How Do You Handle Mommy S Humiliation During Pregnancy

246 Replies
Ace - April 6

OK, I need advice from other guys out there that feel as I do. My wife is due within the week, and instead of being excited, all I feel is fear and anger. Fear of what may happen to her, of her being in pain, of how this will turn out. Anger- yeah, this is a tough one. I view any male caregivers as assaulting my wife a violation. I CANNOT view it any other way. I truly believe male ob-gyn docs are committing a crime every day. Its only recently that our cultre began to accept males doing pelvic exams, chilbirth, etc. My wife feels a little less extreme, but even after already having a child from a previous relationship, is humiliated by men being involved. WHAT DO I DO? I am seriously afraid I am going to hurt someone at the hospital, and I cannot get over my very strong belief that it is dead wrong and a violation. Its making me so tense that I cant even concentrate on anything else, I feel like any day now we are waiting on a sanctioned RAPE than what should be a joyous occassion. Apparently, Im the only one that feel like this. Help me.


b - April 7

I'm not a guy so I can't say I understand how you are feeling, but when I have my baby I don't want ANY men in the room besides my husband....I generally prefer a male doctor as I think they are better dr's(I know I am old fashioned) but I think that gynecology and obstetrics is one area that male dr's should not be practicing.


Daisy Jean - April 11

Why can't your wife get a female doctor? If that is impossible, you should be absent during the birth- your violence is not going to make this a positive birth experience. Why do you feel this is rape? It is a consentual exam! It might be awkward, but it is not forced- being forced is the definition of rape. Why do you feel this way? I hope you can get a feamle doc. Or have a homebirth with a midwife?


Daisy Jean - April 11

Hasn't she been being examined all along by a doctor? Does that bother you?


Lynn - April 14

Ace- what you are feeling is actually quite common. Many men fear their wife being in pain or being violated. As for how to deal with it? I couldn't answer that, but you aren't alone.


ralph - April 14

Ace, grow up. the dr isn't hurting her it is the baby coming out. if you went to her check ups with her you would know that he isn't violated her. please quite being a baby and get over it, go punch a wall.


Lily - April 16

Ace, if you're not comfortable with male doctors, perhaps find out about having a midwife or a doula? Or even getting a referral to a female doctor? I think you should be honest with your wife and her doctor about how uncomfortable you are. It might help ease your tensions...I'm not sure why you would be viewing a male caregiver as a__saulting your wife, but I'm not male, perhaps talk with your wife about it. My husband has the same fears, for example. Although he came to be before my most recent exam with his concerns and we talked. We came to the conclusion that we both prefer my exams were conducted by one of my doctor's midwives, and I called my clinic to put that on my appointment schedule. To be honest, it made me more comfortable to be examined by a woman. Your concerns and fears are common, but I'm sure your wife and you will come to a decision about the best course of action, good luck.


Jamie - April 18

My husband attended an appt with me last week, and was very disturbed when my (male) doctor performed a pelvic exam - he too, felt it inappropriate for another man to be "down there" - to ease my husband's discomfort, I had him hold my hand, and basically just chatted with him the whole time - it sort've helped. The doctor also talked the whole time, explaining what he was doing, why he was doing it, and what the indications were - that definately helped reinforce the idea that the doctor was just trying to help me and our baby.


kri - April 21

your wife has a choice if she wantes a male or female doctor...she prob choose a male because they are said to be more concerned with every little cramp and disscomferts because they dont expirence things like that....while a woman doctor would dismiss a strange cramp saying that she has those all the see where im going with this?


whatever - May 24

oh my gosh! get a life!! my husband teases me about the male doc I have... and also about the female nurses!! According to him the male doc is getting a cheap thrill and the female nurses are lesbians. lol. BUT, he is just KIDDING! Normal husbands are understanding! And hopefully most are not perverted-thinking, like my husband. lol. Loosen up, pal. If she wanted to have an affair, she wouldn't do it with the doc right in front of you. AND while she has a baby trying to come out of HER!


Derek, - May 24

ahh it has only beeen in recent times that women have entered the field. which s_x do you think maped out the organs and researched what happens and how? male of course. it is not a__sualt unless he is doing something he shouldnt and believe me after 2 kids i can say this during labour the women does not care who catches the baby as long as its out and the birth pains are over. she will never remember the full experiance (pain and all). so chill dude. sheesh, what counts if your wife feels uncomfortable with it than you go along with her. make your wife happy and think for a bit


John - May 25

Heres an idea...why dont you get a female gynecologist? then you dont have to worry about it...


John - May 25

i think you have some serious anger managment problems here Ace... i can see being worried about her being in pain thats a given..but i think its a little selfish to be bringing up the male dr. .. obviously she has been seeing this dr. for a while or maybe not but either way she picked the dr... its obviously not a problem for her..sounds like you have the problem...i suggest you get some anger management...


Jessica - May 26

my husband and i feel that a man shouldn't be in the room as dr or nurse. So we've actually started drawing up a birth plan to give the hospital and this will definitely be in it....


lynnstress - May 27

Most men feel somewhat like this. My husband too. I told him that over the years, I can't even remember how many different doctors - male and female - have been 'down under'. We moved many times when we first met, and changed jobs and therefore insurance companies and therefore doctors, a lot. Now for the humor portion, an old Ellen DeGeneres stand up bit: I don't understand why a woman would want a male gynecologist. I mean, you would never take your car to a mechanic who has never owned a car, would you? :)


Steph - June 1

You should really stop with the RAPE comment. That is one of the most childish things I have ever read. (*Also, penetration has to be involved in rape*) Anyways, men have been obgyns for much longer than women, and it also used to be that men were basically the only type of doctors around. You seriously need to do some "reaserch" regarding our culture, before you say that it's been just recently that men are now being accepted as obgyns.


old thread - June 24

This thread is soooo old. LOOK the first answer is in APRIL!! And the woman was due within a WEEK!! The baby was born over two months ago! Let it go



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