I M Lost Why Is She Doing This

7 Replies
skinger - February 11

I'm lost. Let me explain my situation. My girlfriend and I have been dating for about seven months. About two months ago we found out that she is pregnant. It was a shock at first, but I am excited and can't wait. Well just a few weeks after she found out she was pregnant. She told me that she needed time to herself to figure things out. Wich I keept her wish and left her alone. Well shortly after that she told me that she was breaking things off with me. It crushed me tottaly because I thought she loved me she always expressed how much she loved me and I to her. I figure it was horemones thats messing with her thought process. Here is the kicker though I have been trying to keep in touch with her to make sure she is ok and doesn't need anything. And so I can keep myself informed on how the pregnancy is going. Well I found out she moved out of her roommates house and moved in with her parents...no biggie I can understand maybe she wants to save some money. But shortly after that I had been texting her on the phone asking how she was doing...and she blew up at me. Told me to stop texting her that she will get ahold of me when she needs to. And that she is now seeing her ex husband...now that just totaly crushed me even more....why would she do that. She is carrying my baby but wants to see her ex husband not even a week after breaking things off with me. Now I know what you all might be asking yourself, am I sure it is my child, well yes I am and she says it is. I asked her closeset friend the one she was rooming with, if she new of anyone els, like her ex that could be the daddy and she said no you are to a 100% certanty the dad. I am so beside myself, I love this woman we were getting very close to each other. I was excited about the baby and let her know that I would be there throught the whole thing. I want to be a great daddy, and do whatever it takes. But just knowing the fact that she is seeing her ex throught this pregnancy instead of me is just killing me day to day inside. The one good positive thing is that she is promosing to let me go to the doctor visit_ts with her we have one on the 13th. I can't wait to see if they give an ultrasound I can't wait to see my baby. I just don't know what to do, I wanted to raise this baby with two loving parents in the same household. That is so hard to find in this day and age, but I want it more than ever. I wish there was something I could say to her to make her understand that i love her and the baby and I want her back in my life sos I can take care of them both. I offered to move her into my place when we found out she was pregnant, but she didn't want to do that. She is texting me on what I will call good days, asking me if I like this name for the baby, and talking about the baby, Then the next day she blows up at me when I think we are finally talking and I call her or text her. I am so lost and hurt I don't know what to do I was hoping there were people on me to give my mind a little peace, by listening to what you all have to say. I just hope she keeps her promise about letting me go with her to the doctors appointment. I don't even know if she is showing. I haven't seen her face in almost two months now, I miss her and just wish she wasn't seeing her ex. I don't want another man rasing my new born son or daughter, that would crush me. I have been waiting for this all my life, and I am not sure I can handle it. Please let me know what you all think, and is there anything I can do for her to show her how much I care. And anything I can do to stop this hurt inside, this is suppost to be a happy time in my life, having a child.. but its beginnning to hurt. Thank you for listening


dyl - February 11

this may sound harsh, but you don't know it's yours. you admit that she went running to her ex less than a week after breaking it off with you, and you sound shocked by that - sure, her ex-roommate says that you're definitely the papa, but people lie all the time (doesn't anyone watch House?). I would highly recommend a paternity test after the baby is born - this may alleviate some of the stress you have, regardless of the results. I would sit back, play it cool - don't smother her - and if she wants you to be part of her and her baby's life, it'll happen. You were dating for 7 months. While it's not unbelievable that you fell in love with her during 7 months of dating, she obviously didn't fall in love with you. sometimes, life hands you an empty bowl. it's up to you whether to fill it with Lucky Charms or fill it with poo.


skinger - February 12

Thanks for the input. I am planning on having a paternity test done. I am sure that the state will require it since they are paying for her medical bills right now. What happens if, and I don't even know if she will let me in the delivery room, don't they ask you as the father to sign papers saying your the father after the child is born? I mean what happens if I refuse to sign the papers and tell them I want a test done. I'm not sure how this all works. I am not even sure she will let me in the room, but if the child is mine and I am going along and beliving that it is mine, thats something I don't want to miss. I mean that is something I would want to share with my child when he/she gets older, telling them about there birth. She is letting me go to the doctors appointment on wendsday. Is there some important things I should ask the doctor about? Also if it is my child in the end...and she does decide to shack up with him, I don't want him around my baby. What are my chances, fighting for custody. What steps should I take to ensure that I look like the better parent than her. I will not have that man raise my child, she told me that he was abusive to her during there marrige, that enough for me to not want him around my baby. Also if I can't get full custody, what are my options on visitation...I don't want this every other weekend and on wendsday c___p...I would like to have the babya at least three to four days in a row. Kids grow up way too quick and I don't want to miss out on my child growing up. She told me today that I could go with her to the doctors appintment as long as I didn't talk about her breaking things off with me. I just told her that I am through with her, why would I want to be with someone who is pregnant with my baby and runs off with another man. Which I have been doing a lot of thinking latley and its the truth. Of course I got no response. Also should I be sending her any money to help out with the pregnancy. And what things should I buy ahead of time for the baby, things I can drop off to her. To me thats what a real man should be doing in my situation, prepairing for the baby. Thanks again for the input can't wait to see who writes what next.


mjvdec01 - February 12

skinger- if you are going to give her money during her pregnancy and after, make sure to make yourself a reciept and have her sign it each month. That way if or when she pet_tions for child support you can show the judge 'good faith' in that you have been paying from the start. This will also look good if you go to court for any type of custody. Also, you should know that as the mother of that child she is ent_tled to name whom ever she wants as the father on the birthcertificate. I would talk to an attorney now and see what you can do to keep her from naming her ex husband the father instead of you. My mother in law named her husband at the time to be my husbands father and he was not. My hubby was 6 months old when they got married and when she and he divorced she didn't get custody of her own child. I really don't want to scare you, I just want you to be as prepared as possible. It is very hard to get a judgement against a biological mother. And it is even harder for a father to get the custody agreement he wants. If you so a search you can find a fathers advocacy group. They are comprised of counselors and attorneys that specialize in helping 'fit ' fathers get fair rights to their children. I think they do pro bono work if you can't pay. Please research your resources and go in to this as informed and advised as possible. You sound like a nice enough guy and I would hate to hear that you got screwed out of your parental rights. If you son't mind me asking, how old are you?


skinger - February 12

Thanks again. I am 27 and the mother to be is 25. She did promise me that she would put me down as the father and give it my last name. I just can't belive I am going through this with my first child. It wasn't suppost to be this way, I don't deserve this at all. I can't belive her parents are going for this whole thing. Her being pregnant with my baby and her going back to her ex. I mean I know they can't control her, but you think they would say something. Anyways thanks for the input so far.


SuperMom - March 17

Ok- if everyone is beating around the bush in you're life giving you advice on this here it is in black and white- Here's the problem...She's only your girlfriend. A woman having a baby is longing for nothing less than family stability- a mother and father to raise the child as a "family". Tell her how you feel, how much youlove her, and want to be a family and do it with a ring in your hand.


COLLEEN084 - April 1

I disagree with Supermom. Your ex no doubtably knows how you feel about her...you offered to live together for crying out loud. I think it is silly for people to marry for the sake of a child when there are obviously so many underlying issues that need to be worked out first. Marriage is not going to solve this, she has no intention of being a civil decent person...not right now at least. Let her have her fling w/ her ex for now but Im sure it won't last. In the meantime, do like the others said and make absolutely sure you take that paternity test.


kalokairi - April 2

shes behaving like this because unfortunately she was never over her exhusband and she only needs you around when hes not. she needs to b__w up at you b/c its much easier to break up when youre mad than it is for her to be a grown up and sit down and talk to you about this. she doesnt want to hurt you but would rather frustrate you to the point where you leave her alone. paternity test is the right thing to do, im glad youre going but DONT ask this chick to marry you...that would be insanity. you only dated her 7 months, obviously long enough to know that shes not all together & wasting money on an engagement ring would not fix that. shes been married before, the 'desire' some women feel to be married for the sake of stability should have been satisified by that experience. good luck to you skinger. you sound like a good guy.



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