Staying With Mom First Week After Baby Is Born

21 Replies
Dustie - October 6

Does anyone have any opinions about staying with a relative, in my case, my Mom, for a few days to a week after the baby is born? The reason this was planned was because my husband does not have any paid off time and he wasn't planning to take any unpaid time off except while we are in the hospital. I feel like I can handle the baby by myself, but why should I have to if my Mom is willing and able, with plenty of room and time to help me out. I told him he doesn't have to sleep at my Mom's, he can go home at bedtime and come back after work each day (for only a few days). I figure I will need some recovery time and if she can watch the baby while I get to sleep a little, what harm is that? Also, my due date is Christmas. I don't think a baby should be taken out in the cool weather everyday for me to be able to sleep at home and then go to her house during the day. He HATES the thought of staying with my Mom. She can be difficult, and they have clashed before, and so have she & I, but we have no way of knowing that she would be difficult in this situation within just a few days. AND if she causes any trouble, I know the way home. She has already bought us a queen size bed for the room we would be staying in. We live next door to his parent's and he says his Mom can help me out. But, I can't see me calling my Mother in law and saying, come watch the baby while I sleep, that just sounds selfish. Plus, she has not mentioned a word about being willing to help out in anyway. She has a husband and son at home and my Mom is alone, she would LOVE the company. What does everyone think?


nhb - October 6

I'd stay with her if it were me--while your husband may feel that his family could help out, yours can just as well! Plus, your mom offered and his didn't. I agree with you, I would go stay with her, he doesn't have to if he doesn't want to. And if there is trouble, like you said, you know the way home; it's not like she'd be holding you prisoner there. I think it's great that she's able to help you out when you just get home! Take advantage of the extra rest while you can. Good luck with your decision and husband AND new baby! Wow, you've got a lot going on!


M - October 6

I say stay with mom for a couple of days. Like you said if anything goes wrong you can just go home.


J - October 6

I would rather have my mom stay with me so that I would be in my own house but that is me. If you are comfortable with it fine.


kl - October 6

i would have my mom stay with me so that the baby gets used to her normal surroundings and you and the baby get set in a pattern at home...routines are important to babies


A - October 6

Stay with her for a couple of days. You will never be caught up on sleep, believe me. But help in the first days would be nice. I'd talk to your dh about it, and remind him that he's going to work everyday while you're being left to care for this living, breathing thing that is new to you. He shouldn't be selfish about it, but support the fact that you want to get some help. And well, there's no way in you-know-what that I'd ask my MIL to help watch the baby, so I don't blame you on that end. Just ask your dh to deal with it for 2-3 nights. After that, you need to be going home anyhow; your mom can't give you a room the whole time. You've got 18 years left to go!


Dustie - October 6

Thanks everyone. There is no room for Mom to stay with us. We have 1 bed. She is 75, takes oxygen at night and has a dog, (we have cats), I can't see making her sleep on the sofa. So, going to her house is the only option if she is going to help us. He now thinks that he may take a few days off without pay after we come home. If he does that I think going home is fine and when he goes back to work, we will go to Mom's then, just for a few days. Please just pray for us that we can come to a joint decision that won't cause more fights.


To Dustie - October 6

Go to her. If you don't feel like staying, you can always just say you miss home and it's not her, but you have to go back.


val - October 6

Personally I could never stay with my mom or anybody right after having a baby, I am going to want to be home alone getting to know my little one. BUT to each his own, and if staying with your mom would make you feel better and is what you want, then by all means, DO IT!! I'm sure your mom would love the company, that would be great for her to get to spend so much time with her new grandbaby. Your husband will just have to understand that with you taking care of the baby by yourself all day because he has no leave, you need to do what you feel is best for you.


Michelle - October 6

I stayed with my Mom after I had the baby the first time and will do it again. She took time off work because my husband had to work. It was hard, I missed my husband, because we live in San Antonio and my Mom lives in Houston. It was easier for me since I had a c/s and was not getting around well at all. I thought I could do it without my mother, but I was wrong. Stay with your mom. I would perfer that any day over my mother in law. Moms are always more understanding. Luckily my husband agreed that I should stay with my mom. He came and saw me on the weekend and then we went home together. I am due with another baby in January and my mom already said she is saving vacation time for me. My husband already knows I will go and he is fine with that.


marlene - October 6

Dustie- I know I would much rather have my mother around than my in-law. She is fussy and worries to death. I think she would wear me out even more. I would feel much more comforitable with my mom helping. If your husband does not want you to leave the house for several days....why does your mom not stay with you during the day and let you rest, and then she can leave at night? Unless you were wanting your mom to take some of the night duty. You've got a generous mom if thats the case. well, hope it all works out for ya.


Lucy - October 6

Stay with your mom, you need all the help you can is such a shock to the system, the birth, the resposibility and the lack of sleep. My mom came to my house nearly everyday to help and i can still remember getting up one morning calling her and bursting into tears as i was so exhausted.


Lisa - October 6

I'll be flying home at the start of January to have my baby in March and I'll be staying at my parents house till the baby is 8 weeks old; as the baby can't fly any time before that. My husband and I are on expat in Korea and I want to be with my family for this first baby, I really don't want to do it alone. It sounds good to me. What ever makes you feel better it what really matters.


TruckinFool - October 6

I'd consider you relationship with ur mom....If you get along great, I say go for it.....If it's like me and my mother...I'd have to advise against it....not worth the trouble and stress


to Marlene - October 7

Mom doesn't have a car and hasn't driven in years. So, that isn't an option either. I think after we talked last night my husband is coming around. Thanks everyone!


ally - October 8

You will so appreciate ur mums help. I say go for it. I couldn't have stayed at my mother in laws either, its just not the same as mum and if she does try to give u advice etc, from mum in law it annoys u, from mum its tolerable, at least thats how it is for me.... All the best and use the time to go shopping for additional things u didn't realise u would need, more bunny rugs, mittens etc cause i had a winter baby too and the washing is endless. Use the week to treat urself at least once or twice out of the house as its hard with a baby. Depending on where u are though, like i dont mean canada winter but its still ok to take out a baby all rugged up in the pram as they need fresh air too, i mean as long as its not snowing raining freezing, cool is okay........ Enjoy your mum as she will be a big help.........


Maleficent - October 8

call me a stick in the mud if you want, but are you having this baby with your husband or your mother? it looks to me like he really wants to spend all the time he can with you and the baby, why else would he now be concidering non-paid leave? dad's get pushed out of the picture ALOT. he needs time to bond with the baby and most guys i know would not be comfortable "bonding" under the watchful eye of their mother in law. i think staying with your mom could possible throw a wrench in the new father and baby relationship. especially if he and your mom don't have a great relationship. my husband is in the military and i've seen how even a short time away from the new baby can have a lasting effect on dad's confidance when it comes to child care. please think things over some more, don't discount your husbands feelings about this.



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