Am I Being A Prude

25 Replies
Kathryn - November 24

Well yesterday we had Thanksgiving at my house for my husband's family. I had a feeling before everyone came that my brother in law and sister in law was going to anouce that they were pregnant. I was right. They are due in June. My problem is now they want to use my materinty cloths and baby items. I don't want them to use my stuff. I had to buy it myself and I feel they should do the same. I want to have another baby and want it to be in good condition for when I need it again. Now everyone is mad at me. And another thing that is bothering me is that my mother in law said I hold my son too much and I'm causing him to be delayed in development. This too has really hurt me. I work full time so when I'm home, yes, I do hold him and love on him. It was just a bad day I guess.


Shelly - November 24

I think it is your stuff and you shoud decide what you want to do with them.In laws can be a real pain in the .... and I don't think you have to excuse yourself if you want to hold your baby a lot.You are the mommy and you know whats best.I know it is hard but try to forget about it.Happy thanksgiving BTW.


Jamie - November 24

Is your son developmentally delayed? If not, you can politely tell your MIL that she had her chance to raise her kids, and it's your turn now. As far as your baby things - they are yours and you don't have to share them if you don't want to. On the other hand, your reasoning of "I had to buy my things myself, so they should have to, too" is kind've...petty. But, wanting to maintain the condition is perfectly reasonable.


Kathryn - November 24

I'm not sure if he's developmentally delayed. He's my first and we see his doctor next week. He does have trouble with his neck and his head falls to the left. That is causing him to fall over so he can't sit without support. I don't just hold him. I put him on the floor and play with him while he has a little tummy time. I'm now really worried that they are right but I don't think it's caused from me holding him. I might add that he is six months old today. HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!


Amaya's mommy aka Stephanie - November 24

Tell them you are planning on having more children and not sure when and yoiu would hate for them to be using something and you ask for it back, offer to throw fer a shower.


Mommy - November 24

Oh no oh no oh no. My mom did the same thing to me and my oldest brother! I bought his old stuff because "he needed the money" and I was pregnant already. Well, we spent $100 on a bed that his 2 year old broke. And 50 on a swing his 2 year old broke. Now that they have a son, they want all my 6 month olds stuff for free because "they need it and don't have the money." Me and my hubby didn't either and ended up spending over 300 for another (new) swing and baby bed. Now they want those for free. NO NO NO. I know how it feels and I guarentee it sucks. If you do it and end up pregnant again you will be buying double and then they will expect you to give and give and give. I know this from experience. P.S. They have money to buy illegal pills with and get cigarettes which is why I'm so mad. Not saying your family does that but once you start letting people guilt trip you into giving away stuff you may need later they will want you to do it all the time.


Kathryn - November 24

Thanks gals. I thought that if I started letting them use my maternity cloths it would just be an endless cycle. I'm just really attached to my maternity cloths because it brings back such wonderful memories. I'm not really sure on how I will ever get rid of it. I think I'm going to make a quilt with it when I'm done. What do you think?


Jamie - November 25

I think that is a beautiful idea - and THAT is what you should tell your in-laws! Also, offer to do the same with your SIL's clothes when she is done, so that she is a bit more encouraged to find/buy clothes that meansomething to her as well.


Lesley - November 25

Tell your in-laws to go to charity shops if she can't afford things brand new. I don't like it when people just expect hand-downs and aren't willing to help themselves. If people can't afford stuff they should go without like most of us do. Why have a baby if you can't afford to buy the essentials. It seems daft to me. Kathryn, my daughter wouldn't sit without support untill she was about 9 month old. At the same time she started crawling too. Just ignore your mother-in-lasw evil comments. How can cuddling your baby cause problems! Grrr I hate interfering in-laws


TC - November 25

Hey Kathryn, I am in a similar situation. My MIL has been eyeballing my baby's clothes so that she could send them in a barrel back to her home country. However, as much as I would like to help, my teenage brother is having a baby and I want to give SOME of my clothes to him. I am not giving away any of my baby furniture or all of my baby clothes to him bc I plan on having more kids. I told my MIL that and I know she got an att_tude, but, that is just an emotion and it will pa__s. Just be tactful when telling why you don't want to give it to them. As far as your MIL saying that your baby is delayed. Don't you dare worry. Our mothers and mils all have their own opinions on how we should raise our children and something I think we need to be toughskinned about the CRAP that comes out of their mouths. I will, however, if I was have a talk with her just explaining how she hurt your feelings.


Rachael mommy2lucas - November 25

Stick to your guns, it is your stuff! You should not automatically be expected to hand over your stuff. It may not come back in good condition, or at all even. I think you are doing the right thing. As far as your son goes, holding your baby is a wonderful thing, whether or not he is delayed is something you and your doctor will discuss, you are a great mom, do not let her sway you!!!


momma - November 25

maybe you could give her a few things, or take her shopping for maternity and baby stuff. she could get some off of ebay and if you throw her a baby shower she will get most of what she needs if there is a once upon a child near you they have maternity cloths for a great price and it is in really good shape. they also have great prices on baby and kid stuff too there is nothing wrong with buying maternity and baby cloths 2nd hand (especally if she wants all of your things) those types of cloths dont tend to get wore out becouse of the little thay are worn


mira - November 26

Kathryn, I think your child should be able to support it's neck by now. Speak to your doctor!!


ally - November 26

I tend to disagree, i think if everyone in this world wasn't prepared to share some things with people it would be a sad place. I understand your maternity clothes are special but i am sure you could part with maybe the baby bath which they are in for only a few weeks, ba__sinett as they are also not in it very long. I know if i was pregnant i would surely appreciate my sister in law offering me even a little something as opposed to nothing. You don't have to give away maternity clothes but even an item that u can do without for a few weeks, months would be so appreciated by her. Saying you had to buy it yourself and you feel they should do the same, i guess it comes across kinda mean knowing that your stuff will be sitting stored at your house while they could use at least one or 2 items. I don't wanna be bashed for my opinion cause everyone sees things differently but i was estatic when someone offered me something thru my pregnancy. I know again you want your stuff in good condition but as i said one or two items lent for a short period of time won't come back trashed as you need to at least let them know you do plan on having more kids. I just believe in treating others like u would like to be treated and you may wonder how you may feel if the situation was reversed, maybe it comes down to being brought up differently, i dont know.. but for eg i would gladly lend my baby stuff to someone, things that i would be happy to part with but again that is me...


To Kathryn - November 26

I think it would be impossible to hold onto baby too much and I don't think it is fair with how you were treated at all even concerning the maternity clothes and they all need a good kick in the behind , Unfortunately they are probably right about lending them the maternity clothes . This would be the first time that I have ever heard of someone not lending out their maternity clothes but if this would be the case maybe see if you can get away with only lending them a few articals of clothing .


my experience - November 27

While pregnant, two of my friends lent me their maternity clothes. I bought some of my own too. My closet was full of maternity clothes, I wore each of them only once or twice. After giving birth, I washed their clothes and returned them, still looking no different than when I got them. I told them when they're pregnant again, I will lend them MY clothes to them in return. It strengtened our friendship and I had a great maternity wardrobe.


lisa - November 27

personally I think they are rude to ask, I would wait till I was offered, baby things have emotional attatchment too, your being totally reasonable, just say what you said to us, about the condition etc, as for holding your son too much, that just sounds like typical mother in law stuff, we were laughing at our b___stfeeding group, the midwife said she was thinking of writting a book on all the comments made to mothers by their mother in laws!!! milk not being good enough, not let them cry, make them cry on own, just stick to what you believe.



You must log in to reply.

Are you New to the forum? Sign Up Here! Already a member? Please login below.

Forgot your password?
Need Help?
New to the forum?

Sign Up Here!

Already a member?
Please login below.

Forgot your password?
Need Help?