How Do You Say No

5 Replies
Rabbits07 - May 14

Amazingly in all the years that I've had babies in the past, I've never encountered the problem of people I didn't really know all that well, or people that I didn't really want holding my babies, asking to hold them or wanting to touch them....until now. There is a lady that goes to the same church as I do, so we are not exactly strangers, but we're not friends either. Last week she asked me if she could hold Mason...well she gets him in her arms and goes off to her seat with him. Well, I knew that he was hungry and that it would only be a matter of a minute or two before he started whining. I was right and at first whimper I went and got him. Well, when I got downstairs where I was going to nurse him I was holding him up on my shoulder while I undid my blouse and I noticed that he reeked of cigarette smoke! (Hubby is not even allowed to smoke in the confines of our home and when he holds ds the shirt has to come off). Today the same lady asked to hold him again. Luckily, he was asleep in his carrier and I told her that I really didn't want him to get used to being held while he was sleeping (which is the truth). But now I am fretting over what to say to her in the future. I'm sure she will ask again and I don't know how to nicely tell her that I don't want her holding him because she reeks of smoke--to be honest, I don't really know her that well and don't really like him being out of my sight with someone I don't know well. Am I being crazy on both accounts? I really don't want to hurt her feelings as she just started coming to our church a few months ago and I don't want her to stop coming because I hurt her feelings. On the other hand I already have 2 children with asthma and I really don't want my baby exposed to the smoke in her clothing....besides the not knowing her well. How would you ladies deal with this?


Mel_C - May 15

Wow, that's a tough one. I don't think you're being crazy at all, I totally sympathise, I've been in a couple of similar situations. Maybe you could make an excuse next time she asks (like, he's just eaten and might spit up on her nice clothes) and then casually drop into conversation that you ask your husband to change clothes after smoking before he holds the baby - it might guilt her into saying something, or not asking again? Alternatively maybe you could say your ped said not to let smokers handle the baby in clothes they've smoked in. Good luck!


Jamie - May 15

I would be honest with her. I would tell her that you don't want your infant exposed to smoke because you already have two asthmatic children, and are attempting to prevent your third child from developing a potentially fatal condition as well. Explain that it's nothing personal, and even your husband has to change clothing before holding the baby.


Heather F - May 15

You are Masons mom, your most important job is being his advocate because he cant speak for himself - therefore you should be worried about nothing other then the fact that you have to protect him this includes protecting him from the good natured woman at church that smokes....I would tell her if he was happy, "my mom always said never to move a happy baby!" and if hes sleeping "I would prefer to leave him so he doesnt wake up" if hes crying "hes so fussy right now, I'm sorry I just don't want to pa__s him around and agrivate him further" - I think after being turned down a few times she'll stop asking. Strangers are so difficult, I am surprised she asked to hold the baby to begin with and that she actually went back to her seat with him!! I would never have the guts to do that!


HannahBaby - May 15

I would just tell her the truth. I was reading in parenting that even THIRD hand smoke is bad for babies!! The chemicals in cigarettes are in the smokers clothes and then the baby is breathing them in. I would not allow this to keep happening because it really isnt about being polite, its about your sons health. Also, its strange that this lady just walks off with your baby!!!! I know that its hard, i had this same issure with my parents and my in laws who are all chain smokers, No smoking anywhere NEAR my baby.. everyone follows that rule except for my mom who honetly doesnt care what i say EVER!! My mom does this wierd thing where she enjoys licking kids faces (gross, i know) and it really skeeves me out and i tell her all the time not to do it but she does it anyway!! Sorry to get OT. If you dont feel comfortable telling her the truth then make up excuses (sleeping, not feeling well, cutting teeth) everytime and hope that she will get the point. Good luck


nic nac - May 15

I agree with Jamie and HannahBaby. My mom smokes but is quitting and I don't bring Aaliyah to her house at all. She watches her two times a week and she comes to our house. Then I read the article on third hand smoke and now I insist that my mom keep a change of clothes to wear when she watches the baby to avoid third hand smoke.



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