I Need Help With Judgements

23 Replies
want advice please - September 23

I am very judgemental of people who don't br___tfeed and who circ_mcize their boys. I don't voice it at all if that helps. Does anyone have advice for me on how to get over this? I think circ_mcision is just AWFUL. I can't believe that people do it in this day and age. Please don't bash me - I genuinely want advice. thanks!


Steph - September 23

There are a lot of women who can't b___stfeed due to one reason or another. Take for instance a friend of mine at work, she has two boys who are 1 & 2 and she did not b___stfeed either one because she has to take medication for her brain tumor....good enough reason? There are also younger moms who maybe b___stfeed for a couple of weeks and then quit maybe because it is too hard or they are embara__sed to do it. Then there are some moms who don't because the husband will be staying home with the baby and they will be working and formula is easier for them. With regard to circ_mcision, there is no clear answer to help you get over your issues. Some people want their child to look like their dad and their friends, and some do it because they think that it is cleaner. I have a daughter, so I don't know much about circ_mcision or how long it takes to heal, but I think that it is a personal decision between the parents and others should really mind their own business. If you don't agree with it, don't do it, but you don't really have the right to judge others because they made a choice that you don't agree with. Hope this helps....


want advice please - September 23

yes, you're right - I should have clarified that I totally understand moms who need to go back to work or who have troubles.


Steph - September 23

There are also women who just plain don't want to b___stfeed and that's their choice. You should not look down on them because they don't make the choice to b___stfeed like you. It's not your child, and it's not your life, and it does not make them bad mothers.


want advice please - September 23

i know i am wrong - you don't need to convince me. that's why i wrote the post. i just don't understand why someone wouldn't give their child the best thing for them or why they would mutilate their genitals...


Steph - September 23

It's seems as this is going round in circles. Some people circ_mcise, some don't. Some people b___stfeed, some don't. None of us know everyone's reasons, and honestly no one should care besides the parents of the child. You should be more concerned with your family than what other's are doing with theirs. It is not against the law to circ_mcise or to make the choice not to b___stfeed and people have the right to do what they want with their children. Honestly, you need to move on and be judgmental about other things, such as abusive parents, child molesters, etc. Put your energy somewhere else...


Jadyns Mommy - September 23

I b___stfed Jadyn for the first 10 weeks and it was really hard because she kept gagging and would have to keep relatching (which also hurt like hell). The Dr found that she had a real short gag reflex and my let down was too fast so I started pumping instead so she could drink from the bottle. Once I had to go back to work, that was no longer an option and I felt absolutely horrible that I could not continue b___stfeeding so I can see your point where it is difficult to understand why someone would not want to give the best for their baby if they are able to. But I defintiely do not think that makes them a bad mother or uncaring or that they should be judged, they just have their preference and formulas are so fortified with vitamins and minerals now days, that the child is still getting a great head start on life. Since I have a girl, I dont have any insight into the circ_mcision but I will admit that until I saw posts on this board, I didnt know that it was an option NOT to get it done. I thought it was just something that it done on all boys so any input from me would not be helpful. Thanks.


mom42 - September 23

Not to sound mean, but therapy can help : ) If you really want to work on not being judgemental, a therapist can talk you through that... On the other hand, I don't think it is a big deal. As long as you're not harra__sing people and understand that others have different opinions, even if you don't agree, then I wouldn't worry about it. If your opinion is asked, have a few points to mention about why you think your way is better, then drop it.


get over it - September 23

You just posted because you know that these are 2 contraversial issues on this board and you like conflict! GET A LIFE. Worry about yourself and your family, don't worry about anyone else. GROW UP!


j - September 23

steph - you sound very angry and defensive.


want advice please - September 23

that is not why I posted, but you are ent_tled to your opinion. The reason I posted was because I keep seeing these issues here and I get very judgemental when I read them.


Steph to j - September 23

No, I'm not defensive, I just don't know how to get across to this person, who asked for opinons, to get her to understand why other's do things. After my second post, she then says I just don't know how anyone could mulitate their child's genitals or not give them the best....I tried to say my peice in my inital post, and I am not going to go rounds with someone who does not agree with things that other people do. It's asinine to do so. Basically, in order to not judge, you need to focus your judgmental energy on something else rather than picking out and obsessing over the "faults" of others. Pay attention to your own family and quit yammering on and on about how you just don't understand why people do this....blah blah blah, that's life and not everyone does the "right thing".


MJM - September 23

Well then just dont read those posts if it bothers you that much. Everyone has their right to their own opinion. I never b___stfed my daughter and will not b___stfeed my son. My son will also be circ_msized. My b___bs are way too big and my daughter could never latch on so I am not going to put myself through the mental torture again. My son will be circ_msized not only because my hubby is but I nannied a boy that was not circ_msized and I felt like I was molesting him everytime I changed his diaper. Now a days they numb the p___s before they do anything. Which does not take all of the pain away but it does ease it. A friend of mine ended up getting her son circ at around 2. They of course knocked him out and did a full on surgery. Her son had many issues regarding his p___s and the doctor recomended it and she wishes she would have done it right away. So just like you we have our own reasons and feelings on these subjects. So please respect that.


yo - September 23

I am sure that most of the mothers that choose not to breasfeed or circ_msise their kids do it thinking they are doing the best for their children. That is what is important. I think your main problem is that you are a very judgmental person. wich is ok, but if you want help you have to work on that first..maybe like someone recommended therapy? Good luck!! :)


Anna - September 23

im 16 and i b___stfed my baby for only 2 weeks because everytime i would b___stfeed her she would just spit up everything she ate. I didnt smoke drink or do any drugs...well the medicine i was presribed because i had a c section. and even then i stop taking it for a couple of days to see what that is. and 2nd there are some mothers who dont circ_mcise. but still its there choice. you do things that people dont like....its life


Tiffany - September 23

well, i just gave birth to a son 3 weeks ago and i did not have him circ_msized. I just do not agree with it. I have a friend who is in labor right now with a son and she is getting her son circ_msized. what is my response? what is good for the goose is not always good for the gander. it is all about tolerance. if you can not bring yourself to have tolerance of another persons choice than you are going to have a hard time teaching it to your children. my advice to you would be to make a adult decision to agree to disagree and GET OVER IT! Sorry to shout :)


Jamie - September 24

I totally agree with Tiffany. What is "best" for your child may be "worst" for mine and vice versa. You can't judge people for not doing what's "best" for their children, because they probably ARE doing what's best for THEIR children.



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