For Those Of You Against CRYING IT OUT

36 Replies
ry - February 14

What do you do? How do you get your los to sleep? I am so exhausted and have so much to do and lately my dd just does not want to go to sleep! If you dont let your lo's cry it out, what do you do?


ashtynsmom - February 14

My dd is one, and still does not sleep thru the night. She goes to bed at 8pm, and wakes around 12. I go in and sleep on her floor for a few hrs, until she wakes up again, and then we both go get in bed with dh. She is such a restless sleeper we cannot co-sleep all night. She takes the WHOLE bed!! I dont' know what to do either, but we cannot CIO. She makes her self sick, puking all over her crib and just gets so worked up... I cannot do it. Maybe if I would have done it at a younger age, but she is old enough now she KNOWS mom is just on the other side of that door... I am exhausted, too. I work full time, and it is hard to get up most days.... I am just hoping that one day she will "outgrow" this, and sleep!!! Keep your fingers crossed for me, huh?!


Rans - February 14

The trick to putting my dd to bed without crying is to make sure she has enough sleep during the day. If she naps well (I really encourage regular naps) she sleeps well at night. At night I lay with her on the bed in her room, we read a couple books, then I turn out the bedside light and give her a bottle, after the bottle I put her in her crib, with her fisher price crib aquarium music on and turn out the night light, turn on the monitor and close the door. She very rarely (knock on wood) fusses at all and is usually asleep by the time the music is finished. However if she has not slept enough during the day I find it difficult to put her to bed at night, she does fuss a bit and I will go in every 5 mins or so and rea__sure her. If she is really crying I will pick her up and lay on the bed with her till she calms down, then we do the crib thing again. I am not a fan of CIO myself. She has been sleeping (the majority of nights) since about 3 months. My dh hates that I lay with her and he refuses to do it, so her and I have our own "routine" down pat. I figure if it works why mess with it?


ry - February 14

Thanks for your feedback! I am so confused because sometimes she goes to bed perfectly (and has up to this point at 10.5 months) so I never had to let her cio before but it seems the more I lay with her and take her out of the crib, the more hysterical she gets. I am at a loss as to what is the best thing to do!


Erynn21 - February 14

I don't personally think CIO is the best, but whatever works for one person's family can be terrible for another, that said, we co-sleep. I never thought I would co-sleep and then certain circ_mstances created this, which is honestly great in my opinion. My dd would freak out if we were to CIO, and I don't want that for her, also my dh would NEVER hear of it he would freak out even more. I do what some would call attachment parenting, meaning my dd is attached to me, she is good at sleeping on her own, I nurse her and she goes down for naps, I just lay her down. At night when we sleep I nurse her and we all fall asleep together. Actually she falls asleep in my dh or my arms and we generally hold her or lay her down next to one of us. I'm sure there are people who think what i am doing is wrong. Do I care? Not really, this is my child and this is what works for us. If we didn't co-sleep none of us would ever sleep and yes it may cause a problem down the road I am aware of that, but for now this is what works best. There are many opponents of CIO you can research the info, and see what other options there are out there, I just think for my own sake that I want my dd to feel like her needs are being taken into consideration, and after what happened w/ your dd I can see why you are reconsidering the situation. Take care.


LollyM - February 14

I didn't want to use cio either, but once dd was 5 months old and had object permanence, we had to try it because it was sooo hard to get her to go and stay asleep! We had tried EVERYTHING and I was exhausted from getting up 5 times a night and starting to get very depressed, so we decided it was our only option. I tried putting her in her crib and staying with her, but that was worse for both of us because she didn't understand why I was just there looking at her and it was way to hard listening to her cry in front of me. So, I rocked her in the rocker for a while, fed her, sang to her, gave her some kisses told her I loved her and then put her down and left the room. It was VERY hard and she cried for almost an hour, but it worked and in a few days she was sleeping for 10 hours straight! I thought she would hate me for it, but babies are very smart and she learned that bedtime is bedtime. And she can either let me rock her to sleep or go to sleep on her own but either way, she is going to bed! Now, she goes to bed at 10 often without crying at all. She wakes p at 6 30 to nurse (which she doesn't need for nutrition but we both enjoy it) and then gets up around 9. She is a much happier baby now and always has a huge smile on her face in the morning. She used to be very fussy all the time. I never realized what a valuable skill putting yourself to bed can be! Can you imagine being soo tired and not knowing how to go to sleep on your own? In my experience, cio was the best thing i could do for my baby and the rest of my family. If you do try it, you must be persistent! If you have tried everything else, I would recomend cio for the health of your family. Your lo has to learn how to go to sleep on her own eventually, so the way I see it, you can either teach her now or wait until she is bigger and able to put up quite a protest. I would never try cio on a young baby, but I think that once they develop object permanence (around 5 mos) that it is just fine if you have tried all other options.


luviduvi - February 14

Yea, I don't believe in CIO either. Even the Furberizing guy doesn't believe his own theory anymore. In the past I just work work work at what works for us. My ds is more difficult than dd. He's 4mths and just really found a good method along with position to get him to sleep. I also find that if ds wakes up after 20 minutes or so and he really needs to be taking a longer nap, I rock him back to sleep and put him back to bed. I do this as many times as needed. He finally gets it that he's not getting up to play or whatever. Eventually, they will say, "okay, time for bed, I will let her rock me to sleep and I will comply b/c there is nothing else I can do..." good luck my dear


LollyM - February 14

Also, as Erynn said, co sleeping is not for everyone. You just have to figure out why your child is waking in the night and then do something about it based on that. My dd was waking because she didn't know how to go to sleep on her own. Now that she has learned how, she does it. If she wakes up in the night now, she might fuss for a few minutes and then go back to sleep on her own, if something is wrong or she is teething, she will cry for a while, and then I well tend to her if I know that she can't go back to sleep for whatever reason.


LollyM - February 14

I meant to say cio is not for everyone, sorry! Ry, after reading your second post, i realize that that's what my dd was doing. she would wake up and cry and I would go to her and she would cry more. I figured out that my lo was crying because she wanted to go back to sleep and me going to her made it worse because I woke her up more and she was just tired.


ry - February 14

I am so bad I am trying to get ready for work right now and she should be sleeping but no, i am holding her right now beacuse she was crying her head off! I give up! Now I am scared to leave her tonight-my hubby will prob let her cry!


rl- - February 14

crying is not really that bad if you think about it that is the only way babies have of letting out their stress not trying to fight just food for thought!! ( :


LollyM - February 14

aww, I've done stuff like that and dd was soo tired later! but then she just falls asleep on her own at that point so it's ok but she is fussy until then. My advise is to be persistent. If you and dh decide to cio, you can't cave because then you are sending mixed signals which is way worse than anything because then they don't understand why you let them cry sometimes and not others. Talk to dh and come up with a plan together so you are both consistent in cio or not doing cio. Good luck!


ssmith - February 14

I thought that I'd be able to do cio before I had my dd.....but since having her, my views have changed LOL. However, she went through a phase at about 6 months of not falling asleep unless I was in the room, touching her head. I did it for a while, but after it kept happening for a week or two....I knew that I was creating a bad habit that would be really hard for dd to break. So, I did a kind of "gradual cio." I would soothe her in her crib, then leave. She would, of course, cry ~~ but I waited 5 minutes before going back in. I would soothe her again, and leave, soothe, leave etc etc. I would gradually stretch out going back in to 10 minutes, then 15 minutes....until she eventually fell asleep. Believe me, it was torture the first few nights. I was wracked with guilt, and cried every time because I knew that all I had to do to stop her crying as touch her little head. However, after a few nights....she would cry for maybe a minute tops, then go right to sleep ~~ calmly and peacefully. Now, she goes right to sleep no problem....and is also able to soothe herself should she wake in the night. I am a FIRM believer that you should do what is right for you and your family...and this is what worked for us. She knew that I was there, and that I would always come back to comfort her....but in my opinion....she also needed to learn how to fall asleep without my help. I think that is SO crucial. My daughter is happy and peaceful in her crib, and that is most important to me. Good luck ry!


bradylove - February 14

I just bring ds into bed with us (after some great advice from BriannasMummy!). If he's having a bad night or can't get back to sleep I bring him into our bed and either we all fall asleep or I wait until he is fully asleep and put him back in his crib. I think it builds confidence and a feeling that mommy will come over when I need her to make it better. We had some issues a few weeks ago where he just stopped sleeping through the night suddenly. After doing that for about a week, now he's sleeping well again, in his crib. Oh and I totally agree with Rans about naps. They sleep so much better at night if they've had enough sleep during the day.


k.p.j.e. - February 15

Isn't co-sleeping actually just postponing the inevitable? Won't it actually make it just harder when you do decide they need to sleep on their own? I'm sorry, I'm not against CIO in theory, but I understand it doesn't always work, like in Ashtynsmom's case, her baby gets sick so that's obviously not the answer. But I mean I just can't believe how many people prefer co-sleeping over CIO. Not trying to be rude or anything like that! I just didn't realize...


sophandbob - February 15

I don't have any tricks really, I just have a very good baby. Even with his cold, and teething he's settled well. On the rare occa__sions he is restless I have nursed him to sleep, but thats happened like two or three times. Just once we've hgad to take him for a walk in his buggy to settle him.His mobile being on when he goes down helps I suppose, plus I put him to bed when I know he's really ready for it. He goes to bed at the same time as us, which is usually between 9 and 10pm (he may have fallen asleep downstairs in his rocker before we take him up) and sleeps in our room. If he isn't tired he'll settle and happily lie in his crib and natter away to me - I love to hear him chatter away. A good old cuddle also works for him too, but as I keep reminding my partner when he moans about little man when he is grumby (which is very rare) that we are extremely fortunate and have a very well behaved baby. I think we'll end up paying for it with the next baby if there is one. When I hear some of the stories on here I do feel extremely fortunate.


Shea - February 15

I was against cio too, but when Braden turned 1, he was going through a bought of waking up at all hours of the night, and not even wanting to be held, he wanted to get up and run around. I was so exhausted, and then a co-worker w/ 3 kids convinced me to try for like one minute at a time. So after much agonizing, at 4 am one night I tried it. One minute, then 2, increasing my intervals and it took about an hr to get ds to sleep. If was sooo hard, but that was the one and only night I had to do it. I know it sounds crazy, but I stuck to it for that one night, and now if he wakes up and I go in and lay him back down, shhh and paci, & blankie, and he just lays back down and goes back to sleep. Absolutly amazing.



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