Antoher Daycare Question

10 Replies
mcbanes_angel - July 12

my husband is all for daycare, becuase he was in one his entire childhood. I, on the other hand, was with my parents all the time, and my mom was a subst_tute preschool teacher,so i was able to go to preschool with her on days she worked. I have heard both bad and good stories about daycare, especially from my mom, who has worked at them for ages. I do not feel right putting my child into daycare as a newborn. It will not give me time to bond with her, and i would love more than anything to be a stay at home mom, even work from home but i dont have a college education yet. in a few years i will, but not now. We are moving in a few weeks, and i will be too far away from both sets of grandparents for anyone to take care of her. I do not know what I am going to do, becuase I know we need the money so I need to go to work, but I will be a nervous wreck all the time knowning my child is with strangers all day and around other babies. Any suggestions?


hello - July 13

Who told u the bad stories? My opinion as i used to work in them also, childcare is cruel..... Babies inparticular are put under a frame or toy and attended too when they cry for their needs to be met. They dont really get much attention, staff dont have the time to be honest.... You have to hope older babies dont bite your baby, hit them etc... I am referring to full time care as being cruel, one to two days per week is not so bad cause it can be fun for a child. I worked at some and i would go in to work and a child would be there and i would be going home and they would still be there...... I dont want to scare you but if it must be done then really look around, you must feel right about the place and staff, look at the other kids, are they having fun? Are staff interacting with them at all ? That sorta thing... I dont believe its beneficial for a baby to be in care, it all happens in the first year and u dont wanna miss it.... I know people dont have a choice sometimes so i dont want to get bashed for this reply, just my personal opinion having worked in one, . I tried to get my daughter into one i worked at one day per week for her to socialise and for me to get a break but because its that good the waiting list is very long. Good luck and try to talk to your partner and see if you guys can hold off a bit.....Do what some others have done that i have read about, care for a couple of children in your home for some pocket money then u dont have to leave your baby... good luck


Narcissus - July 13

If your motherly instinct tells you the right thing to do is to stay home with him for the 1st year or so, then downsize financially to make that happen. Only keep one car, carpool, sell stuff you don't need on eBay, get a smaller house, and refinance your bills in general. We did all of those things and it made it possible for me to stay home with my son. It's not forever and being broke feels less awful than knowing a stranger is alone with your child all day. Good luck with this and push for what you feel is right for your child, not what is right for your finances. You can always bounce back from debt but you won't be able to get that 1st year back with your child.


AprilMum - July 13

I second Narcissus - and would like to add, you'll be saving a huge chunk 'o money not going to daycare, because any daycare that's going to be worth a d__n, usually costs a fortune.


Narcissus - July 13

I think that children deserve only the best and that means either spending the day with mom or dad, or a very close family member who loves the child. A loving caretaker is a understatedly important in my mind. It sounds kind of weird the way I put it but I couldn't imagine my son spending even one hour with somebody that was not totally invested, love-wise, in my son. I know that having only one car sounds like an impossibilty but it was much easier than I imagined it would be. It just takes a bit of planning to coordinate each week's plans but in the end, it was worth it. We still only have one car but I am applying for a full time job now and we will get another car in a few months. We have gone into some debt but I know that within one year, we will reduce it to zero. We basically needed to accept that it's okay to go into debt for the sake of something so meaningful and important & like I said, it's only temporary.


SonyaM - July 13

I agree with Narcisus but if that's not an option for you perhaps you could get a job at a preschool and that way you could have your baby with you. I have found that church day cares tend to be a little better (just my experience) but not all of them. You really have to check them out. Maybe another solution would be to keep a couple of other kids in your home. This way you ca be with your daughter but make some extra money too. Good luck.


Angela in California - July 13

I think daycare can be great if it's a good place. You really have to research though and spend a lot of time there watching how the caregivers interact with the babies. It's great because your child learns from an early age how to interact and relate with other babies. But as a newborn (the first 4 months at least) there is no question in my mind that the best place for a baby is with his/her mom (and dad too!). That is critical bonding time and when they learn to trust you and really develop that symbiotic relationship. Some moms unfortunately don't have a choice and because they have to go back to work must put their child in daycare sooner. If you can manage staying at home in the beginning, do it! But dont' be afraid of daycare as your baby gets older - it's stimulating for them in a way that just being with mom cannot be.


Narcissus - July 13

If you are a good mother, you should be able to surpa__s daycare as far as stimulation goes. If daycare has you beat, that's unfortunate. You can find playgroups for infant-infant interaction and those should be free.


Angela in California - July 13

Narcissus - My point was that interacting with other babies is a DIFFERENT kind of stimulation that you can't provide your baby if you are home alone with him/her all day. I said "don't be afraid of daycare as your child gets older" a__suming you have to work! Child care of any kind is not "good" or "bad" it all depends on the type of care and who is providing it. To say that daycare is bad is ignorant. It's only bad if you shop around based on price and don't do the proper research to find out what type of care your child will be receiving. For working mothers like me (and I'm single, so I'm sorry but staying home all day is simply not an option) I think daycare is a better option than a nanny who will probably ignore your child most of the day and just go through the motions (I see nannies in my neighborhood out for walks with their charges and they couldn't look less interested when the child is trying to point out a squirrel or otherwise engage them). At least at daycare a baby has more than one caregiver and other babies to play with. The place my son goes to is fabulous. True it costs more than my rent, but that's because they hire wonderful and highly experienced people most of whom have advanced degrees in child development, and they have great facilities. I feel much better knowing he's there than if he were home alone all day with a nanny


mcbanes_angel - July 13

thank you all very much. as far as the down-sizing , thats is literally impossible, becuase when my husband and i got married becuase i was pregnant, we had to downsize. we are living with his parents, drive an old car, and only spend money on groceries and bills and what small amount of maternity clothes i can afford. thats it. now, we are being told to move out of his parents house, and we are moving into a good priced apartment, but that would add more expenses. we have no other choice but to move becuase we are no longer welcome in his parents home. the suggestions for a nanny or caring for children myself are wonderful. i will talk to my husband, and hopefully he wont be so stubborn.


Narcissus - July 14

Angela, I agree that their are definitely circ_mstances when daycare is better than being home with mom, or a nanny. I never said anything was all or nothing. One circ_mstance where I know that daycare is a no brainer is for single moms and dads who don't have family close by to help. I am not sitting here in judgement over daycare in any way. I simply wanted to say that infant-infant interaction is not a sole reason to put a child in daycare (you never said it was, I know..) unless your child has disabilites and it is part of the baby's therapy. A mom can expose her child to other children without daycare and my personal opinion is that is a better option for a loving, two-parent home where one parent can concievably stay home for any length of time. I was not drawing any conclusions about any one situation here so I apologize if I came off that way. Anyhoo, I think it's great that you found what sounds to be an awesome daycare. They are getting harder and harder to find and the prices are insane these days. How much does your facility charge in Cali? I bet it's an arm & a leg. I would be cautious about any place that was not pricey bc I do believe you get what you pay for. Again, sorry for sounding like I was judging you or the other moms who use daycare bc honestly, I did not mean to come off that way.



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