How Do You Handle Mommy S Humiliation During Pregnancy

246 Replies
MelissaP - July 26

Well....your views are just fine..but I believe they are ridiculous.And it is my perogitive to think so....I am not asking you to change your views, You can go ahead believing in them.....but your bad experiences doesn't make every male doctor a s_x-crazed maniac who only want to look at female parts for pleasure. There are some sickos out there.......But i believe your views are a little extreme. We are all ent_tled to an opinion. And you not agreeing with me does not make me think you are stupid. I just think you have some far-fetched views for todays society.


Aviendha416 - July 27

As long as it's his eyes looking into her v____a and possibly a sterilized, sergically gloved hand near or on her v____a and not his p___s you should not even equait(sp) this to an "a__sault" or "rape". Get yourself a State Penal law and please read up on the s_xual offenses. You sound irrational. The man is a professional who see's women's genetalia 365 days a year in all shapes, sizes and ages. I highly recommend you get some help to deal with your predisposition to violence. Youe wife is having a baby and does not need you un-hinged. You should probably stay away from the birthing room because any a__sault on the doctor will be met with an arrest, possible lawsuit. Is that really how you want to welcome a child into your life? If your wife is comfortable with this doctor you should trust her jusdgement and support her during this exciting and anxious time.


StressedToo - July 27

"Well....your views are just fine..but I believe they are ridiculous." I can live with that, I respect your right to believe in something oposed to my views ,even if I also find them ridiculos. It's your life, your choice to do what's best for you and your partner. "hould not even equait(sp) this to an "a__sault" or "rape"" True, I don't believe it's rape either. "The man is a professional who see's women's genetalia 365 days a year in all shapes, sizes and ages." Which in many doc_mented cases has made no difference to some stupid pervert, this has happened twice to my wife. I agree that NOT all gyns are perverts, but how do you tell the ones that are from the rest? Let me do a preemptive defence and say that NO, I'm not paranoid. I just have had some bad experiences with some perverts who until that point I couldn't diferentiate from the non-perverts. Also, even if the doctor has seen a million female genitalia before, he hasn't seen yours before the first appointment right? If you think the novelity ends at some point I would say that you are right, but there is more than novelity, there is the genetically imprint that exists in all males. As males we are genetically imprinted to protect our mates genitalia, this is very animalistic I know but that doesn't makes it any less true. Also, as males we are genetically imprinted to be aroused by the sight of female genitalia. We have socially evolved and learnd to control many of the genetically imprinted behaviour, but the fact that we control it doesn't mean it's not there.


LilMum - August 4

ok, I think I need some clarification here.. what exactly is this "discussion" about? Bill, stressedtoo, jordan, ect.. someone from that side of the debate, what exactly are you trying to say here? Are you simply stating that you do not want your own wives to see male gyno's?? Or are you actually implying men should not be gyno's at all? So many of you have retracted statements left and right, it's hard to understand exactly what it is you are trying to get across. So PLEASE, for my sake, as simply as you can, PLEASE state what the issue is here?


mandie - August 7

The issue here is that the original post was in APRIL OF 'O5. Why do people insist on answering questions on super old posts??? The baby in question is 16 months old.


apr - August 8

lol-the fact is that it heated everyone up. I wonder why Ace doesnt come on here anymore. Maybe once his baby is old enough to read it'll come on this thread and see what discussion came about just because of him.


VJ - August 9

HAHA thats a good one


navybrat - August 10

i have been watching this forum for a year. typical answers. same as on other forums dealing with this topic. For the ignorant people who think this is a jealousy issue it is not. it comes down to one issue so subtle that most people miss it,is it any wonder we have adivorce rate of over 50%? It comes down to three words. VIOLATION OF INTIMACY. Fact:a man expresses his intimacy on a s_xual level. anyone else who b___ts in is a threat to it. Fact; women express there intimacy emotionally. Ask women how it feels to be emotionally cheated on? . Bet the woman who is emotionally cheated on feels the same feeling ol' ace feels which could easily be interpreted as jealousy,BUT, IS NOT. OB/Gyn exams are a neccesary evilHowever on a primal level even the most ignorant adult would have to agree. A COUPLE"S INTAMACY IS BEING VIOLATED, when a spouse's genitaliais_xposed to the opposite s_x. Whether of a medical nature or not.u can rationalize all day long, its still a fact. And for the men who don't feel like that they are either a liar or truly don't love there wife.<maybe thats why the darn divorce rates so high!!>


DramaQUEEN - August 10

Thoughts never hurt anyone. Worrying about thoughts is being paranoid. People have thoughts all day everyday and there's nothing you can do about it. SO WHAT if some doctor is turned on by your wife, take it as a compliment. ACTIONS hurt people, so don't put her in a situation where she would be. If you don't feel comfortable, go with her! If the doctor won't let you, find a new one. That's grounds for being p__sed off, not because it's a male. Freaking out about other men getting turned on by her = (for most women) you are a control freak. Even if your not, you're coming off as one. FYI unless you are weeks away from having a baby, doctor's rarely touch you with their hand, which is gloved anyway. and what is up with all these jerks on here spewing c___p about 'the sanct_ty of marriage'. What works for one couple almost never works for another couple. Just because it bothers you, doesn't mean it should bother everyone. but there's tonnes on the other side saying it's crazy to be concerned. Well no, that's your job. You are a partner, you look out for one another. but have some trust! not only in your spouse, but in mankind. Not everyone is evil. i have no doubt that male doctor's get arroused by patients to some degree at one point or another. I also have no doubt that the shame, guilt and humility they feel for not being able to overcome basic instinct despite their efforts is just as real. I do believe many carry this guilt like a burden and it eats away at them, is that not punishment enough for their thoughts??


Jenny2 - August 10

Navy Brat, i agree that to some extent, a visit to a male obgyn is a necessary evil. However, yhou statement that a husband who doesn't see it as a violation is either lying or doesn't love his wif e is a stupid generalization and is absolutely not true. My husband watched a male doctor save my life aftre discovering an on verge of rupting ectopic pregnancy, and did everything that needed to be done on an extremely proffesional level. He feels nothing but grat_tude towards him. Does he feel uncomfortable with a man touching me? yes. Does he consider it a violation? absolutely not. he comes with me to my appointmnets to amke sure nothing happens, but he is mature enough to realize that the doctor is also looking out for my health. As drama quenn said, he couldn't care less what the doctor THINKS. As long as he doesn't act on his thoughts. And to make sure of that he comes with me. His primary concern is my health and that i get treated by the best. ThankGod i have a mature husband.


StressedToo - August 10

"As drama quenn said, he couldn't care less what the doctor THINKS. As long as he doesn't act on his thoughts. " The problem here is how to know when they are acting on their thoughts or not. During an examination there will be handling of the genitals (that's the nature of the exam), things could look professional or well handled but in reality they might not be. I mentioned before that I've had some bad experiences close hand. One of them went like this: Gynecologist performs a routine exam on my wife, according to her everything was normal but at the end the doctor says to my wife "You have a terrific body, it was a pleasure examining you, you have beautiful b___sts and a very nice trim". So basically he was acting up on his thoughts, he found her atractive and he was enjoying the whole thing, if he had not been stupid enough to actually say what he was thinking everything would have been mostly unnoticed. I mean really... how can you tell if the b___st exam is routine or if he is actually fonlding you? How can you tell if during a pelvic he is not actually having pleasure... Call me paranoid but what I just wrote sure gives me the right to be very alert and not have much trust. I have many friends on the medical field, all sorts of different medicin specialities, I constantly listen to very degrading stories, I can share a couple if you like.


navybrat - August 10

my wife is even more adamant in her view than I am shes been seeing the same female gyn for years she is gentle and takes her time with my wife. On our second baby the gyn was busy at another hospital delivering. So she couldnt see her. The ob nurses called another gyn, who happened to be a male, he came in, she told him to leave(in the middle of a contraction) and told him if he didn't he was gonna get his tail sued if he touched her. A female ob nurse ended up delivering. Wifes ob came by shortly afterward. Man you wanna talk about a commotion! Imagine docs feelings was hurt, but, I had no part in that it was her decision and i will always support her in whatever. She has only seen females since she got her first exam and has told me that she only continue to. And after what happened in L/D i believe her! So I guess I dont have to worry bout this. One final word to everybody, the secret to dealing with this and any other marital issue is to always put your spouses needs first. We work to do this and after 10 years of marraige we have only grown to have a deeper and richer love because of it. Doing that might cause alot less emotional stress and maybe even cause the divorce rate to drop. Soi guess i'm not that immature after all.


Jenny2 - August 10

Okay- you said the key to a good marriage is to put your spouse first. well, what if SHE really wants to go to a male, and YOU wasnt her to go to a female? who gets the way? Seeing that its HER body she should get her way. of course if she wants a female, then she should see one. Stressedtoo, you have to admit that you are extremely subjective in your judgement of male obgyn's,obviously because you had a bad experience. and so being so emphatically against ALL of them is plain childish. Also, puting your spouse first when it comes to medicine means getting her the best medical attention, not a doctor that makes YOU more comfortable. Once again, if she wanst a female, of course she should, but you should read britney's points above. they were quite straight forward and true. Its really stupid to have a bad experience, and then generalize that everyone in that field is the same way.


StressedToo - August 10

I haven't had ONE bad experience, I had many with different doctors not only OB/GYNs. Not all of the bad experiences have been s_xual in nature, some have been out of incompetence from the doctor's part, stupidity of the hospital staff, etc. So if the mayority of my experiences have been bad it's still childish to not trust the medical field in general? As I said, I'm friends with quite a few guys and gals that are doctors in different specialities, I have first hand experience with the not so professional side of medicine. Subjective? Perhaps but how can I not be? I'm not saying that ALL male gynecologists are perverts, I do say that they are still male, no matter if they are wearing a white coat. Problem is how to tell the perverts from the rest? Say you learn that 2 out of 10 male teachers in your daughter's school is a pedophile, you can't tell who is and who isn't... wouldn't you be worried and extremely careful? She still need an education but you would be very careful.


VJ - August 22

Ok it's clear this is a topic that is charged with emotion and more so for the men who feel the way they feel. The majority of the ladies here find the men subjective whilst they, the ladies consider themselves more objective. So to help understand why it's not a matter of jealousy, not a matter of being a control freak etc I'm going to state the simple truths which will never change, but before I do, please note I have basically made one post prior to this on the forum and I have cast no judgement on anyone here , nor have I called anyone stupid. Now for the simple truths:- (1) No man wants his mate's s_xual parts to be viewed or touched by another man, it's innate with all men. It is normal to feel a Violation of Intimacy, see (2) below. (2) We are basically brought up to regard the s_xual parts as private parts, and indeed they are. When a man is accepted intimately by a woman, he is actually bonding with that lady in the most personal and special way that a man and woman can physically bond, and it is a privelege for that man whether or not he acknowledges it, to so bond, with the woman he loves, ( it is not a conquest). So therefore the bonding creates the exception , ie her private parts and his are priveleges they bestow on each other, but only because of the intimacy involved. (3) Men are innately programmed to be protective of that intimacy/bond/s_xuality (whatever you care to call it) with their mate. (4)All men are s_xually aroused by sight and touch. The more beautiful and s_xy the woman, the more likely the arousal, and the less the likelihood of objectivity. So as long as there are recorded cases of s_xual abuse by male doctors/gynos , no man would ever be truly comfortable with his mate being examined by one, some men would just be more pa__sive about the situation than others. (5)When a woman goes to a male gyno because he is the best in the field,(and yes she is ent_tled to the best medical care available), what, she is saying to her mate is..either..(a).she believes the doctor is the utmost professional and has no s_xual thoughts regarding her,which is giving him God-like status, or (b)she doesnt care wat the doctor thinks as long as she gets proper health care. Both (a) or (b) would be unwelcomed thoughts from her mate(he may very well accept though) (6) If a man finds out that the gyno was actually not objective and was getting s_xual gratification from the examination then it would be normal for that man to lose trust in all male gynos because there is no way he can determine which is the s_xual deviant from the utmost professional. Last but not least, on a personal note I view our physical bonding as intimate and private, and any male becoming involved with her s_xual parts, robs the the relationship of the sacred element. The same holds for myself if I let another woman become involved with my s_xual parts. The thought of another man looking at her like if she was just another piece of machinery being sent in for a routine service or mtnce check is absolutely unflattering, but if it is the male gyno is expected not to be s_xually aroused at any point in time with any patient, then that's exactly how the examination is being conducted. On the other hand if he is s_xually aroused well then that is obviously unwelcomed. The effect is that the sanct_ty/sacred elements are lost.


StressedToo - August 22

I guess you said what I've been trying to say all along but it seems that you are better at explaining things than I am.



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