I Feel Like I M Failing As A New Mum

18 Replies
Lindsey - June 19

Hi, my little boy is only 4 days old but I feel like a failure, I had decided to br___tfeed my baby from birth due to the peer pressure of the hospital/midwives/family etc. Well I don't feel now that I'm coping, I have to use nipple shields because of inverted nipples and my ds seems to latch onto them for a few minutes, then falls asleep, i keep waking him up by tickling his feet or moving him but he still drops off. Of course becasue of this he wants feeding every hour but we go through the same thing all the time, where he falls asleep almost as soon as he has latched on to the sheild. I have spoken to my midwife about this and told her i was concerned that he wasn't having enough food and she didn't seem concerned. I would like to switch to formula so a least I can see how much he is having. he also cries quite a lot and i'm sure it is down to his food. Any advice is greatly appreciated. Would you switch to formula.


Tillie - June 19

Linsey, congratulations on your new baby! I just read your birth story on the third trimester forum and was so happy for you. My baby is now just over two weeks old and I know what you mean--b___stfeeding is HARD! My b___sts were cracking and bleeding by day 3 and I was crying through half the feedings. I was also convinced she wasn't getting enough food because she kept falling asleep through feedings, but their stomach's are the size of a single pea right now--it doesn't take much to fill it up! Honestly, I think it's a right of pa__sage to worry and consider switching to formula, but I would really try to keep b___stfeeding for a while--it does get easier! Now at 16 days old, my baby latches on beautifully and I can't get her to STOP eating some days (like today--omg). Even now it's still hard sometimes, but nothing like that first week. Hang in there! You are NOT a failure, you're a new mother who is worried and hormonal and wanting to do the best for your new baby. Know that you're not alone! And congrats again, it's so good to see a familiar name on the forum...being the first June mommy to have her baby, I've been missing all you guys over here!


HannahBaby - June 19

O hon you arent a failure. I tried to b___stfeed my daughter and had a really hard time due to flat nipples. The nurses didnt help me at all and pretty much told me it was impossible, so i ended up giving her bottles. No one would help me, i had no resources (internet, LLL, friends etc) and felt very alone. however, I was fine giving her a bottle until my milk started coming in and then i had a breakdown and was in hysterics because i felt like i could not even do the one natural thing that mothers are supposed to do and that i was going to be a terrible mom. I locked myself in my room with a b___st pump and just sobbed for hours. But then i snapped out of and relized just because i didnt b___stfeed, did not make me any worse of a mother who did b___stfeed. i am proud that i gave my daughter formula, and never feel ashamed or that i didnt do what was in the best interest of my daughter. Shes 17 months old today and i would not have changed a single thing that i did. If YOU want to give your baby formula instead of b___stfeeding its YOUR decision and no one can make that decision for you. Its your body, your emotions and your baby. Good luck with whatever you choose to do. One piece of advice: If your going to switch to formual try Nestle GoodStart. My daughter had a terrible time with Enfamil (as well as alot of babies have)


bean - June 19

No! I wouldn't switch to formula. Not yet. Your little one is ONLY 4 days old. Your milk may have not even come in yet. He's still exhausted from delivery and still brand new to this world. Give him a couple days to adjust. At your pedi apt (which should be coming up soon) the dct will check his weight and let you know if s/he is concerned. Until then, keep trying. BF is HARD, but it's sooo worth it. It's going to be difficult for at least the first 6 weeks. Keep at it - and don't beat yourself up over your little one choosing sleep. He'll eat when he's ready.


Rabbits07 - June 19

Babies tend to be really sleepy at first and the problem you are describing is a common one. I know b___stfeeding is really encouraged and I b___stfeed also, but if it is something that your heart is not in and you really don't want to do then you should switch to formula. There is nothing wrong with giving a baby formula as that is what it is made for. (If you were really wanting to b___stfeed and just discouraged I would encourage you to keep on with the b___stfeeding as it tends to be a little rocky at first, but that's not the idea I'm getting from your post.) Also, be aware that you may still have the problem of baby falling asleep while feeding & crying frequently even while formula feeding as sometimes babies just do that. You would have the rea__surance of knowing how much he was eating though. You are not a failure just because you don't want to b___stfeed or are having trouble b___stfeeding. You are a good mother for wanting to know that your baby is alright. Good luck.


Lindsey - June 19

Thanks for your replies, Hi tillie, nice to see you on infant care, has it really been 16 days since your baby was born. I am going to persevere, he seems ok at he moment, i think because i'm a 1st time mum I expecting everything to be easy and need to give myself time and expect that not everything will happen for me straightaway. Thanks guys, i'll keep you updated with any progress we make.


luvbendict - June 19

I had the exact same problem with you before. I was so worried my ds would starve because he had lost some weight. Then I decided to pump my milk and gave it to him from the bottle. I know the bottle not supposed to be introduced until the baby latch correctly, but I felt it was the right thing to do at that time. It was easier to pump the milk because other people can help me to feed him while I took a rest, because newborn had to be fed every 2 hours and I can't handle that . The good thing was he didn't fall asleep!!! I pumped my milk until ds was 1 mth old then b___stfed him directly from the b___st until he was 10 mths old. So maybe you could try expressing your milk. If you feel that b___stfeeding is too hard then just give him the formula. Do not b___stfeed just because of peer pressure, if you are not happy the baby is not happy. Giving him the formula does not make you a bad mom. There are lots of moms out there who give their babies formula and the babies are healthy . I consider those women lucky because when baby bites the nipple , it hurt!!! Good luck for you :)


Ca__sieSong - June 19

I also think maybe you should try to bf a little longer, but like Rabbits said, if your heart is not in it, then it is ok to switch to formula. After two months, that is what I did. I began nursing because of peer pressure too.... and I thought it would be best for baby as well. Well, I'm glad I tried, but feel formula was the best arrangement for us. Just don't feel guilty if you do switch. Do what is best for you. :-)


SonyaM - June 19

I know just what you are going through. I desperately wanted to b___stfeed but ended up giving up do to a latch on problem on one side and severe pain and bleeding on the other side. I do at times regret stopping but for me and my baby it was the best thing. Follow your heart and do not do anything just to make others happy. When you follow your heart you can never go wrong. You might want to try a webiste for b___stfeeding support. There is one called kelleymom.com (not positive of the name but I am sure if you google it you can find it). Good luck and congrats on your baby.


rl - June 19

I did not read the other posts to you but I just had my 3rd son and I did not b___st feed any of them my oldest son is 17yrs old now and he is over 6ft tall and very healthy just to let you know b___st feeding is not for everyone i watched my best friend go thru hell she had her baby 3months before my last and I never felt the urge to b___st feed and you know what I feel like a great mom my oldest son is just about to graduate from high school and he is a good boy never in any trouble or anything so b___stfeeding may help some but is not magic or anything just love your baby that is all they really need!! Good luck


Ang - June 19

Awww it's ok. I went through something similiar when my ds was new too. I ended up formula feeding as it was just too hard and if that' the route you choose to go don't let anyone make you feel bad for it. At least you tried and gave it your best shot, it's not always the right thing for every mom - it wasn't the right thing for me, and while the comments of "breat is best you know" did get to me I finally said that it what was best for me and my son by extension. If I'm stressed an unhappy then he will be as well, I hope that it all works out for you. No matter which way you decided to go.


pbj - June 19

Don't feel that way. It is hard to get adjusted in the beginning, especially when you're trying to b___stfeed, and with inverted nipples...you should be given a medal. We all have these feelings from time to time. I have flat nipples so I had a difficult time as well and also had to use nipple shields. I will say that they make nursing very difficult because babies do not latch to them properly so you feel pain that you normally wouldn't feel without them. My suggestion would be to contact a lactation consultant. Since you said mum instead of mom I a__sume you are in the UK so I'm not too familiar with b___stfeeding support there. I will say I wish I had gone to a lactation consultant because after two weeks I had to throw in the towel. My dd just wouldn't latch and I couldn't get my nipples erect at all...believe me it was horrible. You're going to get a lot of different opinions so I would just say do what feels right to you. Just remember that your milk may not have come in yet and babies are asleep for like the first two weeks of life. Nursing with inverted nipples can be very difficult, it's fifty times harder to get baby to latch. You are awesome for giving it the effort you are.


melissa g. - June 20

YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE!!! this is such a hard thing for some folks. I was so pumped to b___stfeed (pumped, hee get it? sorry), and i had to use the accursed nipple shield, my baby fell asleep all the time, the pain at first was ungodly. I stuck with it and we got off the nipple shield, she started sucking better and i also pumped and gave milk to her in bottles. I thought, cool, this is what we will do, carry on in this fashion. The clogged milk ducts happened over and over, the pain and the engorgement i cant tell you, i cried and cried when i realized that our lives were revolving around bf'ing and that it wasnt working out. I LIVED at the lactation office. But she did get b___st milk the first 2 months and the b___stmilk/formula combo for the 3 month and now its all formula. Everyone said to hang on for the first 8 weeks but things didnt get super better but maybe they will for you, its too early to tell yet! your baby will be fine either way and you will be a wonderful mommy!!


melissa g. - June 20

also, i use Nestle Goodstart -- enfamil caused lots of screaming -- i love how the docs say all formulas are the same-- NOT TRUE


hello - June 20

you will meet many nipple nazis in your life and b___stfeeding didnt work for me either and i did not hesitate... Do what makes u comfy and dont listen to the nipple nazis ok


Lindsey - June 20

Hi all, I thought I would let you know that yesterday I pumped some b___stmilk and gave it to my DS in a bottle, he loved it. I could see how much he had eaten and he actually slept a full 4 hours which he has never done. So I have decided to continue using the pump and feeding him by bottle until we have a nice routine and then I will try the nipple again, but i've decided i'm not going to stress over this, Thankyou all for you advice, it was greatly appreciated. xx


grandma - June 21

You are NOT a failure...just tired :) Most hospitals have breatsfeeding consultants/clinics. Find out if yours does and if so use the services. My daughter did and it/they were an excellent service. Congrats!! Oh, you can't spoil a baby with too much holding, loving, cuddles, kissing, etc, etc:)



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