Discipline To Spank Or Not To Spank

34 Replies
Annoyed - October 14

Okay, since the thread about dressing a baby got overrun with people arguing whether or not a child should be spanked, here. Argue away.


karine - October 14

I dont beleive in holding a child to spank, or to use objects. But i do beleive that sometimes a (a swap on the hand of a toddler is the only way to get their attention) And it should't be anything hard, to leave red marks or bruises. But as they grow into preschooler's i beleive that other measures should be used for discipline. Like taking fav.toy, tv, parties that were organized (like b-days) or no friends to visit at home, no shopping with mom, stuff like that. And that even if its a swap, you should never "swap" a child that isnt yours.


Lissi - October 14

This is going to be a problem for me, because I don't believe spanking is an effective way to discipline a child, but my husband does. I'm hoping a firm "No!" when she does things wrong and plenty of praise and attention when she does things right, will be enough to set her in the right direction. I guess I'll just have to wait and see, but I think any kind of violence towards a child, will only teach them that violence is ok sometimes. That can't be good. I also remember how betrayed and unloved my parents made me feel, when they spanked me. I don't ever want Nadya to think we don't love her.


Bonnie - October 14

It is not considered illegal to spank your child. I just thought I would clarify this as I have done some work for social services. It is not "recommended" to spank your children, but in the end it up to each particular parent to decide whether or not to spank. There is a huge difference between spanking a child and beating a child and believe me, social workers are well trained to recognise the difference. When you call social services on someone, make sure it is for the right reasons (but do call if you think there is abuse). My own household runs somewhere in the middle. We will spank, but only on very VERY rare occasions (probably happens about once every year or two). I think if you spank a child too much it will stop doing any good. Just my opinion though. It's up to each parent to judge in the end.


Narcissus - October 14

I think there is a more effective way to discipline children to do what is expected of them. Research has repeatedly shown that providing explanations along with non-invasive punishment practices will enhance the child's development over a variety of parameters, some being social, cognitive... I intend to use time-outs, diversion tactics, and privilege removal but the method I use will depend on Aja's age and development. It's imprtant to remember that when dealing with infants and toddlers, impulse control does not exist. They have almost none, so a diversion tactic is the parent's responsibility and not the child's responsibility to refrain from touching off limit things.


monica - October 14

first i would rather not spank....i was spanked by my parents with a belt...but it never made me feel like was not loved. i have a very close family and love my parents to death. i have spanked my son over his diaper with my hand a few times but it has hurt me more than him.it has not happened in a long time he is turning 5 soon so there will be no spanking at all. after the ae of 5 you need to dicispline them in different way.


BBK ® © - October 14

Not sure of how effective it is, and if it is, do you want to be teaching your kid that the way to resolve things is violence? I think the best discipline is cosequence driven. You do something bad, there will be loss.... like your favorite toys will be donated, never to be seen again.


MMM - October 14

Okay this is definately one of those subjects that maybe should not even be brought up. However I too am going to comment LOL. My daughter is 4 and I have spanked heronly a few times. It really is not even a spanking more of an attention getter. She doesnt cry she just straightens up. We will be in Target (which I took her into the bathroom 1 time to swat her for her behavior) and I will just look at her now sometimes I dont have to say anything other times I will say do WE need to go to the bathroom?!?! She staightens ups. Now that she knows what it is it is all about the "look" Kinda like what my mom gave me when I was growing up. Now if you were to spank with a lot of force or you are continually spanking then yes I have a problem with it. I think that slapping a hand is more tacky looking then a quick swat to the a__s. That is my personal opinion.


My opinion - October 14

I am a pretty firm believer in not spanking but I feel that there are certain times when it is completly in order....for instance, my daughter was three years old and I was with her outside of our home. She was helping me garden and walked across the lawn to get a toy (I was watching her the entire time) and she proceeded to pa__s her toy and attempt to run into the road. I spanked her hard and I meant it, and I don't feel bad about it. After I spanked her and she stopped crying, I explained to her why I did that and what could have happened to her if a car would have driven by. Needless to say, my daughter has never run into the road again, nor set foot off the sidewalk. I only spank, like I said in certain situations. I do not agree with spanking a child every time they do something wrong, what's the point? I myself am a great fan of the corner!!


nelly - October 14

I dont like spanking and I would rather say No very sternly and even use timeouts and take away privledges. She is 5 and I know your wondering what kind of privlidges but she has a lot she gets to go somewhere every weeked and gets a 5 dollar allowance for minding and picking up her toys when she draggs a bunch out. But sometimes I have to spank bc she resorts to hitting and piching and talking back very disrespectfully and even snarled one time and sticks her tongue out. I dont hold her down or give several licks just one and usually that will get her attention when she is that bad. I hardly ever spank though. She is getting so much better. One reason she was so bad is her grandparents do not correct her properly and things got out of hand.


lynn to nelly - October 14

You spank to teach her not to hit? am I missing something?


nelly - October 14

Lynn, she turns around and slaps in the face I dont hit her I spank her bottom.


lynn - October 14

hitting is the same as spanking. you will do what you want but i had to wonder why anyone would hit to teach a kid not to hit.


N - October 14

I have to agree with many of the parents here.. spanking is a last resort and should be used only as such. In my experience a time out or loss of privilages is very effective for alot of children, but not always for toddlers with limited communication and understanding. As someone else here mentioned impulse control does not exist for most toddlers and no matter how many times you tell them not to touch the stove they will keep trying doing it until they get hurt. I much rather my son have a tap on the bum then 3rd degree burns (mind you he's only had a smack on the bum twice). Same goes for biting. I am sorry, I know someone out there will get right mad at what I am about to say, but it's true.. When my son was about 18months old he walked up to me and bit me.. just out of curiosity I am sure.. but he looked up at me afterwards and saw the look of shock in my face while i rubbed my arm saying "ouch" he started to laugh like this was a fun game. I firmly said "NO that was MEAN and mommy is HURT, no biting!" well he leaned over with his mouth wide open like he was going to do it again. So I bit him back. Not hard, like he had bit me (i had a circular bruise) but his eyes opened very wide and he whispered 'ouch hurts' and I told him, "that's how you made mommy feel. Not nice is it? Mommy doesn't like it. No more biting." he shook his head and gave me a hug.. he has never bitten anyone ever again. While they are young they are testing boundries but have not mastered their communication skills. You can take away a toy, but you still have to give them something to keep them busy and out of trouble but then they won't even remember about the toy, nevermind WHY it was taken away. I don't believe "spankings" should be used regularly, or if they are old enough to speak and understand clearly.. but it is our jobs as parents to teach children that certain things are harmful to themselves or others and distraction postpones the problem and time outs teach about consiquences, but neither really teachs empathy or caution.


lynn - October 14

i agree that it would mean more to her if you took her favorite toy away for a month. she would learn from that. kids become more defiant when they are hit. nobody likes to be swatted no matter what the age. its demeaning.


lynn - October 14

so if they have no impulse control then why would they learn from hitting? our job as parents is to protect them from harm when they have no control. if the stoves hot and is a danger why is the kid in the kitchen? perhaps moms and dads should be swatting themeselves instead of the kids?


nelly - October 14

Lynn,Well Spaking is a last resort and that is the only time it happens. You make it sound like I beat her which is irrelevant. She is a happy child I SPANK AT THE LAST RESORT AND NOT HARD. I do everything and anything for her she always say mommy your my best friend. I do not hurt her she does not even cry it grabs her attention just like some other parents on here have said.



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