Probably The Wrong For This Forum Concerning Adoption

23 Replies
lee - October 18

I fell pregnant unexpectibly. All I hear is how expensive & difficult it is to be a parent. I have done a bit of research online, and the price really varies, but is in the thousands upon thousand, with 3k being the base amount. I live in the US, and the state I live in does not offer help with subsidized child care what-so-ever. I really dont see how some people do it! After I pay rent, there is no way I could come out of pocket ANOTHER 4-6 hundred for day care! Therefore I am considering adoption, but would like to hear how much everyone spent on the first few years of there baby's life, and for each corresponding year, what was the biggest expense? Ex. 0-1 6k, biggest expense baby furniture 1-2 6k, biggest expense day care. OR however you all can explain it to me best! Also my e-mail is Thanks so much!


me - October 18

Don't give up your baby cause of financial reasons. The only thing you'll HAVE to pay for is day care if you b___st feed, at least the first year or two. Don't be ashamed of using WIC or other help from the govt. You pay your taxes! You can get really nice, lighlty used donated things if you have too. You can give your child the best life by being a good mom, you don't need to be rich. Where's the dad? DONT give up your baby unless you can't be a good mom. Sorry I don't know the real answer you were asking for.


Does society hate families? - October 19

what a heartbreaking story ... I think a few wealthy people need to read your story ... KEEP YOUR BABY ! and always remember this , Don't be afraid to ask for help from your government or other various organizations (there are many) and don't be ashamed because if you ever feel like you are sticking it to the world to keep and love your child then so be it after all most are not afraid to stick to you . Money should never be the first requirement . Best wishes and don't give up too quickly , do the best you can .


- October 19

how old are u


Leigh - October 19

There are programs out there to a__sist you; I would not worry too much. If you are willing to ask for help, you will receive it. Firstly, plenty of people use state funds for day care, or go through programs at their school/work - check into these options. Secondly, check programs for help with care: WIC is a particularly good one that helps with a wide array of baby/mother care. As for caring for your child, many of us have to be thrify. Check second hand shops for baby and maternity clothing. It's a great option as most of the clothes are barely used. For formula (if you're not b___stfeeding) read the labels, because the off brand is usually identical to name brand, but can save you a ton! Also, it does cost more initially, but buying in bulk is a big saver. Amazon has cheap diapers by the box full; places like Costco have formula and clothing at reasonable prices. I know that some say you have to spend $600/month on a baby, but if you're wise with your dollars and lean on others for support, I promise you can keep it at around $200/month. Just remember: the government will give you a__sistance to take care of yourself and your baby so that you can further yourself with schooling and work long before they'll turn a blind eye and let you slum on welfare.


lee - October 19

Thanks for your replys. The baby is due on my 21st birthday. The state were I live offers NO financial help as far as daycare- so this is a huge issue still. Anyway if you all have thoughts, they would great!


Jbear - October 19

There are always solutions to money problems. For example, after our first daughter was born my husband and I worked opposite shifts so that we wouldn't have to put our daughter in day care. We live in Texas and could get government money for day care, but we didn't like the idea of leaving our baby with strangers when she couldn't talk yet. I have a friend who is a single mom, and her mom watches her baby while she works. You didn't say if you're married or not, but if you're single, you will be able to get child support, which would probably pay most or all of day care expenses. Baby furniture isn't that expensive if you buy it used. I bought a crib, mattress, car seat, high chair, pack and play, exersaucer, bathtub, and enough clothes and blankets for my daughter to last the next six months, and all together it was about $200. I had to go to a lot of thrift stores and yard sales to find what I wanted, but it's all nice stuff. My kids aren't in day care, and I get WIC, so what I spend each month on the baby is about $60--$25 diapers, $5 wipes, soap, etc., $30 formula (WIC doesn't provide as much as my daughter eats). My three-year-old isn't in diapers anymore and doesn't require special food, so she eats what we eat. I've probably spent $150 in the past year on clothes and toys for her, but we could have gotten by with less.


karine - October 19

I live in canada, so i get a baby bonus. Wich is not "wellfare" its money every citizen gets monthly...and the amount depends on the household income. we get 500$ for our 2 toddlers. and when i get this baby in may. ill possibly get 750$. As my hubby is the only one working. So i never had to worry about the stuff for my kids.and health care is free here too. but i still went to thrift shops for clothing. Cause we arent rich, and these days who can afford everything new, unless both parents have a good job. I dont have WIC and stuff like that in canada. they only have wellfare, wich ill never go on. cause we dont need it, as hubby have a job. but we have food banks, that can be used once a month. when you dont have food, you call and they make you a box depending what you need. In 4 yrs, we used it 2.when my hubby was on a job transfer. and the money wasnt coming in. But you are lucky you have WIC !! you can use it to buy the babies formula, and they have medicaid wich will help with medical bills for you and baby. As for daycare...why?? you could try and find a nice sitter that will be cheap and care really good for your baby. there is alot out there, that do it cause they love kids and have nothing to do all day. i babysite and i charge 15$/day. that would range 300$/month. and with the wic...helping out. youll only have diapers and clothing to afford. take your 9month pregancy, adn shop thrift store, to get babies 1st year of clothing so you dont have to stress over that, and when baby gets here..start buying for babies second year.take your time, visit thrift shop once a week, as they always get new stuff in. and youll end up with everything baby needs. ask for a baby shower, to try and get some new clothing and big pieces you may need. if your stuck on spaces, and you dont have much money, get a playpen for baby to sleep in, until you can afford a good crib. you could get a good one in a consignment shop for about 40$. i think you should give this a try. make sure to enroll on WIC and MEDICAID as soon as possible. to get all the check ups and basic food youll need troughout your pregnancy. good luck, and dont give up. iam 22yrs and pregant for the 3rd time. i love my kids.!!!! and i think iam a good mom. youll make it!!! their is enough resources around to help. you have 9months to get prepared!!!


Amy - October 19

Something that hasn't been mentioned is that you get a bigger tax return from the government when you have a child too. I know it doesn't help right away but it will eventually! I hope you decide to keep your baby. You obviously love him/her and want the best. Do you have any family near you? They can be the biggest help when you have a baby. My mom babysits for my brother's baby and my sister's baby so they don't have to worry about daycares. My family also pitches in and buys diapers and formula. Every little bit helps. I don't have any kids yet (besides one on the way) so I really can't tell you how expensive it is. But I know people who have lived on next to nothing and raised children. You just make do with what you have and lean on others for help. I think the suggestions of WIC and secondhand stores are great ones. Find out what the federal gov't can do for you since your state can't help with day care. Does the state help with anything else? I don't know where the father of your baby is, but child support is important for him to pay if you are single. I hope you make the decision that is right for you and your baby. God bless!


TO Karine - October 19

Depending on where you live you may qualify for help with milk coupons and basic staples for the pg . I was also given prenatal vitims from the health department in calgary provided this service. Phone you health care in the province you live in.


karine to:karine - October 19

Yeah, i know about the health department, i never took it, cause to get those here where i live, you need to put up with nurses calling you and visiting you once in a while, and i didt want that LOL. I could have used it the first time, but with my son and this pregnancy i dont need it.And like i said, i only used food bank twice in four years. When hubby went from one job to the other. But we arnt in need....i would very much prefer to let others who need it the most use it. Their is alot of people like Lee, that truly are in need, to get them started. And unfortunatly here in you may know, alot of people cheat the system, and take away from people who truly need it. i see it alot here. see all these people that tell ya you can do it!!!! take everyone's advice, cause if you love this baby, and you give it up, JUSt cause you thought you had to, you will regret it the rest of your life. Although the baby may have everything ($$ material wise( with an adoptive family, he wont have his bio. mom. And that is the most important thing. Like Amy said, alot of people make it with nexted to nothing, and their children are happy. We are four and soon five. We live on about 28 000$/year. And you know what? It aint that bad, we even get to spoil ourselves more than we like. LOL. And eventhough i did alot of thrift stores. i still was able to buy alot new, inc.all big pieces. But i started buying everything when pregnant, and even after. My kids have really nice clothing. And i love washing and fixing, so they arnt stained or ripped. you can make alot out of nothing!! so as long as you want it. Try to do garage sales this summer before baby comes and get last minute sales. put signs up, in newspaper, asking for cheap or givin items for your baby. Pick them up, sometimes people have alot lying around in bas____nt and dont know what to do with it.


teigan - October 19

believe me,, money is not everything, you could give this baby so much more. babys are exciting it shouldnt be a daunting experience for you, try and get as much help as you can and let us all know what happens. and good luck to you and your baby.. xxx its not as hard as what you think.. xx


Alex - October 19

Only you know your situation. Do what is best for the baby. The ultimate act of love is not being selfish but thinking of the baby. I have an adopted son and am thankful he had loving mother that was wise enough to realize she could not provide for him. Because she absolutely could not. You may not be in the same situation. But think long and hard and listen to your heart.


lee - October 19

Thanks for the advice. It still does not help with the cost of child care-b/c this is a huge expense I will have. Does anyone know of a federal program that funds child care? So far everything I found directs me to a state link,and I a back to square 1.


karine - October 19

it would help more if you were to give the state you are in. cause every state is different


Amaya's mommy aka Stephanie - October 19

What state do you live in? Some places you can get federal grants but that sometimes also depends on the state.


Leigh - October 19

Yeah, the state would be a great help. One of my relatives who does day care has a few federally funded kids, so I know it's out there. Do you have any family who can help out? Where there's a will, there's a way!



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