Scared To Tell

22 Replies
Scaredycat - June 15

I'm 24 and my bf is 25, I just confirmed that I am pregnant (11 weeks). I am REALLY worried about how my bf is going to take the news. If he is the Man that I think he is everything will work out fine, but what if he isn't! I am an only child and my parents are both gone, so I would be raising this child on my own without any help if he runs. I suspected that I was pregnant before now but my family doctor confirmed it. I am also worried that when I tell him he will be mad/disappointed that I didn't talk to him about it sooner. We have been dating for about a year now and have talked about marriage and kids before, he has told me that he isn't ready for that yet (Strike One). When we talked about marriage he made me promise that we would NEVER buy a mini van (Strike Two). We were talking about pets a while back (he has a cat) and he said "I like dogs, but cats are better. less commitment, You can leave them alone with food and litter and they are fine" (fear of commitment strike three). Every time we have done it he would ask about my birth control pills and we usually used condoms as well. He just bought a new motorcycle and can be a little crazy and reckless at times, I heard him telling his friend that he has had his bike up to 260kmh, what does he need to go that fast for? I guess what I am looking for is how to tell him. Do I just bluntly drop the bomb on him and say "I'm Pregnant" and watch the explosion? or do I drop hints about it, like having him over for dinner and asking him warm these up in the oven and hand him some garlic bread then when he does it say something cute like opps you put a bun in the oven. How did you all tell your partner? I guess I just needed to talk to somebody about this. I feel better just typing it. I am worried that if I talk to anybody about this somebody will let it slip before I tell him.

 

justine - June 15

Hey Scaredycat, I wouldn't just drop the bomb cause then he has no choice but to be shocked. The idea you have about putting the bun in the oven is perfect! And people that like pets usually have a soft spot. I'm sure he'll warm up. Good luck!

 

Newhoneybuns - June 15

Wow scaredycat , my bf is exactly like yours. Or should i say was. I'm 28 years old he's turning 22 today and i'm 22 weeks pregnant. We started going out at the end of august 2005 (not even a year yet). At xmas we got engaged. Anyways he was afraid of comitment and everything that came with that as well. At the xmas holidays we had started trying to get pregnant although we never thought it would work right away so when i told him that i was pregnant at valentine's day he was happy but not like i imagined. I let time went by and it didn't take too long for him to be loving this child and basing is whole life upon the baby. Now all he talks about is daddy's little girl (although he was a bit disappointed cause he wanted a boy). The baby isnt born yet and eveything he does he thinks of the baby before. He used to love ATV racing and car racing but now he doesnt do it anymore he says he got 2 ladies in his life now to think of which i think is really sweet. So since your bf looks like mine in some ways i would advise you to go gentle on him and do not worry if he doesnt seem too excited at first cause that will come along with time. And if you need to talk you can also do so with my email which is [email protected] and btw my name is Natacha. I wish you luck and pray your story will turn out like mine :-)

 

Jamie - June 15

I'm curious as to why the no-minivan rule is a strike? In addition to the bun in the oven idea, serve foods with a baby-oriented theme, like baby back ribs, baby carrots, baby corn, etc.

 

KLT - June 15

I told my daughters father on his birthday. We hadn't been together a year yet and he proposed to me right before Christmas and then I found out I was pregnant in January..and told him on Feb. 11th. We had gone out to dinner with our friends and after dinner, in the car, I gave him his present, which was a box with a baby blanket, a teddy bear that says My First Teddy and a bib that says I love my daddy". He was definitely very shocked.. I don't think you can avoid the fact that your boyfriend will get shocked...no matter what. Imagine yourself in his position. But I think if he is the man you think he is (as you say), he will accept this as he accepts you. Sometimes we have ideas about how our lives will go and what are priorities are...but then something major like this happens and things change. If you asked me at Christmastime what my priorities and goals were...they certainly wouldn't be to be a mom and all the things that come with being a parent. Things change! I am more than happy and excited to be a mom and my husband is thrilled. I think I even saw him shed a tear secretly when I told him. Now, his priorities have shifted, he works really hard to bring in extra money so we can be ok, he takes care of me, and we both no longer go out to the bars like we used to each weekend. I really hope things work out for you but I suggest you don't stall on this much longer. Try not to focus on the little things (the "strikes") because the more you think about these things, the more its going to freak you out. You are welcome to email me as well, if you need to talk: [email protected] Kim~

 

dedaa - June 15

Well i am pretty bad when it comes to that part my husband and I were only dating for almost two months when I found out that I was pregnant we did not even get a chance to talk about anything yet. The very first time we slept together I got pregnant. So I was pretty uncomfortable with the idea of telling him. So I went to his place and we were laying in bed just talking and I said by the way I took a pregnancy test today then I started talking about something else he then asked me well what did it say I told him oh that I am pregnant he was shocked at first and just told me he would support whatever choice I made. I said to him well Im going to keep it so after a couple days he turned to be more excited then me and now baby is 7 months and we got married last month.Everything worked out really well. My husband continues to tell me that he will never buy a van though. We just found out that I am pregannt again last week with #3 so we are going to need a bigger vehicle then we have.LOL

 

venus_in_scorpio - June 15

my husband and I have been married a year and a half and together for like 6 years and he was NOT ready for a baby. IWhen s/he is born, I will be 21 and he will be 25. BUT I am surprised how he has gotten used to the idea of being a dad. we lived next door to a couple in the same boat as us, just had their baby a month ago and we get along great, and being around the other guy has helped my husband realize that its not all bad. LET ME TELL YOU though he said ABSOLUTELY no kids for at least 5 years but he is owning up so far... so hopefully he IS the man you think he is. good luck

 

YC - June 15

Hello. I was 28 when I got pregnant and my boyfriend was 27. We had been dating for a while and talked about both marriage and kids but were not planning on doing it quite so soon....SURPRISE!!!...I found out I was pregnant at 6 weeks along. I was nervous to tell him to...I knew he would be there no matter what but still I was a little scared as she was not planned. I was on the depo shot so we were using protection. Sounds like you were to. Anyhow I told him and it took a momant or two to sink in. There was some initial shock...I am sure that was the last thing he was expecting to hear that day. He has been supportive throughout and loves me and his daughter...who is now 6 months old. Though she wasn't "planned" the two of us always talk about how we could not imagine life without her. I hope this is the way it works out for you. These little ones are the biggest blessing and there is no better feeling in the world than being a mommy...to me at least. I wuld not do the cute "bun in the oven" thing due to the circ_mstances. I would sit him down and tell him. Give him some time to process it all and come around to the idea of being a daddy. If he does not come around know that you can do it on your own. Yes it will be hard but there are plenty of strong women out there who do it everyday. I wish you the best of luck. Keep us posted. And by the way...CONGRATULATIONS!!!

 

YC - June 15

LOL!!! I was kinda curious about why the no mini-van was a strike as well? I am not a fan of mini-vans (no offense against anyone who drives one). I say all the time even if I have 5 kids (which I dont plan to do) I WILL NOT DRIVE A MINI_VAN!!! I am more of an SUV girl myself LOL!!!

 

12345 - June 16

Well I am going to tell him tomorrow, I have to tell him it's ripping me apart. I guess the minivan thing isnt really a strike, he says he doesn't like them because they try to kill him all the time, he says they just don't play enough attention to the road. I have to admit there might be some truth to this for a motorcyclist. I was on the back of his bike on day last fall and a van did a left turn right in front of us, we missed hitting it by maybe an inch. I thought we were going to die. We stopped right after it happened cause he wanted to know if I was ok and if I was ok to continue cause he would get his car if I wasn't. I thought it was so sweet at the time. later we were talking about it and he told me a Large number of near misses with mostly minivans. He was hit by one on the 401 riding in a group of bikes, he managed to not crash and the driver of the van just kept driving. 3 of his friends have crashed into vans left hand turning infront of them. He scares me when they talk about that kind of stuff. I don't think he will ever stop riding, he has crashed and seen one of his good friends crash at high speed and be in a coma for 2 months. Some of the crazy things he does scare me even more now that I am pregnant.

 

falafal0 - June 16

Hi scaredycat, you know him best so you'll have to think about how to tell him in a way which will be sensitive to him. My husband also said he'd enevr get a minivan (we're looking at putting another row of seats in our wagon) mainly because (I think anyway) of the fact that he would have to drive it at times - a man thing. But the fact that he's had near misses would definately put him off them. My father almost died in a bike accident, and we were never allowed to ride motorbikes. I've never had to worry about how to tell my hubby, he's either known before me, or because I've thought I was pregnant, would go to the doctor and he's be waiting for the result when I came home. The last pregnancy he wanted for the past two years, so that was a no brainer. I hope that he is the guy you think he is, but like all life changing news, give him time if he doesn't react the way you want him to. I've seen it with friends, and it's VERY hard on the woman when the man reacts badly at first. It is alot to take in. Just make sure that he knows how you feel about him and the relationship and hopefully he's a communicator and you'll be able to see where he stands with the whole thing. Keep us posted and let us know how you are going. Good luck!

 

KLT - June 16

Hey...I was thinking about your situation and talked to my husband last nite about it. He told me that he thinks you should just tell your BF straight out. Says thats how he would want to be told...none of this poking around, dinners with baby back ribs or other baby type foods....just tell him. He says he'd be shocked no matter how he feels but thats an initial reaction. If he's the man you think he is, he will be there for you and change some of his regular habits to become a dad and your supporter, and if he runs...then as hard as it will be for you, you can still make it...he says "you do what you have to do for you and your child, who will be the most important thing to you in this world". As far as the minivan thing...which everyone seems to be talking about....why do you need a minivan? We aren't getting one. I drive a sports car now..and he has a SUV. I'm still driving my car until I can no longer get in and out of it (which is starting to happen) and eventually we are just going to switch cars. I think the SUV will be more than adequate for our needs..

 

Lynne - June 16

Just tell him straightout. He is going to freak out no matter what way you tell him so make it easier on yourself. While eating dinner say, "I'm pregnant, pa__s the steak sauce." Besides you are the one who is pregnant and your feelings are what should matter, he is a man. He may have a shock at first but he will think about it and come to terms. Theres no way around that. Besides, he had a part in this as well.

 

12345 - June 17

Well he knows, nothing really went as I planned. he was supposed to come over for dinner tonight, but he was almost and hour early (he is never early) and I was replying to this forum when he came in, and I didnt have time to close things properly so I just put the computer in sleep mode. I told him I needed to have a shower and I would be right back and we would have dinner, and I suggested he watch some tv for a min. I was in the bathroom when I heard my computer turn on, then I though I heard an "awe F me". my heart sank and I started to cry. then I heard the exact thing I didnt want to hear, My door apartment door opening an closing, and shortly thereafter his bike speeding away. I lost it and everything is a blur for a while, I ended up crying on my bed. I never even heard him come back (He was only gone for about 20 min). He scared me almost to death when he kissed my cheek. He said he was really sorry for leaving, but he though he would be back before I got out of the shower. I tried to ask him what he had left for but it just came out as a blubbering mess. then he held me, after a few min He asked is there something you want to tell me. I told him straight out. and he said "everything is ok it just excellerates things". I wasnt sure what he ment by that untill he knelt down infront of me and pulled out a ring. he kinda got choked up and said I've been carrying this round for about a month, trying to find the right time, this must be it. will you marry me?" Well it was time for blubbering mess to return all I could do was nod my head. He told me that he had been carrying it around all the time even sleeping with it trying to find the right moment. when it came and he didnt have it he freaked out and thats why he had left. I think everything is going to be just fine, stupid jerk put me though hell to get there though (I'm just kidding he's not a jerk). He did tell me that he was dissappointed that I didnt didnt tell him when I first thought I might be pregnant. "your my love and my life, we have to be able talk about anything and everything and never keep things from me again". We completely forgot about the dinner I had made and it was completely ruined. I couldn't sleep and had to tell somebody my news. well I am going back to my sweetie, maybe I will be able to get some sleep. I don't know how or why I ever douted him, guess I'm the stupid jerk.

 

dedaa - June 17

Wow, that is an incredible night for you. I am so happy for you. I don`t think he could have taken it any better and now you have his support congratulations. That is probably one of the cutest stories I have ever heard to. You are not a jerk for worrying we all just want whats best for our children. So goodluck again I am very happy for you.

 

animemom - June 17

I"m more blunt and came right out and told my daughter fathers, we were really young then. This time around, *nothing confrimed yet* I just came right out and told my SO

 

KLT - June 19

YAY!!!! I'm so happy for you...all three of you! : ) Congratulations....and you were freaked out for nothing! hehee. You got a good man there! Now you can stop freaking out...and enjoy your pregnancy together... ha...this'll be fun...all the farting and constipation you're going to go thru...you're gonna be kicking him for getting you pregnant! (J/K). :-P

 

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