Lack Of Male Sex Drive

16 Replies
Kris - December 28

Hi, I am pg with 2nd baby. My DH has ZERO s_x drive. I even had him go to a urologist to see if it was medical. Everything was fine. The dr presumed it was my weight gain and pregnancy. What is hard to accept is the lack of desire. My dh has a "colorful" and "active" past which I have come to accept but now he has no desire for me - his wife. I don't know if he is just wore out now or what. I am so afraid he is going to go out and cheat with some skinny chick. Deep down I know he never would but who could blame him. I am even disqusted when I look in the mirror. Don't get me wrong, we both planned this pregnancy and are very excited but I have decided no more children since this is so hard on our relationship. I cry ALL the time. I know I am hormonal but this is really painful. He is still very affectionate and I know s_x shouldn't mean so much but it is still very hard on the self esteem to not be desired. My last pregnancy I gained 86lbs but lost all but 10 after. I am not even close to gaining that much this time. I am more physically active and healthy eating. My question is honestly what do you men find so repulsive about a women who is caring your child.


Erin - December 28

Hi, first of all have you told your husband how you feel? And also, did this happen with your first pregnancy?


Andie - December 28

hey Kris, I had the same problem with my b/f while I was preggo with our son, only he wasn't affectionate either. i finally threw a screaming, hormonal fit, and asked him what was up. He told me, " I find pregnant women disgusting" OMG it just about killed me. Our son is now 3 months old, and things have gotten better, but I will never get pregnant again. I just can't handle the rejection. Oh, and he had no problems downloading movies of superskinny teenie whores from the p___n sites either.


Erin - December 28

Okay, now I am scared. I am 10 weeks, and my and my husband have not had s_x since we found out. Alot of it had to do with me being SO tired all of the time, and feeling crampy. But now that I realize it has been over a month, I am getting nervous and self concious that it is because I am pregnant, and it is only going to get worse as I get bigger.


mommy716 - December 29

after giving birth to my son who was 10.2 pounds at birth my stomach was pretty ugly, my fiancee wouldn't sleep with me that often, I thought it was because of the way I look, everytime I try to ask him he freaks out so... I dunno!! nothing has changed since I had my son and hes almost 6 months old


Jbear - December 29

My husband wouldn't touch me when I was pregnant with our second child. During the first pregnancy he was all over I was kind of looking forward to that again. Instead he wouldn't even rub my shoulders. He said he got a rash every time we had s_x, so we shouldn't have s_x anymore. I'll be honest, I would never cheat on my husband but I was seriously wishing for other male companionship during my 3rd trimester. Well, anyhow, after our baby was born my husband didn't really change. I was thinking about it, and my husband didn't do any of the stuff he used to, not just s_x, but he didn't do any of the hobbies he used to or talk to our kids at all. So I asked him if he wanted to stay married...he told me he's been really depressed since we found out we were expecting our second baby. She's wonderful, we both love her like crazy, but he was really depressed. I wanted him to go to a doctor for it, but the last few weeks he seems to be getting over it...he actually wants s_x every day, which he hasn't since he was 21...I'm rambling, I know, but maybe your husband is depressed too?


Kris - December 29

Andie - my hubbie wasn't this repulsed for my 1st baby. So I really don't understand. JBear - I understand the "cheating" thoughts. I keep telling him that if the shoe was on the other foot and I was turned off my him, he would go find it somewhere else. I sometimes wonder if is because all the women in his past have been skinny. (and there were alot!! That's the downfall to marrying a blond hair/blue eyed 6'1" man) I don't think he is depressed. He is one of those people who ALWAYS has their "gla__s half full" types. What really hurts is that I worked extra hard not to gain even close to as much weight as I did with my daughter so that I could feel attractive. I know he wouldn't stray, and I know he loves me and our children more that life but it feels like he and I are now more like roommates.


Kris - December 29

Sorry Andie meant to respond to Erin re: 1st pregnancy.


Jbear - December 29

With my husband, it wasn't an appearance issue...I've been plus-sized as long as we've known each other. He just sort of shut himself off in his own little world. It's been really hard to forgive him and go on with things...I was really interested in s_x when I was pregnant, but you know how that changes afterwards...anyhow, I wanted to turn him away like he'd turned me away, but I didn't. I do want to stay married to him, he just hurt my feelings! So I do know how you feel, Kris...


maggie - December 29

My boyfriend and I had not had s_x since we found out i was pregnant, I found out at 6 weeks and up until the 16th week he would barely touch me... he never went to the doctors with me because he had to work so much and i work too.. so he didnt know much about what was going on.. well i made the ultrasound around a time we could both go and he seemed very happy about seeing the baby so i knew at that moment it wasnt the baby causing him to have these feelings i began to think it was me.. finally i asked him one night what the problem was and he told me that he is just so scared he will hurt me or the baby, and that since this was his first child and he had been married to someone who had two miscarriages he didnt want that to happen again, so i made my next appt where he could go and i brought up the subject with her even tho he was embarrased he was also relieved.. and she told us that we could try different positions and we did, so now our love life has been better than it was b4... sometimes a man is just scared even if it is not the first child, even tho they dont show it men can be sensitive and caring


Andie - December 29

Hey JBear your husband and my b/f sound alot alike! Before we found out I was pregnant, he was on me night, day, and middle of the day if he came home for lunch! I have always had a high s_x drive myself, so it never was a problem. Then I started to show, and he just stopped even trying to hold my hand or anything. Like I said, it got a little better, but now we only fool around once a week, usually after we play darts(we're on a league) and he's had a few beers. I have tried talking to him, talking to his best friend(my cousin), talking to him again, and finally I just gave up. I know he isn't stepping out on me, but sometimes(like when the post-preggo hormones hit at AF time) I am sure he's looking. Grrrrr! Sometimes I just need to vent, sorry Kris for taking over your thread!


you are not a snow flake - January 3

It's not always that way. My wife and I haven't had s_x since June 2. The day we found out she was prego. So at least you're not me.


you are not a snow flake - January 3

Oh yeah, and i've begged for it. Prego women turn me on.


K - January 16

This situation sounds a lot like mine, my husband and I have always had a good s_x life, but during both of my pregnancies, he changed s_xually. He didn't want to have s_x very often, and I noticed that when we did, he avoided touching my b___sts and abdomen. He acted like he was afraid of touching me the "wrong" way. I've read that pregnancy often turns men off s_xually, not because their feelings for their partner change, but it's like the woman becomes more like a mother and less like a woman in their eyes. Honestly, I think some men struggle with the idea of being attracted to their pregnant wives because it makes them feel "dirty", maybe even like incest, because a pregnant woman is so obviously a mother, you know?Also, I think it's probably hard for a man to feel "included" where his wife's body is concerned. It's like the body is changing and working all the time, producing a life. Maybe men feel sort of like a third wheel, not really "necessary" anymore. Don't take this the wrong way, but most men tend to have the need to be in control of a situation, and pregnancy is something they cannot control in any way, even if they try. I can see where this would be kind of daunting for them. Just a thought.


MinesofMoria - June 23

Ok. I really didn't want to sign up for a site to express myself, but I feel a male opinion is needed. As a father of my first child, I am experiencing a lack of libido since our daughter's birth. She's three months old now, and I just don't have the same interest. My wife even started using a birth control that allows unprotected s_x and still... not interested. Let me explain. I spend each morning withy baby while my wife works. She's cholicy, constipated, needy and whiney. I deal with this EVERY morning. Then my wife comes home and I have a couple of hours to myself before I go to work. (Which I enjoy more and more by the day.) When I come home I am tired and exhausted and definitely NOT interested in s_x. My whole life is defined by time constraints now, which does not increase my desire for s_x. There is no s_xy, no going out, no dressing up, no time for anything. Ladies, it is hard for your man to be s_xually interested in you when you look like you've been to work all day, you don't wear make-up, you wear all those unflattering, comfortable clothes. It's not s_xy. You want to get the s_x back? Try NOT bringing a wiggling, crying s_x-killer into the bed at night. Get a babysitter to watch the kid and go out. Get drinks, flirt, be kinky. Dress up! We don't watch p___n because we don't love you. It's easier to just take care of ourselves than to go through all the foreplay and work on a time schedule. Porn is a man's outlet for expressing what he wishes his s_x life was like. Babies are frustrating, as you well know. We get stressed out taking care of them just like you do. I had no issues feeling like I was hurting the baby. The site of pregnant women snd maternity turns me on. I'm totally about the physical changes and the swelling b___sts. The bottom line is that constant care takes all the excitement and spontaneaty out of s_x. If your husband helps with the baby also, he's probably more interested in having some free time than s_x. Keep this in mind! We aren't much different, after all. Besides, you have hands also.


smithers61 - June 27

Minesofmoria Have you talk to her about how you are feeling? Its always liberating to speak to someone outside of the situation but communication between spouse is key. My wife and I have struggled many times through out marriage so i now take time encourage new parents. I am sure you are exhausted but remember she is as well. Let her know that s_x may not be on your mind, not by her fault but because of life. You need your space to unwind and be relaxed. Another question you say bring the baby into bed, not bring s_xy/flirtatious are also factors. Have tou given her a reason to do those things? The length of your relationship shouldnt determine the amount of energy you put toward romancing her. Is it hard at moments OF COURSE but non the kess the small things matter to females. You get the sitter, plan a night (either out or even athome) do not ask her what she wants to do, show her you put effort into a night where she the most and only person you want to be with. Put away your phones, laugh and love each. Remind her and yourself of the spark that was there in the beginning I wish you and your spouse many more years! I love my wife more now then I ever have all because she loves me in my most unlovable moments


E457 - August 23




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