They Want Me To Abort We Want To Keep It

16 Replies
Michelle - October 9

I'm having trouble with some of my family members. My boyfriend and I have only been together a year and a half and don't plan on getting married - we are happily in love, don't have any problems and flat out just don't feel the need to get rings or go through all that. We're really good together and very happy, we just don't have a reason to follow the pack and get married becuase we're "suposed to", and if anything does unfortunatly change between us, we'd rather not have to deal with a divorce. Anyway, we recently found out I'm pregnany - probably 10 weeks now - see the dr on thrusday. His family is happy, my mother's (who has passed away) side of the family is happy, but my fahter's side is not. It is really bothering me that they will not stop insiting I get married or have an abortion. I keep telling them I am keeping the baby and I am pro choice, but I personally have no reason to give this baby up and I am willing to face the long road ahead. They keep reminding me how this will interfere with my travel and college plans, and financially and physically - as if I didn't know this. Do they really think I'm that stupid? I realize this will be a huge financial issue - but my parents were still in high school and working in fast food places when they had my brother and I - I'm already a few steps ahead of them (21, taking a nursing assistant class - graduate nov. 21, and bf and I are currently cooks making more money than any new parent's we know of so we can obviously get through this - in fact, we unfortunatly make too much to get any help from the state other than WIC, which will suck when I'm out of work and could use the extra help). I am just so p___sed off and appuled that they want me to get rid of it becuase it's an unplanned inconvinence. They tell me whatever I choose they will be behind me 100% - so why can't they just act it. I told them my choice. I'm about ready to explode on them and tell them that if they don't want me to have this baby, then fine, they don't have to be a part of it's life!

 

Cant really help - October 9

THIS is not something any of us can help you with. You will have to work this out with them, but remember they just want the best for you. Hopefully they come around later on. I had to put off school for my baby

 

Gemma - October 9

I think that your dads side of the family are being very selfish. You should make it clear to them that you are going ahead with the pregnancy whether they like it or not. I think they will feel very guilty once you have had your beautiful baby thinking that they told you to get rid of him/her.

 

Jamie - October 10

Getting married would be more of a hindrence (sp?) to travel/college plans than being a unmarried mom. Do what you're gonna do, and tell them that it's not their baby or their life, so they really don't have any say whatsoever in what you do.

 

sue - October 10

A baby is a gift from the lord.You will get through this.There is a areason things happen the way they do.Just ask the lord to guide you and he will.

 

To michelle - October 10

......join the ranks of this day in age. Some people support you, some don't. My feelings are extremely strong against abortion. went thru the same thing....feel sorry for ya

 

JULIE - October 13

HAVING A BABY IS NO REASON TO GET MARRIED. WE ARE NOT IN THE FIFTIES ANYMORE. UNDERSTAND THAT IS AN OLDER GENERATION SPEAKING. BESIDES WHO NEED A MARRIAGE CERTIFICATE AND AN TAX ID NUMBER TO LEGITIMIZE A MARRIAGE IN THE EYES OF GOD.

 

A - October 13

Don't abort your baby. There are programs to use and a way to make your life work. You just have to be willing to try things. As for family, don't listen to those who aren't supportive - you do what you want and it's obvious you want your child. From what you've posted, it also seems your life is going pretty well. Remember that things may be tough now, but those in the nursing profession are making good wages so once you're done with that you'll REALLY be on a good path. I think you can make it. If a single, high school girl can make it then certainly two competent (and educated) individuals can! GOOD LUCK!

 

Rayne - October 13

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost two years now and I'm 32 weeks pregnant. Since we are more then happy the way that we are, and we know we love each other.. why ruin it with marrage? I know a lot of people won't agree with me, exspecially the older generations. But you need to worry about YOU and what makes YOU happy in your life. My boyfriend and I have the same philosophy. Marrage usually leads to divorce and most of the time misery. (I DID NOT SAY ALL) Personally, sometimes parents need to learn the hard way that you arn't a little girl anymore. Your now and adult and able to make adult decisions. But like I said, do what makes you happy because it is your happiness that counts the most.

 

jamie - October 18

My boyfriend and I have been together over 6 years and live together. And my mom and his parents were STILL upset when they found out we are having a baby. My mom is upset for one reason, that we aren't married. We plan on getting married in the future, but right now all our money needs to go towards the baby expenses, not a wedding...and we aren't giving up our wedding and going down to the courthouse just to make my mom feel better. His parents wouldn't even look at the u/s pictures. And they treat me completely different than they did before they found out I was pregnant. Everyone keeps telling me they will come around once the baby gets here, but I'm sorry if they are going to spend my whole pregnancy treating me like an alien and wishing that my baby were not here, then they will not be a part of my child's life once it is born. It doesn't need people around it that spent 10 months wishing it were not alive. It really sucks that people just can't be happy, and it gets me down a lot. I guess I don't have any advice for you, I wish I did, but I do know what you're going through.

 

.. - October 18

I think ur dad's family is just looking out for u cause they love you. I am totally against adortion. I had my first when I was 20 and it was planned I was married we were able to support a child also, I have 2 kids now and I wouldn't give it up for nothing in the world. U r preg now and yes it changes everything, at least when the baby becomes school age, u will not be traveling until they r out for vacations or breaks. My dh and I went everywhere we wanted to go with our boys and when school age came it stopped. Far as marriage goes that's up to u. Marriage can make it easier in so many ways and in so many ways it can be hard. I say if u wanna not get married then don't its best for u not to. It will be safe to tell them exactly that... yhey don't have to be apart of its life, then they will maybe understand u r serious. U have to stand up for urself and they have to understand its ur life not theirs. I had to put distance between my mother and I because she is one of those types that has gone thru a bad marriage and feel like all men are bad and she doesn't want any of her kids to be close to anyone but her. The distance changed her, I stopped calling everyday and I stopped telling her my business. You do what U need to do for u and ur baby.

 

Amy - October 18

This is no one's decision but your own! I peronally am pro-life so I completely disagree with those telling you to get an abortion! But even if I was pro-choice, I would say that it is not for them to decide. It is only up to you and your boyfriend! It is your baby! You will be the ones responsible for him/her not them. It might be hard, but it's worth it. My mom was 18 when she got pg with my sister. My dad was laid off and they weren't married. It was tough, but they managed and they got married when they were ready, not when everyone told them to. I would stand firm and say that this baby is going to be born and that if they want to be a part of his/her life, they better start accepting that. It might seem cruel to cut them out, but until they come around and realize that they have no say, it might be for the best. I hope everything works out for you. God bless.

 

Nancy - October 20

Its your baby your body your life and your choice...tell them you want to wait to get married so you can get more back for tax refunds for being a single mother...just kiddding..didnt get married till my son was two and my family doesnt care about kind of stuff but my husbands family may have had more concerns but never siad anything..good luck.. dont have to be married to be healthy and happy!

 

[email protected] - October 20

whatever you do make sure you're happy.YOU SHOULD KEEP YOUR BABY.I FEEL GOD IS THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN FORM LIFE WITHIN YOU.SO IF GOD HAS BLESSED YOU PLEASE CARRY OUT YOUR PREGNANCY.BY ALL MEANS STAY AWAY FROM NEGATIVE PEOPLE.THAT YOU WILL CARRY YOUR BABY TO TERM.BE ENCOURAGED!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

db - October 21

I think when you bring a child into the world (I am prolife). If you don't want it there are plenty of people who can't have children who can give a good home to a baby. If you plan to keep it you need to realize this child is your first priority, not your education, orworking 3 jobs to support it. And when a baby sees more of a daycare provider than their own parents it's a sad society. I understand your thinking on marriage and even if you don't agree now you will when your older but thats a very young way of thinking. A child needs a mother and father. Maybe if society acted a little more traditional we'd value the gift of life more. Put more work into a marriage rather than giving up so easily and have some family values.

 

I Sympathize - October 21

I live with my boyfriend of 4 years. We are deeply in love and are 8 weeks pregnant. My mother is "dissapointed" that we are not going to get married before the baby is born. Even after I showed her the first ultrasound photo and asked her is she was happy, she just looked at me and said "I wish you'd get married" and how tacky it will be to have my baby present at my own wedding. It hurt because I always dreamed of how my mom would be when I told her I was having a baby. Oh well. I still love her and I know she loves me, so what can you do? I didn't even tell the rest of the family yet because after seeing her reaction, I'm just not looking forward to it. Basically, wehn it comes to abortion, just look those people dead in the eye and tell them "that is not going to happen". And be very firm about it. I am pro-CHOICE and believe your choice to keep it is a wonderful one despite the hardship! I also, am not going to get married because "my mom pressured me". That ranks in the top 5 dumba__s reasons to get married. Don't worry they'll get over it. And if they don't want to see the baby after it is born, then it's their loss!!! And if they do come around the baby, but constantly make you feel bad tell them not to come around anymore. They will be very sorry when you do eventually end up getting married and they see that it doesn't really change anything and that they've been a-holes all along for nothing instead of just hanging in there with you.

 

steph - October 31

DONT DO IT! i am not married, i dated my bf for 7 mos and then got pregnant... i wouldnt even think of having an abortion... too great of a miracle to get rid of it.... i am lucky to have everyone in my family supportive... but for you its YOUR life... not theres... if you are older than 18 especially!

 

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