My New Wife Tricked Me

61 Replies
thanks - May 20

We have been together for 5 years, married for 2 months. We had never talked about children, even if we wanted to have them at all(we are in out mid 30’s). She took it upon herself to stop taking her birth control shots when we got engaged, about 10 months ago. She missed her period a few weeks ago, and then told me that she might be pregnant. I asked aren’t you on the “shot”, she replied that she stopped taking the “shot” when we got engaged, because she “forgot”. I don’t believe she forgot, she remembered for the previous five years, but right after the engagement she just happens to forgot, BS. We are in the middle getting degrees, and had plans to travel, so both will happen. I feel the she betrayed, lied and tricked me for the past 10 months. It’s not that I didn’t want to have a child after completing school, but I just don’t like the way she went about it, know I don’t know if I can trust her about other things. I was thinking about divorce, but the test came back positive, so now I don’t want to have the child grow up with divorced parents. Should I just let it go? What can I do with out hurting the child? Before she told me everything was going fine


thanks - May 20

sorry, typo - We will not be traveling, and she won't be able to finish school.


SM - May 20

Wow. That's a pretty c___ppy situation. (The tricking part anyways) The two of you totally need to talk about this situation open and honeslty. You need to let her know that you feel deceived, tricked, and lied to. For your wife to do that, is not okay. But, since what is done is done, you need to focus on how the two of you are going to take care of the baby now if you choose to stay with her. Good Luck.


Derek, - May 20

Dont get a divorce, wrong thing to do...


ree - May 23

I agree with SM. This would be a hard situation. Being deceived and lied to about something this important is not good on a marriage. Maybe you should seek counsling if you think it could help you. You seem like a very good man, just very hurt with all rights to be. I feel real bad for you I would never dream of being so careless and just "forgetting to take a shot" for 10 monts without talking to my hubby first. Good luck with your wife and child. Prayers help, and communication. Talk to her and try to work out your feelings.


jennifer - May 26

why do you say she can't finish school? you say you guys are in your 30's, I see no reason why she can't finish school and have this baby too. Quite a few years ago, when I was in highschool, my friend had a baby right after our Junior year ended, and she went on to finish highschool and even go to college. A baby doesn't have to make your life stop dead in it's tracks...and loads of people travel with their would be a great experience for your child to travel, see new places and learn loads of things, before it even starts friend had parents that traveled all the time all throughout her childhood, and she was very smart and cultured...she loved Nepal, as they had traveled there for the first time when she was barely 2, and they would go back often. I would talk things over with your wife, divorce is definately not the answer, but I understand how you'd feel betrayed. Just please don't take this baby as being the end of your plans and dreams, it doesn't have to be that way. Take your baby along on your journey, it'll be a blast!


Happy Step Mom - June 8

My boyfriend went through the same thing with his ex. She went off the pill without telling him and got pregnant. They had talked about kids but he said that he was not ready (since he really didn't LOVE her anymore he was just comfortable with her). She went ahead and did it anyway thinking it would make him stay with her. Not the case. He and I got together before the child was born. She now has nothing to do with her son because she went and did the same thing to another guy. Now she's with this other guy and my BF (baby's dad) and I raise the child (he's almost 2 now) I can't beleive women can be so manipulative. Bringing a child into the world should be a joint desicion, one not to be taken lightly. I would have some serous trust issues with your wife. I'm sorry to hear about the deception but congrats on your new family if you decide to be one.... good luck to you. I hope it all works out for you. :)


CL - June 9

You two have been together for 5 years, got engaged, then married, and NEVER talked about whether or not children were in the picture? It sounds like you need to communicate more with each other and be more upfront. Yes, it was wrong of her to trick you. But these sort of things really should be discussed before you are married. That being said, the two of you are in this together now. Divorce will not solve anything. The child will still be yours, whether you deny it or not. If you and your wife can talk things out and stay married, at least you will be able enjoy your new family together. Your child will love you for bringing them along on your travels and will always remember those memories as he or she gets older. Also, maybe this baby will help your relationship by finally breaking down this wall between you and your wife. It sounds like you and your wife are both very smart and educated. You will work through this. I wish you the best of luck. And congratulations!


Hi - September 19

I think your wife loves you enough to want to have your child. You should really be happy as a child is a god's gift. Look after your wife and the baby because when the baby comes alone, you would not want to spend a second away. Hope all the best and try to keep your family together.


jckid - September 25

I wouldn't jump right to divorce, but there are some serious problems afoot here. Since you are already married I would start with some counseling to see if you two can at least get all your cards on the table. I agree that lying about it was a nasty thing to do, but you can absolutely finish school. It's a bit trickier with a little one, but not impossible. My parents had me and my older brother when they graduated and they did great in college. Likewise, my spouse and I have an almost 4 year old son and are trying for a second and we are both in college. Just bear in mind that a baby is not the end of the world. At this point, I'd be more concerned about the way it came to be in the first place. Just try to be as calm as possible so you can make a decision that is well thought out when you get there. Prayers for you and you family.


Keith, dad of 2 - September 25

A lot of men put too much trust in women. If there was a male birth control pill how many women would trust men who said "don't worry Im on the pill" ? Not many I bet. Yet men are excpected to take a womens word. on face value.Because you state "stop taking her birth control SHOTS"I am a__suming she was on "Depo Provera" (DMPA) Depo Provera is given intravenously (I.V.) about every 3 months . From what you write the time lines are all about right. Once DMPA is stopped the woman's regular menstrual cycles usually return 3-10 months after the last injection. Pregnancy can happen any time after the return of cycle. typically pregnancy will generally occur within 12-18 months after discontinuing DMPA injections.Given your lady the benifit of error, forgeting the date of her DMPA injection is possible but over shooting the mark by 7 mths well I find that hard to believe. And if she suddenly remembered what was the reason to stop all together? (DMPA is effective within 24hours given at the right of her menstrual cycles) And what about your rights?? what was wrong with "hi honey I forgot to get my shot" Unfortunatly it is now all about the child who is 'course blamless. For the childs sake it maybe best to grin and bear it.if you can see yourself to forget and forgive, if you love her despite of her lying ways. This is your call. Children are a blessing my 2nd was a result of "oh I forgot the pill" but I wouldn't change it for the world. You may find if you work on the relationship and fatherhood it maybe just the thing foryou both. But if it turns out to be a bad relationship it may do all 3 of you harm. Cheers and all the best Keith


to donald.... - September 27

How funny... you confirmed for me what I tell my 15 year old daughter - Boys will trick you to get in your pants, then blame you for it, and if you get pregnant you are stuck with the baby - the boy may have to pay child support (which doesn't come close to covering costs), but it's the girl who has to care for the child while the boy is free to move on to the next on his list, all the time believing it's all the girls fault. I had my daughter read your post so she could see for herself that the boy and (in your case) his family see themselves as blameless... apparently not recognizing IT TAKES TWO.


to donuld - September 27

You teach your son about girls, but young men do talk the girls into getting into their pants, if you are allowing your 16 year old child to have s_x, that is a chance your taking, you talk your talk, but your son will have someone pregnent in no time, it is ignorant men like you that end up with the mud in your face!!


O-o - October 9

You weren't tricked, you never talked about it. If you never talked about it , then that leaves a lot of room for interpretation.


Karlise - October 28

I think the fact that you never discussed kids is odd. That's a pretty big decision and most people have definite feelings about not wanting them or really wanting them a lot Anyway, that's water under the bridge. Now it looks like you're getting ready to be a parent, so buckle up. It's not an easy ride. I would suggest marriage counseling so that the two of you can learn to communicate better. Obviously, the two of you a__sumed a lot about the other. Now trust has broken down. Don't let this fester. You have every right to feel angry -- but you can still fix your marriage. You need to both be honest with each other and be able to express your feelings about the current situation. She should understand that lying is intolerable. Maybe she grew up seeing adults lie to each other to get what they wanted? People justify a lot of behaviors if that's what they grew up with. Talk to her seriously and have a discussion about what kind of relationship/marriage you both want to have. You will both be making great changes in your lifestyle when the child comes. The stress can be huge! Try to work on your communication and trust issues BEFORE the baby arrives. Good luck


Better you than me - October 28

Wow, that sucks. What a rotten, terrible person she is. You guys need to get into counseling ASAP because after the baby comes life's going to get very, very difficult. She's got issues, what a shame you didn't see them before she tricked you.


Nathalie - October 28

You should give her an ultimatum. Tell her that you will divorce her unless she gets an abortion. Having a baby you don't want will make you resent both the baby and your wife and it will ruin your life. Also it was silly to get married without discussing kids first, but it's too late to do anything about that.



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