Telling People You Re Pregnant Not So Good Response

10 Replies
??? - October 23

When I first got pregnant I was really excited...of course! But I have this friend who really want kids and his wife does not want children at all; so it is always on his mind really and he is starting to get really bitter about it. They are also both in their 40's so he feels like time in running out on him. When I told him he was not really happy for me at all and it got me really angry with him. This person is supposed to be my friend and this is a major life changing event for me, in the good way. We really have not been the same since and in a way I'm kind of happy about it as I don't want to be around someone who makes me feel bad... Has this happened to anyone at all?

 

Tiffany - October 23

My problem is kinda like that but its my father in law. We still havent told him. Well get a lecture on how we should have waited or the the timing isnt right(my husband is in boot camp) I think the timing is great. Im not as lonely! He will get over it.

 

Lisa - October 23

I'm starting to think that some people are only happy for you if they either have the same thing or more than you do...

 

Liz - October 23

I agree with Lisa. Im sorry "???" about your friends response. He is just frustrated, he will probably come around sooner or later. Dont sweat it, and congratulations on your pregnancy!! -Liz [email protected]

 

Me - October 23

When my husband and I found out that we were pregnant we were estatic I am 20 he is 24 we have been married for 2 years and had been trying to get pregnant for about a year when we found out we were calling every one when i called a friend of mine of 8 years to tell her ( she has a 10 month old son) the first words out of her mouth were not congradulations they were dont get too excited most woman lose their first pregnancy i was so p__sed at her for what she said to me i didnt call her for abour 3 months when i finally called her i told her that she really upset me by what she had said and she got mad at me for it i told her that we are both mature adults and have been friends long enough were if one of us says or does something to the other we should be able to discuss it in discent manner I called her the other day for the first time since we have discussed the issue to let her know that we find out boy or girl on monday and we are not the same it just really upsets me be cause she got pregnant out of wedlock (im not perfect but i dont agree with it) and i was nothing but happy and supportive of her my husband is in the military so we now live out of state and i made a special point to see here and the baby as soon as we come home for the first time after she had had the baby why cant she return the same happiness for me that i should her!!!!!!!!!!

 

??? - October 23

It's been 5 months now and he's still the same..one minute he is happy; the next he is not. He's now saying that all the emails I send him with the baby updates and such and how my pregnancy is going so far...he is not getting. If he does not want to get them anymore because it's too hard for him then he only has to tell me. He's being so dramatic about everything. We've all known his wife does not want kids, she's never wanted kids and he's known this as well. He tells us (his friends) that he does not really love her anymore but he is still with her and is expecting us to feel sorry for him. He can't even have a dog because they might ruin her designer clothing...Do something about it if you don't love her! He just turns everything into a big drama and I really am tired of it. I know this it bad to say, but I really am. He's worse then a chick for the dramatics...I was so upset when he made me feel the way he did; I'm so glad I have a great husband. I think Lisa is right; it's hard because we've been friends for 7-8 years now and I can feel it falling apart.

 

Lindsay - October 24

My situation started out kind of like yours but got better. my very close friend of three years basically was convinced i wasn't even preganant because i had tested neg on three hpt before testing pos a few days after missing my period.she was like, 'oh well, you'll have fun trying again,' but seemed really happy that i "wasn't" pregnant. then a few days later when i happily told her that i was, she was like,' okay, um explain, how is that possible?' she is really kind of naive about a lot of things so i had to explain how hormone levels have to be whatever amount the test can detect for the test to actually detect it. well, she didn't congratulate me, a went on being miserable for the rest of the day. she finally approached me and said, (in a non-convincing way) 'look, i am happy for you you but i am like this much jealous (she at this point made distance between her 2 hands)" i was flabergasted that she just freaking told me she was jealous of me!!!!! i just hurtfully said "ok" see, i am married and already have 1 kid and she is 3 years older than me(we actually share our birthday) and all she wants in life is to be a mom amd wife and live happily ever after. but we also share a very close mutual friend , and she was appauled when i told her what happened. so when my jealous friend started to tell her how she wanted everything i had , our other friend told her how messed up she was to think that and put her in her place. my firend has never appologized or said anything about it, but she seems a lot more supportive now and does really seem happy for me and interested in what is going on w/ me(body changes, etc.) so my point (finally!! :) to ??? is : do you have any mutual friends with your friend who is desperately miserable? cause maybe they could talk to him and try to set up something that could get him to share his feelings and then they could set him straight! sometimes all it takes is a third party's opinion to snap someone out of their c___p once they finally realize what they are even doing. i f not, i would say confront him yourself; if you're close, you should be able to. i would have my friend if it would have gone on for 1/2 as long as your situation. good luck... i know how important it is for friends and loved ones to be supportive when we're all hormaonal and c___p!!! :)

 

??? - October 24

Thanks...we do have a mutual friend but she is not really helping. My husband and I were going though a really bad stage and we were not getting along (first year into marriage) and after a while of me being so unhappy she finally said may be I should end the relationship because we were both unhappy. But we worked through it and we're fine now; but she still thinks it was kind of a bad idea for me to get pregnant and that a baby will not make it better. We worked on it for a while before the baby came; we are now past our 2nd year marriage. So, there is really not much help in that area. This is why I like dogs better than people i think.

 

tiffani~8 days to go!! - October 24

To ???~ This sounds like a jealousy issue more than anything. Your friend is just having a hard time being happy for you when you are about to have the baby he can only dream of. While his behavior is hurtful, I don't think that's his intent, it's just the only way he knows how to act. He's hurting more and more with every tick of the clock. I can't imagine wanting to have children and not being able to, whether on my own or through adoption. It must be agony, and he must truly love his wife to have married her knowing (i'm a__suming he knew) she didn't want kids and he did. Try to look at this from his perspective and don't take offense to his less than enthusiastic response. Any chance you can have a "heart to heart" talk with him? Maybe you can get your friendship back, and better yet, maybe he can form a special relationship with your child that will help him cope with not having his own. You can refer to him as "Uncle Mike" or something like that. I have a friend who couldn't have kids because of endometriosis, and while she was 100% supportive of me throughout my pregnancy, it was only afterwards that she couldn't handle the reality of her situation and withdrew herself from my life. She later confided in me, after she moved back to London, that she was jealous and just couldn't handle being around us. It was a hard time for us both, because we were soul mates where friendship is concerned. Looking back, I don't blame her, but rather I sympathize, as I couldn't imagine not having children. I hope this helps! :o)

 

same situation - October 24

to ??? I am in the same situation as you are. I told my only friend i have where i live and all she said was "oh, are you going to keep it" i m like ofcourse and im really happy about it, even now im 17 weeks and she is still very distant to me. so now I got really lucky and a friend of my husbands wife is reallyol and we hang out. i get a break from the drama from my other friend!

 

Jamie - October 24

I've got one, too...hubby and I found out I was pregnant, so we were calling parents to tell them - my mom's response? "I wish I could be happy for you." WTF???

 

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