the early days of infancy. My case will turn into something along Lynn's lines, whre the MIL finds a way to not "break" the rules, but comes painstakingly close and irritates you along the way. Is it bad that I just flat out don't want her staying at my house during the pregnancy and for a nice, long while after the birth? I don't have a problem with her seeing the baby - at all - but I am NOT going to be able to deal with her I-know-everything-just-do-what-I-say-att_tude. If she wouldn't try to force me to do things her way, I wouldn't mind if she stayed. But because whenever I see her, talk to her, etc. she has to tell me how to run things, I can't help but not want her around in those early days when I'm trying to enjoy my baby and learn how to be a parent on my terms.


Lynne - August 15

Mother-in-laws...don't even get me started.


t - August 16

don't want to sound smug, but not only is my MIL not like that, she lives on the other side of the world. I feel for you guys, perhaps you could buy her a plane ticket for a holiday to the Arctic or something, then cancel the return ticket once she has left? Just a suggestion. Failing that, I think you might just have to have a confrontation on your hands. It is unfortunate, but you have to stick up for yourself to keep your sanity, and it sounds like she will not get the hint unless you are very blunt, and she will probably cause a fuss about it. Stick to your guns, you have every right to your privacy, and if she starts a fight about it, ask her to leave. I know it is easier said than done and could possibly be awkward for hubby as he would feel caught in the middle. At the end of the day, would you rather risk a scene and tell her "this is how it is, take it or leave it", or sit there feeling worse and worse as she bleats on about how she is going to organise your life for you? As for the delivery thing, I would take double precautions and not only not ring her, but give her name to hospital staff as someone who is blacklisted, make them underline it 3 times when they write down her name so there is no confusion, she sounds awful! Again, I really feel for you, and if it gets too much, try the Arctic thing, she might get eaten by a polar bear and solve all of your problems! (that last was a joke, in case anyone takes offence:)


Me - August 16

Anne, it could even be worse than her showing up and being in the room. She could be like mine and stand in the door way.......taking pictures!!! If you feel strongly about it, do not even call her. Trust me.


HDF - August 16

I think advising the hospital staff that you do not want her in the room would help. If she comes in they will have someone remove her. Sorry for the situation...I don't envy you, luckily my MIL is generally wonderful and not nosey at all. Best wishes and stand your ground.


Me - August 16

I seriously just wouldn't call her. I had in my birth plan only my s.o. and nobody else and stressed it. Then I told the same to the staff. They were all so wrapped up in their duties they either didn't notice or didn't care. I was in terrible pain and didn't want to fight it but I was very upset. At the very least be VERY firm with the staff.


loulou - August 16

if you want your mother there then you do that - your health and of course baby's is most important - and you would want to be as calm as possible stuff the MIL - tell the nurses and midwives your dilema and I am sure they will put you at ease and ensure that you only have the people you want in the room around you - xx


denise - August 16

MIL" i use that term but cant say i know what it feels like to really have one. we currently live with my inlaws 20 and this is our first child and not only my parents but his parents first granchild. From day one things were not so great......she is the type of person to be sweet infront of other people but i have heard her comments, and remarks she waits till hardly anyone is around ..............she is an evil lady i dont understand how she can be the way she is... im a giving, loving person husbands parents and my own dont get about issues at the hospital, but with just cause my parents wanted me to move home once i said i'm pregnant ...they have been great over joyed already bought most of the baby stuff, she has told me not to expect nothing from her.. In so many words she told my husband around x-mas time "dont expect me Not to pay my truck payment to get you a gift!" ....and there are way more incidents i could go on and on......its so sad i have given her no reason not to like me...she will not spend any alone time with my baby and ill never ask her for a thing. Before i have the baby we are going to move because i shall not in her home when i give this precious life growing inside me, i doubt she will even show up to the hospital as i am in labor its a good thing to ....because i dont want her near me, all the hurtful things she has said and done with no feeling and no heart, everytime she says something ugly to her own son ,Her own child i bleed inside for him.


Anne - August 16

Well, it's really nice to know I'm not alone in all this. Sometimes I just feel like my MIL is evil enough to be ten or so MILs put together. I mean, the lady has the nerve to call the other day, complain about us starting a family, complain about us owning a home, say my family is stupid, I am irresponsible and then go on to say, "but I really don't know why she hates me so much." WTF?


Kris - August 16 mother in law is chronic liar, tried to have my a__s kicked by a 40 year old women (I was 18 at the time) Has done everything possible to break me and her son up..and when that didn't work for her..she claimed that her own son tried to physically beat her (I was there when this "happened": she came after me because I made a comment about her telling her 8 year old grandson to go knocking door to door to buy her smokes..and her son held her back from attacking me) The woman is absolutly demented..and needless to say, we haven't talked to her in about 6 months. (there is so much more I could say, but those are the minor points of our last visit with her) If anyone has a mother in law worse than THAT..please..let me know!


Maleficent - August 17

the hospital i had my second baby at was a locked ward. no one got in or out without a code. if your hospital has a similar policy then there is your solution right there. "i'm sorry, anne is not taking guests at this time." (my mil would have broken the door down, but that's another story.) and my mil was all full of sage advice and words or wisdom all during my pregnancy, then the baby came and it was like she was afraid! she wouldn't touch the baby unless someone asked her to. she still managed to drive me crazy, but wanted NOTHING to do with the baby. she's not invited this time. too much stress and too much NON help.


JP - August 17

Good God-- You know you would think that these woman where once daughter-in laws that had children. Really who would want their mil in the delivery room with them. She should respect you and your husband's wishes (especially yours since it's your goods being shown out there while delivering her grandchild). If I where you I would tell her up front--I am uncomfortable with the idea of you in the delivery room and would really appreciate it if you would please wait about a week before coming to visit so that I can bond with the baby. If she doesn't cooperate I say you go into b___h mode. This woman has no problem telling you the way she feels and personally I think she needs to get a dose of her own medicine right back at her. Of course be diplimatic about it, but make sure she understands where you are coming from.



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