No Emotions With New Dad Help Please

6 Replies
Aud1441 - June 20

I recently got married. It was one of the biggest events in my life. I was 4 months pregnant at the time of the wedding. My husband was so excited to finally be married. We went out and got everything we needed. After the wedding I started planning for the birth of our new baby girl ( October 10th 2006 is the due date) He doesnt ever want to look at baby clothes, I point out something that would be great to have in her room and he doesnt show any emotions. He claims his "cute meter" is off and he doesnt know what exactly to think about girl stuff... But any boy clothes or boy names, or boy stuff he is desperate to talk about. it makes me feel neglected for having a baby girl! I wanted to give him a baby boy so bad because that was his dream and wish but when we found out it was a girl I became overly excited! I think its great! Is there a way to get him more excited for the birth of his first baby??? this is the first grand baby on both sides of the family too. I have concerns about his side of the family because they smoke and are not responsible grandparents. My husband gets upset when I tell him I dont want them to smoke around the baby or babysit without me around. We have SIDS on both sides of our family and I am going to take every step that needs to be done to prevent anything from triggering SIDS. How do I come off as a strong parent, but make him understand how grateful and precious a little life can be? Is there something I am doing wrong to make him have no emotions about my pregnancy? He barely even touches my belly. It almost makes me feel unattractive, but I cant blame everything on him. I need advice. Please help...


Olivene - June 21

That's a tough situation. I don't think there is much you can do about his feelings. I'm sure he will come around when he meets her. I do think he's being a little selfish, but you can't fix it, unfortunatley. I am so with you. No smokers will be keeping my baby, either. I don't think you are wrong aout any of this. I think you are going to have wait him out about the wanting a boy thing- maybe talk to him about what he thinks the differences are. There isn't much you can do with a boy that you can't do with a girl. About the smoking and irresponsible grandparents, put your foot down and keep it there. Good luck. I hope he warms up soon. Try not to take it personally.


snugglybugglys - June 22

My husband was like that with my first pregnancy. We were engaged to get married in April, and ended up preparing for a baby in April instead. :) Anyway, he wanted a boy...he swore the baby was a was his "gut instinct, and he just knew" although I really did know. I had dreams and blah blah blah. Anyway, at our 20 week US we found out yes we were having a girl. And I was sooo excited....a little girl! I couldn't wait. I was the same way...I would point out cute girl clothes....and things like that. He didn't touch my tummy a whole lot like I had always imagined. But when his little girl was born....oh my gosh....he fell in love. And now she is his little princess. Now I am prego with baby #5...and this time he thinks it's a girl, and couldn't be happier. Some men just aren't as into the actually takes holding his little angle after she's born. As for the smoking...I agree 100%. My MIL smokes too...and I find it disgusting. I don't feel like dieing from lung cancer...and especially not my children. My husband agrees on that...but we don't agree on her not watching them. I wouldn't trust them with something so precious. I know I'm not much help, but just kind of wanted you to know I know how you feel. I hope you guys can come to an agreement on your in laws...and I'm sure he will come around with your princess. Good luck! :)


snugglybugglys - June 23

Sorry I'm a stalker lol...I just wanted to add something about dad's not interested in pregnancy. My husband is still not as into my pregnancy as I would think. I think it's kind of don't want to do the baking, they just want to eat the cookies. Does that make sense or am I just rambling now? Anyway that was just one more think I thought of after I posted.


apr - July 11

I am sure everyting will turn out alright. My husband and I have a loving relationship, and our pregnancy was totally planned, and yes, I have a boy!!!! But he is not the type to mind if it is a girl. On the other hand, I get much more excited about things then he does. Snugglybugglys is right: Men want to eat the cookies and leave the baking up to us. I am 37 weeks pregnant and although he has been so supportive all the way, he still lacks excitement. And I know hes gonna be a great dad because u should see him with kids, but I just think thats mens nature. They want to see the real thing and also they dont feel what we preggies feel: the baby moving around etc. even if they see it from the outside they still dont FEEL. Am I making sense?? Hope so Good luck


LollyM - July 16

My husband shows similar reactions to the girly baby stuff I show him. Our baby girl is due august 6th or any day now. When I first got pregnant he imagined it being a boy and became really excited and didn't seem as much so when he found out it was a girl. I asked him one time why he doesn't seem happy about our baby sometimes and the told me that it is not that he is unhappy, but he is scared sometimes because he is going to be the father of a little girl. He explained to me that it is really difficult because he feels so protective and always wants to look out for her and when he feels her move through my belly it makes him nervous because he just thinks about how soon she will be born and then she will just keep getting older and he will have to face the challenges of being father to a daughter which in a sense may be more difficult than being the father of a son because he feels like he needs to protect a girl more than a boy. It's not that he doesn't look forward to being a father because he does more than anything else, he is just nervous. Men worry about becoming parents in different ways than women do. They want to be the best providers they can and feel badly if they don't make as much money as they would like and things like that. The best advice I can offer you is to talk to him about it. Just ask him why he doesn't touch your belly more or if he feels nervous about your baby's birth or that she is a girl and you guys can share your worries with each other and comfort each other and maybe even do some bonding about that. The grandparent situation... I wouldn't let them around the baby if they are going to smoke around her either. Just explain to them directly that there is to be no smoking around the baby because you are concerned about her health and smoking DOES greatly increase the risk of sids. Don't feel shy about telling them that. Maybe they don't even know. give them the facts and if they respect your wanting to protect your child's health by not smoking around her than great, otherwise to bad for them. Don't let your baby's life be in danger because you don't want to be rude to people, always be honest when it comes to health and safety it is more important than anything else. good luck with this tough pair of situations. I will check back again if you want to post more. I hope you and your baby are well. Lauren


steph-in-saint-pete-beach - July 18

Same here, I hope when she gets here the ice will melt.



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