He Refuses To Quit Marijuana

40 Replies
babiesarelove - April 24

Hello. I am desperate need of advice. I am pregnant, and my DF has been smoking marijuana since he was 12, daily. He is now 21 years old. Yesterday, he came into the house and he was very high. I took it very personal. He then began about how "marijuana is good for you." My mouth dropped, I couldn't believe that something so stupid could come out of his mouth. I went totally balistic. I told him to leave that he made me sick, and he would need to straighten up when the baby gets here. I don't want my child around someone who HAS to be stoned to do anything. How could I ever trust my child alone with him? NEVER. Today we fought about it again. He said that he regrets me getting pregnant because I am trying to force him to quit- and he never will. He's insisting all I do is blackmail him about marijuana. What am I to do? Is this something that you leave a man for whom is great BESIDES this ONE single HUGE problem??


ataylor724 - April 24

I am so sorry to hear this. My husband has been smoking every day since he was about 12 and his mother smokes everyday and so on and so forth. Fortunately, we are moving in with my father where he wil not be able to smoke and he is ok with it. The big turn around point to him was when the OB told us that if anything was found in the baby when she's born then CPS could take her away from us. Also if something ever happened to her and he was found to be high when it happened then he is guilty of neglect. Or if anything was found in our house the child could be taken away. Now frankly, I don't care if it's true or not, it got him to stop and to do it gladly at that. I feel for you so much because when someone does it for so long it becomes like drinking water to them, pathetic, but true. I agree with you that you should not leave him alone with the baby. Even if he can completely funtion while high it's not worth the risk. I can't say whether or not it's best to leave him, but try to talk to him about some of the legal issues regarding the baby being able to stay with you and see if he changes his mind. If he doesn't it seems to me that he is more concerned about weed than his child in which case you're better off without him. I think perhaps taking this approach instead of saying you just want him to quit might be helpful? I'm not sure though. I hope this made sense... I know it's all garbled and sounds like I'm stoned, but really its just the preggers brain lol :)


stephgts - April 24

Does he have a job? Is he willing not to smoke or keep his smoke at the house? Is he a responsible person? Does he pay his bills on time? If everything else that he does is in a positive light, I would have a problem (personally) with leaving him for marijuana. The ONLY reason I say this is because I know people who smoke and have kids and they're great parents. BUT that doesn't mean he's going to be. I don't smoke and my baby's father doesn't either which I'm really happy about, I got lucky there cause I've usually dated pot heads in the past. It really is your choice what you decide to do. If pot is the center of his life, then NO I wouldn't stay with him. But if it's something he does in recreation I would give it some more thought...but, in the end, I probably wouldn't stay with him either...I dont' know if this helped, sorry!!


Olivene - May 5

He said he refuses to give it up.You just have to decide for yourself if it is a good reason to leave. I don't think having the baby is going to make him do anything. He doesn't seem to see any reason to change. On the other hand you say that he came in high and you took it personally- it seems like it would be expected from him- it certainly isn't a new thing. I know you want the best for your baby, but if this has been going on since he was 12, I'm not sure anything you do will change a darn thing. Imagine your baby's life with him and your baby's life without him- which feels better in your heart?


Ed - May 24

He will either have to stop from his own free will or he will most certainly not stop at all. Find a way to motivate him rather than to force him, sit down and have an adult conversation about this. get outside help if necessary, men at that age can be terribly pigheaded and most are in my personal opinion too young to be responsible fathers. Motivation is the key issue here. It is on your behalf very naive to think that someone who smoked from age 12 is just going to let it go like that, did you honestly not see that coming?


mischelly30 - May 31

I was reading that the father's marijuana use puts infants at increased risk for SIDS, even if the father stopped smoking before the birth of the baby. I don't know if that is helpful, but it at least suggests that being around marijuana is NOT good for the baby...


Taffy - June 10

Toxins from the smoke (both pot and cigarettes) are absorbed into the skin and clothes. If he wants to smoke I would tell him that he needs to change his clothes and shower after every cigarette/joint. The toxins will come out of the clothes and you and the baby will be exposed to them in low but significant amounts. Its known as 3rd hand smoke and is a cause of SIDS. If he's happy to do that you may be able to live with it but I would bet that its too much ha__sle and he might consider giving it up. Hopefully it will be the motivation he needs.


skn331 - June 13

Taffy, where do you get your facts? I could not find one piece of legitimate literature to support your claim of "third hand smoke" Don't go around spreading misinformation as though it were true.


sunshyne9 - June 19

I think alot of people in here are giving advice and not really sure if it's right or not. Now im not saying that some of you are wrong. just not sure everything your saying is right. when I got pregneat with my daughter my b/f was doing cocaine and other substances which I dind't know about till later.. and my daughter came out just fine and still to this day now 6 is beautiful and smart. Needless to say im not wiht him anymore but am pregneat with my 2nd child with the love of my life. He smokes pot at least 4 times at day but im ok with it. It could be totally worse.. hes an amazing dad, brings in the money, is very calm and relaxed and most of the time can't even tell that he has smoked a joint.. I think that if you got wiht him and he was like this.. you might have known that he probably wasn't gonna change.. If he smokes alot maybe he could cut back a little if you really dont' like it alot. He doen'st smoke it in the house does he?? Usually people who have been smoking pot for that long get a tollerance for it and it doens' thit them like someone who doesn't smoke much.. I know I have smoked a couple joints in my life and it totally messes me up. .I dont like it at all.. but to each his own.. Just think of all the bads and goods before you think about leaving.. thats all.. Good luck to you.


venus_in_scorpio - July 3

my DH smokes everyday, but he also works every day, pays his bills and does everything I ask. I know I oculd make him quit and he would because he is such a sweetie but I dont want to take tat away from him. I told him, as long as it doesnt impair your ability to be a father, and as long as the baby and I come first, then I dont care.


venus_in_scorpio - July 3

oh and also I dont EVER want our child knowing he does this until the kid is 18. I dont want it left around the house, or ever done in the house etc.


rhamel - July 3

babiesarelove- I was in this same exact situation with my husband when we found out we were pregnant, he wouldn't give it up he just lied to me about it so I left him, 12 months later our son was 7 months old and we got back together and we got married and he joined the army.... if it werent for having the motivation of not being able to join the army without clean pee he wouldn't have quit but now he would never risk getting kicked out of the army so its an easy choice. You need to tell him that if he has a job that doesn't require UA's and he only smokes at night after baby is asleep then its ok but you need to be able to rely on him for help and if he isn't willing to be there for you to help you raise your child than he isn't worth your time. Venus- good luck in hiding it from child until 18.... my brother found out about our parents when he was 12, my sister found out when she was 13, I (the youngest) found out when I was 14.... basically we all figured it out about the time that our friends introduced it to us. First time that each of us smelled it we were like OMG mom and dad smoke pot!!! My brother and sister didn't care, but I was really hurt that my mom did something like this, now that I'm 19 and realize that she is a responsible adult with a great job and that she only does it late at night before bed it doesn't bother me. I'm just saying that once your kids are old enough to where their friends start trying pot they will figure it out there is no hiding it.


lilmomma88 - July 7

Honestly, I don't believe this is a big deal. Before I got pregnant I smoked everyday, atleast 3-4 times a day. And my boyfriend still smokes...(we just had our son a week and a half ago)...i dont smoke even now that im not pregnant anymore because it makes me paranoid about the baby, but my boyfriend is cool with it. As long as he has been smoking awhile (which obviously 9 years is a long time) and he's used to being high, and he can function while high, there is nothing wrong with smoking!


sunshyne9 - July 20

Kicking him out is kinda harsh.. for someone who has did it for a long time it's kinda hard for them to just stop.. mayb he needs to just stop smoking soo much. but if h'es being good as in working and being grown up about that.. well that's what matters her.. Most pot smokers don't smoke it to get high.. but just to relax and cope with stuff.. I myself are not a pot smoker but know people who are. Everyone has there own judgement on it..


Sunset - August 14

I think itas the things he is saying (ie its good for you, regrets getting her preg) thats the thing, he's not just addicted, he's very selfish and if he stays around the childs going to be brought up round drugs.


Jenn-jenn - August 29

What you need to understand is making demands, however justified they are, will NOT get you what you want. Both my husband and I smoked marijuana daily since we first met (9 years ago). I just recently quit when we decided to try to get pregnant, and we've discussed him quitting before the baby is born, but I'm well aware that I can't make him do anything. All I can do is lay it on the line for him. This is where I stand. Either you're with me or you're not. The way I see it, he has two choices, you and that baby, or the pot. But, don't give him the ultimatum unless you're ready to deal with the choice he makes. Giving up pot is something that he has to want to do, and if he doesn't, then realize how much better off you are without him, becuase this is just the beginning of a life-long power struggle. Good Luck!


Smilefull - September 5

I HAD EXACTLY the same problem. I don't think the problem at the root is marijuana---it's about him being a dad. HE HAS TO DECIDE if he wants to be a dad---and being a dad includes being responsible, and not bringing any negative influences on babe, not risking arrest etc. If he decides marijuana is more important--than honey, it's soooo good that he's out of your life now. SERIOUSLY. You don't want to be sitting at home with a screaming baby pulling your hair out while he's vegged out on the couch, or even worst out for the night. If he decides to be a dad, just like you, there's SACRIFICES. You sacrifice your body to bring this babe into the world, the man can sacrifice a risky, unhealthy addiction. You need to take control of the situation for the sake of your babe--let that mother instinct take over. PROTECT YOUR BABY--BE EMPOWERED, DO THE RIGHT THING--FIGHT FOR YOUR BABE's WELL-BEING. Set up some barriers and rules--no smoking pot is a VERY reasonable request. Discuss with him how you both are going to do that---how you can trust him. Maybe some urine tests so he knows he has to be accountable. IT"S WORTH IT!!!! I PROMISE..IT'S SO HARD, and you don't want to loose him--and being pregnant you want him to be around and help--but he's not going to be ANY help if he's not on board with the babe, or frankly high all the time....YOU HAVE TO MAKE SURE HE DECIDES, not you or the circ_mstance that he wants to be a dad---. My hubby and I are now expecting our second, he's got a great job--we;ve got a beautiful son, and a bright future--but if I didn't pull a line in the sand things wouldn't have turned out as they did. Today he's thankful for my iron hand...email me if you like smilefull at hotmail dot com. hope you're okay sweetie.



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