Ot Question Re Marriage

16 Replies
ChaycesMom - May 11

I know this is off the topic but I need to ask. I have been with my fiance for almost 6 years, but know him since I was like 10, we got engaged the day after our son was born. I accepted, got the ring, decided sometime last year that we would get married in the Mtns sometime in the Spring by a JP. Well, I'm still not married and I dont know if I want to be. Thats my problem. We have it good right now for the most part, we have a home, vehicles, 2 1/2yr old son and a little girl on the way. I was excited about being proposed too, but have always felt that I really dont want to get married. I love him and he loves me, I guess I am just a person who doesnt need marriage to have a family. Just wondering what others thoughts were on the subject. Thanks.


kellie - May 11

Personally, I am old fashioned in that respect. I believe that a couple should get married if they want to have children.


ChaycesMom - May 11

I used to think that too, until I was surprised with getting pg the first time. Now it just doesnt seem that important to me. I have everything a married couple has except the last name.


Been There - May 11

No, you don't have everything a married couple has. With marriage comes certain rights you will not have not being married. As far as being happy in your relationship, that doesn't have to come with marriage. Just like you, I put off getting married for 11 years with my husband. We had a house, vehicles, children. So it wasn't a big deal until we did get married. It did change things for us. Legally, no one can overrule decisions when it comes to his life and vice versa. The ability to have certain life benefits changes as well (Social Security, medical, 401K, etc.). I'm not saying you have to get married, it's your personal decision. I'm just saying there is a difference.


les22 - May 11

I am engaged and was planning on getting married in march next year. i wanted to be married before i had children and i almost did the whole registry office thing when i did find out i was. now ireally dont care. the fact that we are engaged means enough to me at the moment.


les22 - May 11

oh , and i prob wont be getting married next year as i wanted to lose weight before i got married and now im preg that wont happen for a while !


falafal0 - May 11

Well, it's all up to you. I guess I would think of it this way - if you fiancee would like to get married, but you are happy the way you are, why not just get married? You are in a defacto realtionship anyway, still all within the law though different hings do apply but as with any relationship, just not getting married doe not mean you wouldn't break up, if that's what's concerns you - the committment. It sounds like you both have made a wonderufl committment to each other already and you are both happy and satisfied. My brother and girlfriend of 14 years have three children - she would like to get married, he says the same old thing ' just a piece of paper', and I say, you have three kids, you have a womn you love, your there for the long haul, so get married! It's so different for each person, but if your both happy with where you are, then so be it. f one of you have wants more, then you'll need to talk about it and come to a compromise if possible, maybe another year or two?...good luck.


Jamie - May 12

I also am of the opinion that if you have a life together, and you have kids together, you should be married. Marriage does change things, whether you realize it or not. Right now, as a 'fiance', you are NOT your SO's next of kin. Meaning if he died tomorrow (god forbid) you would not automatically gain his estate, unless he has a will. If he were to fall into a coma and important medical decisions were to be made, you would not be the one to make those decisions, unless he has given you medical power of attorney. Those things are included in marriage automatically. Even if you feel that you have it all now, marriage is a way to protect your family against the unforseeable and unthinkable.


ChaycesMom - May 12

Thank you all for your input.


oz - May 12

im in Australia and as far as im aware there is no legal difference between defacto and married couples anymore. The law changes a few years back (if im correct to give you the same rights) but i have no idea what the law is in the US etc. Ive been with my partner for over 8 years and althought we will prob get married someday it is not on the cards at all at the moment. We both dont believe in spending thousands of dollars on that one day so if we ever do tie the knot it will be in a small gathering with immediate family only very close friends. If you really dont feel it is something you need to do then dont do it. Im sure one day it will feel right so you can wait until then and if you dont ever want to tie the knot there is nothing wrong with that as it is up to you and your partner and no one else.


Stace - May 12

I believe that there is far more to marriage than just the legalities. I love my husband very much and wanted to make a public decleration of that love, I wanted to show how much I love and trust him by placing myself completely in his care. I was a wife above being a daughter or a sister and it was providing a loving and stable home for any children we may have. I do believe that if you are prepared to make the huge commitment of having children together then you should be just as prepared to make the commitment to get married.


mommy2be27 - May 12

It's your decision. Don't get married if you don't feel it's right. My dad and his girlfriend have been together 15 years and they are happy as can be (in all fairness they have no children together).


ChaycesMom - May 15

I appreciate everyones opinion. I believe my problem rests within what I have seen from my family. Not one of my relatives marriages worked. My mom was married twice ending in divorce, both times, she is now living happily with her boyfriend of 15yrs. I just wanted to thank all of you and I have decided that I am going to keep things the way they are for now, not saying that I wont marry, but for right now I am happy. :)


Lynne - May 15

Its a personal decision to make. But when children are involved then it does make things a bit different. But it is up to you.


moucheka - May 15

I am also Australian but I live in the US. As someone else mentioned, in Australia the defacto laws make married or living together practically the same legally. Not so here in the US. My husband and I were living together for seven years before we got married as it seemed irrelevant. But if you want to go overseas together, it is much easier if you have a legal contract ie marriage. It would have been much harder to come to the US if we weren't married and legally we wouldn't have much say in many things like bank accounts/superannuation (401K)/ joint loans etc etc. The other thing is that even though for us it hasn't made much of a difference to our daily lives, we noticed a significant change in how other people treat and percieve us - much more seriously as a couple and as if we are now 'grownups'.


venus_in_scorpio - May 16

it SOOO does not matter if you are married - as long as the child knows he/she is loved that defines family. Marriage is if for some reason you feel you need paper to prove your love. my hubby and I knew we were always going to be together so we married eventually for financial reasons - tax papers and joint bank accounts. these days you should be able to do that stuff anyway since most places except "domestic partnership" in place of marriage. Whatever you decide. Love is love. I know plenty of loveless marriages and plenty of happy families who are not maried. up to you!


ChaycesMom - May 16

Lynne - Just wondering... How, when children are involved, does it make things a bit different? Just curious.



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