Why Don T I Feel The Same

13 Replies
Can't say, because there are some mean people here. - April 24

I wanted a baby for years. I'm happily married, financially secure, have a great job which I can carry on doing after the baby's born and my friends and family are wonderful. So why do I suddenly feel I don't want this baby? I'm hoping that once it's born that my instincs will just kick in again and I'll be able to love and care for my baby, but for now, it just feels like I'm out of my depth. I was so happy when I discovered I was pregnant, but now I'm the only one who's not excited about it. Anyone else been through this?

 

im not mean!! - April 24

having a baby is a big thing for anyone,im still ttc and i dont personally know but ive read and heard that as soon as you see your baby it will change,im sure you will be fine! good luck

 

minx - April 24

haha im the same. how far along are you? boyfriend says realization will come once we can see our bellies protruding and the baby is moving inside us. anxiety, not knowing if we could be as good mothers as we are career women can cause depression, and we worry how its going to go the whole 9 months. our priorities will shift later in the pregnancy when we are limited in what we could do for work and feel that physically we are exhausted and voila! the baby/delivery/nesting takes center stage.of course i dont feel this RIGHT NOW but i can imagine it to be.

 

Can't say - April 24

Thanks for not being mean. I'm 21 weeks and can feel my baby kicking (which makes me feel sick) and the further along I am, the more depressed I become.

 

minx - April 24

maybe the new experience and venturing into the unknown scares you a bit? wondering if youre doing the right thing? how the new baby might affect your career? your lifestyle? try to think positive. the baby is dependent on you. it is your responsibility.why not think of it as a new 'project' and the ways you could extend yourself to this new being.im a career woman myself and i feel exactly like you. i opt to stay neutral and told myself ill do my best for this baby because it deserves all the love i could give and its a part of me.im actually not looking forward to feeling the baby 'kicking' inside me--this must feel weird. but its a part of the whole package. again, think-- its a part of you.its important that at least you try to get this sink in in your head-- thought the feelings aren't always (if at all) there.

 

Can't say - April 24

Thanks for your responses. I'm going for a scan on Tuesday, so I hope I will feel different when I see my baby again. I felt great at the 12 week scan. I guess it could be just fear of the unknown. I guess I've always been in love with the romantic idea of having a baby with someone I love, but it's only just dawned on me what a huge responsibilty I'm taking on. I lack confidence in myself.

 

jena - April 24

i think you got it just right - that you lack confidence in yourself, and you shouldn't. hey, at least it's just one baby! :) i'm pregnant for the first time and i'm carrying twins - VERY nervous/thinking I can't do it. I will of course, and it will be hard but I will be fine - but it's hard to know that now. Since it sounds like you will have tons of help from your DH and family and friends, you don't have to worry about the beginning - you will meet your baby and fall in love instantly. you always hear of people saying they gave birth and "never knew they could love someone that much". I think your doubts are completely normal and if you are feeling depressed, just talk to your doc about it because there are meds you can take during pregnancy that are safe - they want you to be as happy as you are healthy, so don't fret about asking either. good luck and have faith in yourself!

 

..... - April 26

I read in a pregnancy book that it is actually healthy to have those types of feelings because the realization has finally sunk in and when you face something head on that is new can be very overwhelming and even scary to the point that we may think we don't want it anymore. It said as long as you deal with those feelings before the baby comes and talking to others about it should really help. I too just started feeling that maybe this is the wrong thing to be doing in my life as well right now, but realized I am just scared of the huge adjustments I have to make and that the baby will always have to come before my needs soon.

 

Jbear - April 26

I think there's a point in pregnancy when everyone realizes it's for real, and for most of us it scares the c___p out of us. It doesn't mean you're abnormal, it's just that the thought of being responsible for everything that happens to another human being is really scary. You'll adjust eventually...I was still terrified when my daughter was born, but the hospital won't let you leave with the baby until you know what you're doing with it, and there are a million books to read about what to do with babies, and your mom's advice will start seeming really good when you're a mom yourself. I think the doubt you're feeling is a little like getting cold feet before your wedding, but of course there's no backing out of becoming a mother, so it's even scarier. You'll enjoy your baby, it's amazing the way that they wiggle and kick after they're born, and you recognize the movements as the same as you were feeling in your belly.

 

Can't say - April 26

I'd just like to say thanks to everyone who answered and offered reasurance. I went for my 21 wk scan today and found out that I'm having a little girl! I felt really emotional, which always takes me by surprise. She had her head down and her hands over her eyes, as if she didn't want to be seen, which was really funny. Unfortunately my placenta is high but at the front so it was difficult to get a good photo of her, because her face was squashed up against it most of the time. It was a wonderful experience though and I'm on quite a high at the moment. Haven't felt like this for weeks, so I hope it lasts. Thanks again everyone. I'm off to buy something pink!

 

* - April 26

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Can't say - April 26

I'd also like to say good luck with your twins Jena! The thought of you having to cope with two babies, did make me feel better about having just the one, and you're right, I will have tons of support. Sometimes it's just hard to admit to people that I can't cope.

 

Carol - April 26

I feel the same way. It is weird because before I got PG all I wanted was a baby, we are older (29 and 35) have good jobs, a home, etc., but now I feel like I am just not ready and can't seem to get excited. I keep hoping it will pa__s. I hear all my friends talk about how they cried when they had the 20 week u/s, but I just don't feel like I will and then I feel like a bad person because I don't think that I will and what wil the tech think if I don't?!

 

tiffani~ edd 11/07/05 - April 26

Can't say~ I think you're feeling what many women are afraid to admit they feel, for fear of how they will be perceived. It sounds to me like you are bringing a baby into a happy, loving and secure world. What more could a baby want? I think your hormones are just out of whack and they're making you apprehensive. You're going to be a great mom. Just wait until she's born and you experience this overwhelming love for this tiny little person. All these fears will subside and your maternal instincts will take over. Congratulations on your little girl! :o)

 

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