I Don T Know My Baby Am I A Bad Mom

8 Replies
angeev - December 17

Maybe I am expecting too much too soon (he is 7w) but I don't feel like I know my baby at all. All his cries sound alike to me and everyone says I will be able to tell them apart. He is on no schedule or routine even thought I really try, and just when I think he is I am proven wrong. The doc tells me just to follow his cues, but I don't feel I am good at reading his cues. He is a great baby with a super laid back personaity and maybe he is just too laid back, I don't know. He does eat at the same time but it might be 6 ounces or it might be 2, it is all over the board. The only reason I am so concerned is he starts child care next week and I feel like they will look down at me if I walk in and say "I have no clue what his routine is and I can't give you any clues on how to care for him as an individual, even though I am his mother."


K - December 17

He is a great baby with a laid back personality which means whether you realize it or not, you are picking up on his cues and giving him exactly what he needs. Don't be so hard on yourself. Some babies do much better without a completely structured routine. My sister in law insisted on a planned routine for her dd down to the minute (even color coded everything down to the minute for the grandparents on a printed schedule when they left town for a couple days. i.e. nap from 1:32 to 3:05). Her daughter cried all the time from the time she was born and never seemed happy. (Used to drive me nuts when I knew she was crying because she wanted more to eat and they wouldn't give it to her because it didn't fit with the schedule.) She's five now and very sweet, but she still cries if you even look at her funny. I did what you did and my dd was always happy, social and easy to take care of. Sounds like he is acting perfectly normal. Just tell the day care what times he eats, since he does that at the same time, and tell them that he doesn't always eat the same amount and to follow his cues. If you can think of any signs he gives you when he is getting tired or ready for a nap tell them that too. It will be fine!


Krissy25 - December 17

I still don't have a real solid routine with my dd (she is 4 and 1/2 months) and i'm ok with that b/c she is so happy. I just address her needs as they come, if she starts to get cranky i feed her and sometimes she falls asleep and sometimes she doesn't, it's ok. i just get stuff done when i have a chance. I think K is right about you knowing your baby better than you think. That kind of personality means you are taking care of him when he needs something. Don't be too hard on yourself most 7 week olds don't have good schedules yet, just tell your daycare about how many times you feed him in that time spand and how long he usually sleeps. It might help to record everything for a few days and you might actually start seeing a pattern.


mamagoose - December 17

I understand how you feel, I never felt like I 'knew' my ds either, it was always a mystery trying to figure out what he needed, and it changed all the time... I guess it was just that I wasn't too confident with myself, and I was always second-guessing. With time (and as he got older) it got better... In retrospect, I'd say one of the reasons he was so hard to figure out was that he was a weird combination of volatile and laid-back, depending on the time of day and how much sleep he had. I don't think anyone could have really figured him out when he was under 4 months! Don't worry, just tell them that you follow his cues to determine what he needs, rather than having him on a routine/schedule, and they should understand that.


DB - December 17

Just tell them he's fed on demand still!! You'll be surprised who quick they will figure it out! I STILL feel like I don't know my dd and she is 10.5 months old! In my defense I work full time so we only have the weekends together. But, like other's have said it gets easier the older they get!


mjvdec01 - December 18

A 7 week old should be eating every 3 hours, and have a diaper change after each feeding. The rest of the time is either for sleeping or starring around the room. At this age feeding and changing is all the routine they need. make sure the caregiver knows that the feedings are three hours from the beginning of each feeding, not the end. As far as the cries are concerned and you knowing what they mean, the baby is either tired, hungry, sick, in pain, or has a wet or dirty diaper. Just go down the list. You will be fine. :o}


mjvdec01 - December 18

If your baby is crying to eat you have waited too long. To be safe try feeding every 2 and a half hours.


Ashley86 - December 18

Hey, I don't think no schedule is bad at all! Soundslike you feed on demand. For your personal sanity, look up Dunstan's Universal Language and read the Wikipedia article on it will help you understand better what his cries mean...that's what has really helped me. Lol, I'm horrible though, I let him pacify on me, so when he cries, I always first offer the t_ts which works 19 out of 20 times. Hahaha, but now that I understand better when to burp him, and when he is about to need a diaper change, I do those cues.


Justine1 - December 22

I think you're doing fine. I don't have either of mine on a schedule, I don't see any need for one. I think at 7 weeks most mothers with a firstborn wouldn't be able to tell cries apart. My baby is 11 months and is also quite laid back. I tell when he's sleepy as he rubs his eyes and yawns rather than by the cry, he never cries for his nappy/diaper (nor does my DD unless she's in pain from it), so pretty much every other time its food or if I've just put him down its because he wants to be picked up. I'm putting my children in a nursery soon/daycare and the daycare has its own routine so they may well not even ask.



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