Advice On Cheating Husband ASAP

106 Replies
karine - October 26

to teenie.....ummm...she is pregnant, and the last thing she should be doing is sleeping around, and taking a risk to get std's


Liz - October 29

you can print the emails out somewhere like work or a friends house then mail them to yourself anonymously from a location other than your house. Show him and tell them someone sent these to you in the mail.


ug - October 29

get an abortion asap


kamla - November 19

Well Sam, I just found out I'm in the same position as you. I am dying inside right now. i am 16 weeks pregnant and I spent the night at my mother's place with our kids to find him driving his mistress to school this morning bright and early. He didn't even have the decency to change his previous day's clothes. This woman is intent on ruining our marriage. I found out about her in the past and he a__sured me that it was over after a nasty confrontation with her. He won't even admit this time. I am so fed up I have no clue what to do. To confront them again is obviously a waste of my time. I can't live with the stress anymore either!


to kamla - November 19

why did u accept it the first time, i know ur pain, my partner left us but its not another woman


kme - December 30

Just ask him. Don't cry, don't even look concerned. Don’t tell him you snooped, if you are married why he would care if you snooped. You have a right and so dose him. Marriage is a compromise. See if he lies to you. If he dose, you will know that he is not worth it. If he is honest, ask him why. Men, who lie about cheating, will keep doing it. Men who tell the truth will have a reason. You may not like it; however how much is your marriage worth? Don’t double standard him, and don’t take an eye for an eye. One person must be the better half.


annon - January 19

let him know that you have doubts about where your marrahge is going....(my husband and i know the pa__swords and check eachothers e-mail for eachother all the time) explain that you are aware of his e-mails that your hurt and want an explanation. Dont get angry although it is expected that you are rased voices and fighting will not settle it. Start making plans on how you will do this alone so you and the baby are taken care of. Cheeting is always a hard thing to address but remember that a child is not a reason to keep a marrage because eventuly your son/daughter will see the distance between you. You and your baby deserve better and if he cant deal and correct his actions then its time to move on.good luck hun!


StressedToo - February 26

This is an old thread but here is my take on this topic: Leave him! A cheating husband or wife will never change, they will do it again. If they thought there was a reason to do it the first time they will find a new reason to do it again. If someone is not devoted enough to respect the relationship then the whole thing is not worth it to begin with. I hope everything worked out good for you.


To: StressedToo - March 6

Two years ago my husband cheated. I put down several "new rules" after D-day. If he didn't follow those rules I told him to ... leave. (Not my exact words, of course. What I actually said can't be typed here. LOL) He has bent over backwards ever since to fix the mess he made of our marriage & did everything I asked for and more. That was the ONLY way our marriage was going to survive. We have been to many marriage seminars & had months & months of marriage counseling & individual counseling. Several professionals have told us that a marriage CAN make it after an affair. (Not to mention the books I have read on infidelity that states the same.) The saying "once a cheat, always a cheat" is BS. If the unfaithful spouse is willing to do whatever it takes to stay together, then the marriage does have a chance. (I'm living proof of that & have met several others in my same boat ... I'm talking 20 plus years after the affair.) Yes, some do cheat again, but not all. Not by a long shot.


StressedToo - March 6

Most people that cheat once will cheat again. If someone finds a good reason to cheat once he/she will find a good reason to do it again. Maybe not the exact same reason but any other will do. Trust is something that once broken can't be repaired 100%, if you claim you can completely trust your husband and that you never think about the affair at all, then I tip my hat to you, you are defenitely a much better human being that I will ever be. In my opinion cheaters will allways be cheaters, they will just be a lot more careful not to be caught again too!! I have many friends that tried to fix a relationship in which their husband/wife cheated on them, some were able to try and pretend that thinks were working out for a while, some times for a very long time. But at the end I believe that all of them broke up, the pain never really went away.


To: StressedToo - March 6

I’m sorry but you are wrong again. I’ll take facts over someone’s opinion any day. Wouldn’t you? You see, I really have studied this (c___p) & I do happen to know what I’m talking about. I’ve heard hundreds of stories (compared to your few friends). And that is not mentioning the books, support groups, seminars, & counselors that back me up. "MOST" people will NOT cheat again. Statistics are not exactly the best but it’s definitely not “most”. Statistically? Less than half of those that have cheated in the past will cheat again. Again, NOT "most" & certainly NOT everyone. So tell me, where again do you get your information? Your friends you say? If your friend’s marriages broke it very well could be from the first affair & the damage that it caused. You were right on one thing. The pain never does go completely away. It’s the deepest hurt inflicted by a trusted loved-one that a spouse can ever experience. The sad thing is, I think that pain would be there whether I stayed or moved on. Some people just can’t handle that pain. Not once have I ever said I never think about the affair or trust him 100%. Get this. I don't trust ANYONE 100%. (Not even my own Mother.) Trusting like that would be foolish. I do realize that he CAN cheat again. But for that matter ANYONE can. If you would like to learn more about those of us that really have lived through an affair stop by one of my support groups & get a REAL ear full. I’m all about being honest & sometimes it just isn’t pretty. (Make sure you take out any hyphens if they appear.)


lawarn - March 6

Everyone makes mistakes and this may be one of his. Since he married you, there is no doubt that he loves you. Find out why he cheated. Maybe he was lacking something in your marriage or longing for something that he was afraid or un-comfortable to talk to you about. Something as small as special attention, or going out on dates, or telling him how handsome he is, or doing something extra special in the bedroom...You never know with me, but keeping them happy and satisfied can be hard work, but fun at the same time. I would not cheat back or leave him alone before I tried to fix the problem. Not all men cheat again and if you un-veil the problem he will not have a reason to cheat again. It is easy to let the spice slip out of a marriage and men get bored easily. But try to work it out, for better or for worse....But if it happens over and over again, don't be a fool for anyone because you deserve better....


lawarn - March 6

Forgot to answer your question.....honesty is what you are trying to recover here. Tell him what you saw and how you saw it. He can't get mad because he made a mistake too. Let him know you are being honest with him about your snooping because you want him to be honest with you about his cheating. Bring back the friendship to your relationship and honesty is the basis for every friendship....


StressedToo - March 6

People in support groups are one thing those that do not attend such groups are a different story, its like saying most alcoholics recover. What percentage of cheaters go to "therapy"? How many of them go to this groups you talk about? Most alcoholics that attend AA will make progress, but how many alcoholics in general attend AA? I speak from close hand experience when I say that once a cheater most likely than not will cheat again. I generaly don't speak (write in this case) about stuff I'm completely ignorant about. I have researched this topic, not as extensively like you it seems, but none the less I'm not completely ignorant. When it comes to relationships books, papers and thesis are one thing, for some odd reason the real world doesn't care what a book says, it kinda likes to do not adhere to some author's view on things. Human relationships and emotions in general are not an exact science.


To: StressedToo - March 7

LOL What the heck are you talking about? No it's NOT like saying most alcoholics’ recover. Not even close. This group isn't for cheaters. (Did you even bother to LOOK before you ran your mouth again? Obviously, NO.) This support group is for the BETRAYED spouses & they share their stories. I’ve read hundreds over the past two (plus) years! This is REAL LIFE. Real stories. Real emotions. I've lived through infidelity in my marriage. I know infidelity inside & out. Those on the support group(s) have lived it. Have YOU? If you have & he (or she) cheated again, that is your one story. And it does happen. I'm comparing hundreds of stories here. And statistics DO back what I’m saying. “Sometime”. Not “ALWAYS”. You have nothing but your personal “close hand experience”. Big deal. So do I! Only MANY more stories compared to your FEW. I'm telling you that you DO NOT know what you are talking about. And you do sound ignorant on the subject, not to mention depressing & hopeless as hell for those trying to recover. (So, really. If you don't have a point, and you don't, keep your negative, uneducated, garbage to yourself ... PLEASE!)


Kristi - March 7

#1. Cheating is not a “mistake”. It’s a DECISION. A “mistake” is backing into a mailbox with your car or stepping on someone’s foot. “Oops! I made a mistake! I screwed the pool-boy???” Ummm … No, don’t think so! Doesn’t work that way. Nice try. #2. If one is unhappy in the marriage & they make that CHOICE to cheat, it is not the fault of the betrayed spouse. Only cowards & self-centered a**bags like to place the blame on the victim. It’s not about “letting the spice slip out of the marriage”! It doesn’t matter if there is something lacking in the marriage, or if you don’t tell him he’s handsome, or if you aren’t doing that extra special whatever in the bedroom! None of that c___p justifies an affair. All of that garbage is a pack of excuses & if it isn’t one of the above excuses, the cheater will come up with something else. (Too fat, too thin, b___bs too big, b___bs not big enough, your not blond, you fold the clothes the wrong way, you let the kids stay up too late, dinner wasn’t ready … blah, blah, blah … it’s all BS!) A cheater will do anything in his/her power to place the blame on the betrayed spouse. But wait! Here’s a brilliant idea! If the cheater is unhappy or if “something is missing”, they need to communicate with the spouse, not run off, bang someone else & create MORE PROBLEMS in the marriage, don’t cha think? Two people made vows to each other. Both people are in that same marriage. If one cheats because of one of those lame excuses, then tell me, why didn’t the betrayed spouse also have a “right” to cheat? The act of infidelity belongs to the cheater … never the betrayed spouse. NEVER! (And, FYI, you are not considered a betrayed spouse if you cheated first. That is called, “What goes around, comes around” or KARMA.) #3. If the cheater can’t deal with the “snooping” when the betrayed spouse gets suspicious or better yet, after being caught in an affair, then that is another red flag. (Cheaters hate nothing more than being checked up on.) Those who hide nothing, have nothing to hide. Once the cheater breaks that trust, it is up to the one who cheated to EARN it back. And sometimes it’s just not that easy. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice; somebody’s gone wish they had never met me. ;)



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