Partner Refuses Point Blank About Our Unborn Baby

9 Replies
Zoe - December 18

Hello everyone i'm just wondering what you think about this: I've recentlly told the father of my unborn 11 week old baby that i'm expecting and he keeps telling me he really doesnt want this child but then he makes funny remarks about how where going to be parents and mentions baby names etc. It makes me confused so I ask again and he says no he still doesnt want this child. My parents are both behind us and so are his but where only 20. People keep saying to me its just up to us two but because he doesnt want this child and I do it makes me feel so alone all though I do have alot of friends and family who are willing to help out. Either way he said he'll be there but i'm not so sure with such a negative att_tude towards the baby at the moment. Please help...x


kim - December 18

Hello Zoe!! Well having mixed emotions is normal. Having a child is a very scary thing but also very exciting. I got pregnant with my first son 4 months after I got married. My husband did not want children at this time but we are against abortion. Everything turned out fine. He is 6 and we are trying for our second. Hang in there im sure he will come around and see that this is his baby and that he really needs to be there for the baby and you. If for some reason he does not then there is nothing you can really do but make the best out of the situation. It is good to have family and friends behind you. As long as you have them you dont need a man or in this cause I would call him a boy. I think he will come around though. Just give it time and try not to stress out to much. Good luck to all 3 of you!


Zoe - December 18

Thanks very much for the advice it is much appreciated. He is refusing totally at the moment but he said he will be there what ever but i'm not so sure. I'm not asking him to marry me or stay with me it's nothing like that. I do hope our relationship will work but maybe not with such strong feelings against this baby, who knows. Only time will tell. Its just one of them times you need to be strong either way its his loss and i have the best family there to support me. Thanks again Kim.xx ps-i'm very happy for you, good luck with the 2nd (",)


Z - December 18

another thing is he going to hate me when I tell him i'm going to keep it?x


kim - December 18

He may be upset with you at first but once he sees his little boy or girl he will come to his sences.... I hope it all works out for ya..


Zoe - December 19

Thanks again. The father doesnt want to know he said he'll be my friend and there for the baby but cant handle a relationship. So I don't want to know, I think its only fair on me for now he's thinking about himself and im thinkin about me and 'my' baby. If he is to young for our relationship he's way to young to be the daddy of my


kim - December 19

It will all work out.. It always does... He will have to grow up within the next few months or he will have alot of regrets not being there for his first baby. You dont need him and it sounds like he wouldnt be much help if he was around. Family and friends is all ya need and you and your baby will do great...


Mellissa - December 19

The bottom line, Zoe, is that he IS only 20 years old. There are A LOT of men out there who are twice in his age and experience that can't seem to grow up to accept this responsibility and so, it's tough to expect it from your average 20-year old. It's different for women because we have to step up to the responsibilities of parent-hood the moment we find out we are pregnant because pregnancy itself comes with it's own life changes and challenges, never mind in nine months when the baby comes! We have a natural maternal (read: "protective") instinct and let's face it, the baby is growing inside of us for those nine months, we know it's useless to rationalize escaping the impending event of birth (as the father can) because no matter where we go throughout the day, we are constantly reminded of what's to come. This is all very hard for someone your boyfriend's age to accept and he likely has little to no clue what you are going through- he can't relate and hence, become empathetic to you as you really need right now. This makes it hard for him to communicate with you how he feels (hence his joking around) and results in him inadvertently hurting you. He is focusing on himself and the way this pregnancy is effecting him, rather than considering the change it has made on BOTH OF YOU. You can never let a man be the deciding factor when it comes to choosing to go through with a pregnancy. Yes, he is obligated legally in a financial way and, even if he is completely unable right now, he will always owe a small portion of his earnings to maintain this child until he/she is 18 years of age. This being said, YOU have to decide if becoming a mother is something that you are financially and emotionally capable of doing. Also decide if you really want this child in your life and, base this decision again on YOU and what YOU want, not your boyfriend. I can tell you from experience that choosing not to keep this baby to please a guy you may or may not even end up spending your life with will only make you resent him in the end (or earlier!) Should you decide on your own that you want to have this baby, THEN you should go to him and tell him your definite decision. Ask him where he would like to fit in: As a full time father? As only a name on a child support check? As your partner as well? A child should NEVER be made an obligation, it is unfare to the baby to push an unwilling father on it just so you can keep your relationship with this guy. When you have a baby, you have to think of him/her first and, what you want second. If this guy is adament about not being involved, understand that he is young and may change his mind so you have to discuss this with him. No one knows anything for sure at age 20 so ask him if he minds waving all parental rights so that there is no risk of him showing up in eight years and suddenly wanting back into the child's life. This way, it would be completely up to you if he would get to spend time with him/her at that time. Please do not let him be the deciding factor in your decision because men can come and go (especially at your age-I know!) but this baby will be for life. If his parents are supportive then perhaps you should speak to them. Even if your boyfriend decides to wash his hands of the whole issue they may still want to know their Grandchild. If all else fails and you find yourself weak (as most women do at one point, me included), don't have the baby aborted. I promise you that you will live to regret it (and blame him), especially when you do decide to have kids. There are LOTS of childless parents out there who would love to adopt your baby and you would have all the support of your family while you get through your pregnancy. Don't worry how people will react either as, all you have to say is "I want my baby to have the life I couldn't give him/her"


Nicole - January 9

I can understand what you're going threw, I too am going threw the same thing. If this is what you want and he doesn't want the same keep your head up high and don't let anything stop you from wanting this baby. Babies are blessings and you should look at it like this "a blessing".


SHARON - January 11

im sure when he sees his baby for first time he will fall in love with him or her.



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