Babies And Their Dads Issues

19 Replies
Heidi - November 17

Does anyone else feel like strangling their other halfs? Ever since my daughter was born I feel like it's just me taking care of her. Granted when she first came home he helped change her and stuff but since I'm br___tfeeding there's not much he can do. After she was a week old he started his second seasonal job 2nd shift so he's never home and I was okay with that cus it's good money and it's only for a couple months but now it's slowing down and he's home more at night and if she starts to cry he like panics and gives her back to me and it p___ses me off cus he has a 7 year old from a previous marriage and he brags how he took care of her as an infant while his wife was in college. WHATEVER!!!! So last night I say I'm going to the gym and to call if she fusses for him. I was gone ten minutes and he calls cus she's screaming her lungs out. She's 5 wks old. I get home and she's half asleep and he thinks she knew I was gone and I said that's impossible, she's 5 wks old! I just get discouraged thinking it's all up to me to take care of her and if I ever want to get away for a few hours, it's not gonna happen cus he can't seem to settle her down like I can or he gets panicky. Is this normal or am I just blowing it out of proportion? I sometimes pump a bottle and he feeds her but when she's full and starts to cry he hands her off to me like I have some magical powers to make her stop! I try to tell him that if she cries she's either hungry, soiled, or gassy and she's been gassy since the day we brought her home and sometimes gets pretty cranky and frustrated and I can't blame her but it doesn't last more than 1/2 hour. I know a lot of guys shy away from infants but give me a break! Am I the only mom on here with this issue? Or should I just accept it and wait till she's a bit older to rely on him to care for her more?


T. - November 17

I think he's just scared to handle her by himself. My hubby's great about watching our baby. She's an easy baby though. He doesn't change her, feed her, or give her a bath regularly, but he does if I ask him to. Like if I need to take a shower, or run up to the store, he'll watch her for me. I just think your husband just needs to warm up to your baby and I'm sure in time he'll be more comfortable with her. I would say, instead of getting upset with him when he gives her back to you if she's crying, I'd show him how you make her stop crying, that way he can learn how to as well. I don't know, I haven't had to go through this, so I don't know where you're coming from, but good luck and I hope he gets better for you! =)


Heidi - November 17

He's good about changing her if I ask or whatnot and if she's not fussing I can run and go to the store if I need to or whatnot but when she's really crying is another issue we'll have to work on I guess. But as far as caring for her when I'm home he does fine. Just when I leave and she starts crying is the issue.


d - November 17

My husband is the same way. He has no patience when he cries. He can't stand to hear him cry because he feels very sad for him and panicks because (although like what you said about the reason why the baby might be crying) but at that moment he can't think he just panicks and feels the child will be faster relieved by his mom so he quickly pa__ses him to me. At other times I think its just laziness. For example if he wakes up and wants to be held. He calls me instead to go get him. I think its just the way some men are brought up. The whole idea that child bearing and childrearing is just natural for females to take care of. We were born to do it, while the males responsibilty is to go work for pay. A tradition that may have worked well in the past but today women work too. When I was sick once he finally got to change a diaper, get the bottles ready and many other things in the house. Now if I really need his help and ask for it, I can't complain he will help. But the panicking thing, it still continues. He''ll play with him, when he cries he'll walk around to calm him down but if it continues he''l look at me for help.


-m - November 17

I have the same problem Heidi. My husband helped out when we first came home from the hosptial but after about a week it was all me. Our daughter is 3 1/2 months old now and he'll watch her if I ask him to but he acts like it's an inconvenience to him. If I want to get out for a few hours to go shopping or something, he wants me to wait until she takes a nap. I've talked to him about it a couple times and he always says that he'll start doing more, but he never does unless I ask. Now I feel like I'm nagging him whenever I ask for a little help. I'm worried that my daughter is going to get to attached to just me and scream whenever I leave her with her dad for a few hours. I guess I just don't understand why he doesn't want to spend more time with her. He says that when she gets a little older he'll be a lot more involved but right now he says he's just not that good with babies. I guess I'll just keep working on him. Heidi, I just wanted to let you know that you're not alone.


Lesley - November 17

The only thing my partner won't do is bath baby.


Amaya's mommy aka Stephanie - November 17

Same here leslie. Amaya's dad will not give her a bath but will do any and everything else! He is so good!


Shelly - November 17

To make a long story short I just think men are lazy and it's so much easier (in their mind) if the mother does everything!!!!


d - November 17

I think some men like to get pampered and know the child will get the same kind of treatment from the mom. If you say anything then you look like your nagging. If anything I just want him to also establish a bond with him. He says that when he gets older then he'll definetly take him and and do things but for now, he thinks I do a better job for the infant stage. Oh you should see how he reacts to a poo. He can't breath and walks away. I can handle it more than I can for adult's finishing and creating danger odour zones in the washroom. Even preschool children can have worse foul poo's than babies.


Shannon - November 17

i know what you mean too!!! i was thinking of posting a similar topic, as a matter of fact. i know my husband adores our little girl but heaven forbid he watch her or stays in the same room while she's being fussy and one of his (many) favorite TV shows are on. It's like he can only take care of her when commercials are on. this really p__ses me off, because i take care of the baby all day long and i deserve a little break! and he panics when she starts being fussy too and tries to pa__s her off, but the funny thing is that she's way more fussy with me than him!!! she quiets right down when he takes her from me and just stares at him. it's so not fair, i'm the mommy! oh, and he expects me to want to do all the errands i had no problem doing before the baby was born. some of these can be a real nightmare because i hate going, say, to the grocery store and she wakes up while there and starts screaming. i can't pick her up while pushing the cart around! *sigh* i know she's gonna be a daddy's girl already, too, because he's a big kid himself. anyway, good luck getting your husband more involved. are you going back to work? i am part-time, which means he'll have to watch her occaionally in the evening (when she's the most fussy). a little, evil part of me is gleefully anticipating how he's gonna handle that. hehe


Julie - November 17

Join the club. My hubby leaves for work at 7 and doesn't get home some nights until 7 and also travels on occastion. He has nooo patience. I also have a 3 year old. What on earth does he think I do all day? Cook, clean, bills, bath, laundry not to mention take my 3 year old to and from school and terrible weather! He comes home and I want some relief but instead he makes it harder and makes it more work!!!! My 5 week old is very crabby and my husband acts like he would rather be somewhere else than helping me. He gives me the excuse "I work hard for this family and I had a rough day". My response is alwasys this: "Even if you didn't have a family you would still have to work". Give me a break!


Dawn -JUST ALIKE!!!! - November 17

Once again heidi we seem to be in the same boat. Before it was the baby feeding thru the night and changing diaper makes you wide awake. Now its the dh. He is the only one working. I understand BUT he just spends about 15min a day with the lil guy. If he cries, it is an automatic GO TO YOUR MOMMY!!!!! Plus he is a big hunter so needless to say I will not get anything out of him until spring. On the weekends he goes hunting in am instead of spending a few hrs with the lil guy. I told him that he was going to end up callign MY DADDY his da da because my dad comes everyday or I go out to moms house everyday and spend a few hours. Maybe once he grows out of the infant stage he will be different


Mommy - November 17

That really sucks. I'm in the same boat. My hubby doesn't really do anything but play with the boys. I do all the cooking, cleaning, changing, chasing, feeding, bathing, you name it. He lets me stay home though so I guess I owe it to him. He said and I quote "I will do more with them when they are potty trained and they can talk to me." Ick! It's so hard isn't it? But I just go by the fact that he makes all the money (that I spend, hehe) so I can do the "primarily female" domestic stuff. I give it about 2 more years. Sigh.


lisa - November 17

my husbands the same and has gone out drinking tonight, i told him when he left that if he comes back drunk, his things wil be put outside the door and it will be bye bye never see him again, he did this al through pregnancy im not having him drunk in the house with a 2 week old, the only reason im with him is for money, im at the end of my patience with him


d - November 17

Its really not hard to take care of a baby. When the baby cries you just have to check just a few areas. Is he/she hungry/have gas and needs to burp/needs to change/sleep. I remember having arguements with my husband sometimes as to which one I should be checking. Not everyone is perfect in reading the baby. As long as you try and rule out all the possibilites eventually you'll find the right one. Funny how he was telling me what to do sometimes. That shows he is thinking and would be very capable but just prefers the mother do most of it.


Ashley - November 18

my son would never go to his father either when he was first born, he was still used to my heartbeat so he felt secure with me!! maybe thats all that it is


Rachael mommy2lucas - November 19

Hubby and I went thru some issues with baby just being born too. Ours has colic and is very difficult. I am luckier than some. Dh is always willing and tries so much to help me and to take care of Lucas. I would get upset with him more because he was not doing things as good or as fast as me, and I hate hearing the baby cry. Poor guy tries so hard. He picks him up from sitters every day and has him for about 2 hrs before I get home from work, so he has had to learn how to take care of him. He gets frustrated because he tries so hard to calm him down, but as soon as I take him, he stops crying. So I can see where he is coming from. But I am lucky, he is a great dad. I think it will be easier as the baby gets older and more mobile and is less dependent on mommy.



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