Anybody Else Extremely Paranoid

21 Replies
EricaG - January 29

This post is inspired by the post "absolutely disgusting". Am I totally wierd about this subject or are other moms this way? I'm so scared of my daughter (6 months) getting s_xually abused by anyone. I keep a very close eye even on people who I know very well. Because my own father was abusive (not s_xually) and so was my step father I have a hard time trusting men. I keep a very close eye on people handling my daughter. It bothers me when people (mostly men) let her stand on their genital areas (even though they're full clothed) when they're sitting and let her jump up and down on them, or other things of that nature. I don't like it when people watch her getting a diaper change, especially my husbands 12 year old brother. He seems to watch a little too intently for my liking. Even with my husband, even though he's the gentlest, kindest, most trustworthy person I know, I get paranoid. If he's alone in a room with her and I hear her start to cry and it doesn't stop within a few second, I sneak in to make sure she's ok. If I ask him to change her diaper while I'm doing something in another room, then five minutes later I come out and he's still changing her diaper. I say "what's taking you so long" and he says sometihng along the lines of "I had to flip the laundry first" I'm still suspicious. I just hear so many cases of children being molested that I want to be extra careful watchful. Does anybody else feel this way? My brother often says I'm overprotective but I feel like I'm just doing my job as a mother...

 

eliz24 - January 29

I can kind of relate to you...I have a 9 month old daughter. I'm paranoid too,not with my husgand though. With any other male friends and relatives I always make sure that either me or my husband are there,or one of her grandma's. I don't think that there's anything wrong with being protective about that sort of thing. It seems like whenever you do hear of a child being molested it's always by "a good friend of the family" or something like that.

 

Rabbits07 - January 29

I think that's a normal motherly concern in this day and age. You hear so much about it now and it is a horrible problem in our society. Given that you have a trust issue anyways since your own father and stepfather were abusive (even if it wasn't s_xually) you may find that some counseling would help alleviate some of that anxiety that you feel. Don't get me wrong...I'm not saying you are wrong in your concerns, just that you can be concerned and cautious without having that anxiety along with it. As far as people watching her get her diaper changed...there is nothing wrong with asking for some privacy or excusing yourself to another room. I don't think a 12-yo boy really needs to be seeing a little girls private areas anyways. Not saying that he would do anything, but that is an age where they are getting curious and I think I would just keep things more private. I will also add that you should always trust your instincts. I have never shared this on here, but I see so much about this subject popping up on here lately. My dh and I had been married for a few years when I started getting suspicious of my dh's father. Just little things that I seen and heard from him that I didn't think was quite right. It got to the point that I refused to go to their house any longer, even for holidays. If I came to our house while dh was gone I would lock the doors and hide in a bedroom closet with the kids. I will also mention that besides suspecting him of trying things with the kids he had gotten to where he was trying things on me as well when he thought dh wasn't looking....hence, the reason I was hiding in closets with my kids. It created a huge riff in mine and dh's marriage because he just couldn't believe that his dad was capable of that. Of course, his dad put on a whole different act when dh was around. Anyway, I ended up overhearing a couple of my children one night talking about what dh's father had done in the past. I could have died right there on the spot. Thankfully, I had started suspecting him and kept them away from him so it hadn't continued. (at that point and time that I overheard this it had been about a year since I had let my kids have any contact with him). By some freak coincidence, or whatever you want to call it, my niece overheard three of her six siblings talking about the very same thing. Unfortunately, for them it was still an ongoing thing and had escalated to much worse than one could ever imagine. It tore our family apart. I had warned my sil's about my suspicions and they hadn't taken heed. Then things came out after that that made me think that one of my sil's had known he was like that all along. It was a horrid ugly mess. The children were hurt worse than anyone though. Anyways, dh's father is now in prison. His total concurrent sentence ended up being 17 years and this past Nov. made 5 years that he has served. He is almost 70 years old so he will most likely die in prison. Anyway, point is that you have to trust your instincts. Yes, there may be times that you are suspicious or cautious of something totally innocent, but better safe than sorry.

 

Shea - January 29

I'm paranoid, but not of s_xual abuse, of my ds being abducted. I even worry that someone will break into our house at night to steal him. Stories like those two boys that were abducted by that man, the one for 4 yrs, just make me freak out worse. Or like that baby that was abducted by the woman who saw the "new baby" sign from the highway and went to the house and asked to use the phone. There are just so many sick, crazy people out there it's no wonder we are paranoid!

 

ash2 - January 29

You are not alone. I always get paranoid that someone is going to kidnapp my babies. I can totally see where you are coming from with the s_xual part too. Is there anyway you could contact someone to talk too? Maybe a counsler to ease your fears? I would tell your older son to definanly stay out while you change the diaper. There is no reason whatsoever he needs to be in there.

 

EricaG - January 29

Thank you so much ladies, I don't know why it's this certain thing that I'm so hung up on. When my dad and ex-step mom got divorced she accused him of all kinds of things, one being s_xually abusing me. I had to go to a doctor and he checked for any kind of trauma and none was found. I was very young so I don't remember any of this and I don't remember ever being molested. I have a "worrier" personality which I am trying to work on with a counselor. I'll be sure to bring this up at my next appointment which happens to be tomorrow. eliz24, That's what I always think is that most of the time it's someone you know really well... Rabbits07, I'm so sorry that happened. It must have been so hard on ev erybody. You were so smart to follow your instincts and I'm glad that you spared your children any further troubles. Shea, That story about the woman who abducted the newborn baby made me sick. For some reason it especially bothered me because Abby and that baby were born about the sam time and they both were named Abby. IT was just like "That could have so easily been us!" ash2, he's actually my husband's little brother, so Abby's uncle. I will definately demand more privacy for now on when it comes to changing her diaper and giving her baths. You're right, there's no need for him to be there hanging over my shoulder .

 

piratesmermaid - January 29

Yep, paranoid about the same thing here; my grandfather was s_xually abusive to my uncles and dad (absolutely sick). But it's like Rabbits said, too, in this da and age, parents have to at the least be aware of this problem because it is so disgustingly common.

 

sahmof3 - January 29

I am also very leary around people with my kids. We have some neighbors that moved in last year and I keep a very close eye on them (especially the husband/father of the family) because the first introduction to them was the father and 6yo son riding bikes in our driveway. They were making circles on their bikes in our driveway and even riding into our garage (attached to our house). Mind you, we did not even so much as know their names at this point. Very creepy!!! My kids were in the backyard with my dh working in the garden (well, my baby was in the house w/ me). I went out back and made him come out front and introduce himself and talk to this guy... just to let him know that someone was seeing him in our driveway. So he did. I mean the guy comes off as nice, but I'm extremely leary... I mean there he was in our driveway and it's pretty obvious from our garage that we have kids (bikes, trikes, rollerblades, etc.)! Normal people just don't do that kind of thing I don't think. I haven't banned them from riding in our driveway (which they still do when the weather's nice) b/c I have to see the mom every day at the busstop and don't want to make things awkward, but I don't let my kids out there alone, mainly because of him.

 

SuzieQ - January 29

Wow - I thought I was the only one! I'm not worried about my dh at all, but s_xual abuse has occurred in my family, so I always feel a bit on guard with some people. On a personal note, EricaG, you may want to really talk to your counselor about this because it sounds like it's making you question your trust with your husband and daughter, which can be really unhealthy for your daughter when she gets older. I don't mean that in any negative way, just a suggestion.

 

piratesmermaid - January 29

That is really creepy, sahmof3. I think my hubby would ask them to ride in their own driveway, regardless of if I have to deal with the mom or not.

 

sahmof3 - January 29

Well, I am trying to find a way to tell them because now I actually have a concrete situation to use to ask them not to ride in our driveway (more than just my leariness of her dh). A few weeks ago we were getting ready to leave for church and their son was riding in our driveway (the dad was watching, but was up the street a little way with the daughter)... anyway, the son went behind our van and wouldn't move! I kept telling him that he needed to move because we had to leave, but he wouldn't. My dh was in the house because he'd had to run back in for something, and he came out and got a really stern tone of voice and told the kid to go to his dad. He listened to him. I've been putting off talking to the mom because it's too cold to be out and I haven't had to worry about it, but I need to now. Geez, it would be nice if ppl had some ounce of common sense so the rest of us don't have to confront them with the obvious lol.

 

piratesmermaid - January 29

Oh goodness, that is awful, with the son behind your van!! I totally say talk to the parents and get those people off your property! Also, you might want to put a "no trespa__sing" sign up, as a visual aid that you're not kidding! I want to put one up in my yard, just to be on the safe side, and the fact that I'm a bit territorial. *sheepish look*

 

Rabbits07 - January 29

sahmof3, I would use the --bike behind the van and refusing to move--thing to my advantage if I were you. I would talk to the parents and explain there are concerns that one day you may not realize that he is back there and accidentally run over him so you prefer that he not ride in your driveway....that way it looks like you really care if you run over him without saying "you people weird me out!"

 

Rabbits07 - January 29

okay, clarification: I know you actually DO care if you run over him....lol...I meant to them it would seem only that your concern was hurting him and not that they give you the heebie-jeebies.

 

lindsay - January 29

i a__sume that all strangers want to hurt my daughter AND son. i am of the belief system "guilty until proven innocent" when it comes to my kids. i will do everything in my power to never let anyone even get close enough to them to hurt them (i'm talking people outside the family i don't know or trust.) i have already had some discussions with carter about people touching him or making him feel funny, etc, and how he HAS to tell me, no matter what the other person says they'll do. i PRAY he'll never be in that situation, but if he is, i pray he'll tell me right away. . there are so many sickos out there..i can't even watch the news half of the time because it makes me so sick to hear of crimes committed against children. i won't even read the "absolutely disgusting" thread because i read the first line and had had enough! when i hear of horrible things dealing with children, i have such a hard time shaking them from my consciousness. i swear if i ever found out someone hurt my kids and knew who it was i'd probably be one of those parents who lose it , buy a gun on a street corner, and shoot the b___d point blank right between the eyes...sorry so wound up, even thinking of the horrid possiblilties makes my blood boil!

 

sahmof3 - January 29

Rabbits... you crack me up LOL. That is a good idea, though, for a tactful way to handle it... and yes, I do care and don't want to run him over lol, but I do have a mean streak because when he was back there I was thinking, "This kid is a little schmuck." *blush*

 

sahmof3 - January 29

Back to Erica's thread... sorry Erica! I have had my kids at the grocery store and felt like some men were looking at them a little too long and too attentively and I just wanted to punch them... that was my gut rxn to their stares... and I don't ignore gut feelings! I really believe they were creeps. I'm like you Lindsay.. to me they were guilty right then and there!

 

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