I Feel I Am Failing My Son

7 Replies
kristie h - January 15

Hi ladies, i dont know if this is just a hormonal thing (i am 5 weeks pregnant) but i feel i am failing my son. I smoke cigarets (about 12 aday) but i have noticed my son does not eat breakfeast (he is 2) at the table,i am lucky to get him to eat anything for breakfast. I have clicked on that maybe he doesnt eat breakfast as my breakfast is a smoke and coffee so he is getting my routine. I feel like i have let him down. I am going to try to quit smoking tommorrow i just hope i can do it as i only have one smoke left. Now since i have had my son i have had two miscarriages and i cant do the things he wants to do eg: go to the park, run around the back yard, pick him up all the time. I feel so guilty about this it brings me to tears. I realy realy want this baby (god forbid) but i feel he will hate for it as i cant and wont beable to give him my 100% attention. I feel sorry for him when he wants me to run around and i say no, then he nags me and nags me to the point where i get frustrated and i just end up walking away from him. I could go on and on but just writing it makes me feel worse so i will leave it at that. Does anyone have ideas for my situation? Thanks

 

ash2 - January 15

Kristie, i must say i felt a little like you did a while back. But i had to change. I never smoked, but i would get to the point where i would just not have any energy to do anything . My son would ask me to play with him and i would maybe do it for 5-10 min and quit. I have since changed. I realized that it was very important to be involved in your childs life.....younger and older. You have to be their best friend first. Let them be the one that you want to play with, and vise versa. I have found that i bond more with him now that i have really spent more time with him. I work a full time job 5 days a week and i dont get to bed untill midnight, but i am up at 8 every morning with a routine for them. I designate 1 hour during the day to just focus and play with them. ( reading, school work, playing etc....) I sometimes divide it up in 2 /30 min intervals. I have also designated a certain day during the week that we go somewhere together..( mcdonalds, playground, skating). I think it is very important that your involved in their lives...it will benefit you when they are older and want to come to ralk to you about things. I hope i have helped, but please try...

 

taral - January 15

Kristie, I understand. I don't smoke, but have plenty of other bad habits, for example, I'm selfish and REALLY like my alone time. I have to really make sure and not make myself the priority. It is just so hard to be a mom. I agree with ash2, designating time to play with them is a good idea (hard, but good!) I love my kids and love being around them, but I find it hard to play barbies and such. I would much rather do a game like memory, or something like that. Anyway, all of us mom's are full of guilt, warranted or not.....just do the BEST you can, and don't (try not to) beat yourself up!!! By the way, you don't have to give 100% of your attention to your child, they need to learn to play and be imaginative alone as well!!!!

 

taral - January 15

P.S. Good luck quitting smoking! You can do it!! Also, this may not be the most popular thing to say, but if you trip up and have a smoke now and then, don't beat yourself up about that either. If you lived in NYC, that would probably be worse than a cigarette or two!!!

 

Bonnie - January 15

I think quitting smoking is a great idea. Are you married? Do you have any help? Does he smoke? I ask because my husband just gave up smoking. He had surgery and the doctor made him quit. He really didn't have a choice because I refused to go get him any and he couldn't move. But he was an absolute nightmare. The first week I was ready to divorce him, lol. After about 3 weeks it became much easier for him and now 4 months later he does great. He gets an occasional urge but most of the time he doesn't even think about it anymore (and he was a heavy smoker). Based on what I saw with him, I think you really need some help to quit. Do you have any support?

 

kristie h - January 15

Hi ladies thank you all for your replys. What ment about not going to parks ect is that i can not do that till i am over 12 weeks pregnant as i have had 2 miscarriages and i am at high risk of losing this one. I feel so guilty about being pregnant. Well i woke up this morining anf i have not had 1 smoke, i had a craving but it only lasted 10 minutes. I hope i can keep at it.

 

rl- - January 15

you know I feel sorta like you I have issues as well don't want to go into details as these are my demons to deal with but I feel bad about myself and I feel like sometimes I am not a good mom but I try to look at the postives that I do and try not to feel sorry for myself and just try to do better which as I said I have some things going on right now and I am really trying to avoid something but I have no self control sometimes and I feel like I drag my dh down too anyways just try to do better and take things one day at a time that is what I am working on too!! good luck ( :

 

Kara H. - January 15

As a repeat miscarrier myself, I can spout more statistics than I care to admit about miscarriage, but smoking does DOUBLE your risk of losing a genetically normal baby. You can do this! If not for your own health, but for the health of your baby! I never liked eating breakfast. I never have an appit_te for about 2 hours after I get up. Maybe you and your son are the same way. Try pushing back breakfast to a later time and have something you really enjoy. My doctor said she would rather me have a doughnut or a cinnamon roll and a gla__s of milk than skip breakfast all together. So at least while you are trying to quit, but good to yourself and let yourself enjoy things that you normal wouldn't. As for your son and the new baby, yes their will be period of adjustment, but he will love his little sibling more than you can imagine. Hang in there!

 

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