Paternal Rights Victoria AUSTRALIA

11 Replies
Jeff - November 3

Hi there the rest of my story is under "paternity woes" but i added a new thread because i was just wondering if anyone knows any "paternal rights" that i have and what are reasonable requests for me to make. the lawyer told me i have to make a list of what i want from my ex... but i dont know what i am ENTITLED to ask for. can anyone help? i am asking to have an equal roll in decision making. that she can not move the baby overseas or interstate without my permissoin, that she agrees not to alientate myself or my gf to our baby. and that she contact ME only not my family (she rocked up on their door step without notice last week and they werent home and is now tryin to get me done for "child abuse" or "neglect" saying i left my daughter locked out in 30 degree heat... I DONT EVEN LIVE THERE!!!) but yeh.. are there any other things that i am ent_tled to ask for involving my little girl? keeping in mind that atm she is only 4mths old. i understand it would be unreasonable to ask for overnigh stays etc as she is being br___t fed. thank you all.


karine - November 3

You can still ask for some overnight stays..she can pump the milk in a bottle. i woudnt see anything wrong with that. she needs to be with her father too. You should ask for 2-3weekends a month with your daughter. I hope everythign is better for you. Iam 22..and i cant imagine having to fight for my daughter as much as you have. i have 2 kdis and another one on the way. i dont know what makes her do all those things, but she is certainly not thinking of hey of this beautiful baby girl, she is thinking of herselfe and her needs. How is your GF taking the situation now?? did she falll in love with the baby?


Jennifer - November 3

After reading (and re-reading) your previous posts and updates... here's what I think. You have the court saying she's unstable before she had the baby, you have (I a__sume) records of all the stuff she's put you through. I don't know about Australia, but in the states, you could sue for partial or even full custody, based on the fact that she was stated to be unstable by the courts. It sounds like you have more interest in the welfare of your daughter than she does. She's harra__sed you and caused mental anguish (sounds corny i know), and frankly sounds like she was just out to get your money. You need to take that b**** to court now. I know she's being b___stfed, but there are organizations where nursing mothers pump for other familys who can't nurse their children. Above all, don't let this woman walk all over you. I really hope you didn't sign those papers signing away your rights to make decisions about your daughter. Until you do that, since she's already forced you to prove paternity, if she leaves the country you can file with missing children and say that she kidnapped your child. Whatever you do, make sure it's pro-active, and not done after the fact, or it will be harder.


Jeff - November 3

My gf, hasnt fallen in love with the baby for the pure fact that NEITHER of us have even seen her, we saw one picture that was sent to us by a friend of the mother. and it was when she was 1day old. other than that we havnt been able to see her at all. the biggest problem in all this is that atm my details arent on the birth certificate as we were not even sure if the baby was mine. and as i said in the other post i didnt even know when she was born they tried to hide that she was born early. and her mother is the biggest problem i feel. she is the one who is sending the lawyers after me etc. its a HUGE mess, but i am definitely NOT signing over my rights. i work 6 days a week, from 10am - between 1-4am! so my gf has been researching EVERYTHINg for me and finding out what i am ent_tled to and she has sent a letter to the babys mum. had a bit of a break thru yesterday when my gf phoned her (the mum is actually scared of my gf altho she is not harsh to her at all. she was explaining to her wat i wanted and was a lot calmer then i ever could have been) the mother has agreed to try and sort this out thru mediation. but i can not trust her word she has gone back on it so many times so only time will tell. thankyou for ur advice. i will let you knoww how things pan out!


Jennifer - November 4

Thinking about your situation overnight, I am curious as to why she hounded you for so long, and then all of a sudden wants you to sign away your rights, when she could have avoided you all together and not had to deal with any father of the baby at all. Why this sudden change of heart on her part? She seems really weird to me.


Jeff to Jennifer - November 6

i do not know what is going on in this girls head. first of all she was so keen to make sure i was involved, then all of a sudden went to huge lengths so i wasnt. and is trying to make me sign that thing, and now. she has been calling my gf and emailing her saying that i have to "step up" and that she will drive the baby around every sunday now, and keeps sayin how she wants the baby to meet my parents while SHE is there cos its her daughter but is banning my gf from being there. fair enough like it is her daughter, but when i have visits she will NOT be with me. my gf will be. i just dont know what to think tho cos she changes her mind every 2 seconds. i cant trust her reactions to anything. i see the lawyer this wednesday tho so hopefully things will prgress a bit.


Jennifer - November 8

Jeff... if I were you I'd keep track of every thing this girl is doing.. keep records of phone calls, e-mails, etc. and have your gf do the same. She sounds very unstable, and you should take pre-emptive measures to protect yourself, in case she turns Really ugly. Or rather, uglier than she's already acting.


Jeff - November 9

hi there, i updated with the developments in the other post but here: Things were getting a little on track. My current GF contacted the Ex for me and they were talking fine (i cant because of work, and im a bumbling mess when it comes to talking to her! i get so angry) Anyway we were working out what was to happen. and 2 days later out of the blue she has sent abusive messages to my gf callin her a "whore" and to f off so "our family" can get back together and all this other out there stuff. So i have come to a very sad decision for me, but it is the best i can think of. I do not want our little girl growing up around the fights, so at this point in time i am going to not see her. We are getting a court ordered agreement stating she makes all the decisions, and the baby lives with her, but she is not to contact me or my family except thru email, and that i get unsupervised visitations after she turns 3. I didnt want to chose this but i think it be best for the baby if she is not around us fighting, and we cant NOT fight. She just treats everyone like dirt and i cant let her walk all over people i care about like that. i am setting up a trust fund for my daughter and i will be sending her letters and cards etc. But for now, i feel this is the best thing we can do,. And hopefully it wont be too long before she shapes up and realises she has to mature! Thankyou all for your advice and support, i will update if anything else happens, which im sure it wil because we have to get the court order sent out to sign. And i wouldnt be surprised if she tries to change conditions between now n then!.... Jennifer my girlfriend has been doing exactly that since day one that she started with her lies, she has every sms, phone call, email and chat log recorded all in a folder! the folder is huge!! We have everything ,and if she keeps abusing my gf as she did the other day, then we will be sueing her for harra__sment! i am NOT putting up with her B/s anymore. i have tried to cooperate and be nice but she slams it back in ur face.


saddened - November 11

what a really sad ending for somebody who seems so genuine and loving, u desever so much more jeff


Jeff - November 18

Well.. quick update... the ex HAS changed the conditions before it was made official.. she refuses to sign, she disagrees with ALL my orders and keeps asking me to go to mediation with her to work on our "realtionship" as she really thinks we could get back together and make a good go of it... there is no chance watsoever of this happening. I am in love with the girl i am with and have no feelings for my ex whatsoever (apart from extrememe frustration now) she has sent more abusive msgs to my girl but denies them face to face. i will let you know what happens when it happens.thanks for all the kind words and advice.


stacy - January 4

hey jeff its been alsmot 2 months are u still around? hows things going?


Jeff - January 10

Hi stacy, thanks for asking. not alot has changed, she has agreed to most of the orders now, but is refusing to sign as she doesnt agree to me having unsupervised visits when she turns 3. the lawyers have said i could take her to court and have unsupervised visits as of now, but i dont want to go through the ourts an and i thought it would make her more comfortable if she or her mother were there while she is so young. I still have not seen a photo, and my decision about not seeing her yet has stuck, as i am not doing anything until all those orders are signed and all the boundaries are set. My ex is still sending myself and my current partner abusive emails etc, and the last one i got said that i had to "pull ur finger out of ur arse" and that she wasnt going to sign anything until i get professional family portraits done with her and the baby!!! which i feel is a totally rediculous request! anyway, thats about all. the orders have been floating around for a good 2-3 months now and so has the abuse. thanks for checking in.



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