Im Not Proud But Im Guilty Of Having Thoughts Of Another Man

5 Replies
kristie h - December 3

Hi Ladies. I was going to use a different user name but i thought to be open and honest about my problem. we are all human and sometimes need someone to share our intimate thoughts with and i thought this would be the perfect place. Lately this guy has been coming over quite a bit and having a few games of pool with my husband. I have been with my husband for 6 years and not once have i falling for another guy and i NEVER EVER thought i would. This guy is stuck in my head. I know this ground is not to be crossed but its everything about him, i mean he is the smoothest guy i have ever met. The way he does his hair, his skin complexion, how he dresses, the way he talks, smiles, laughs its just everything about him. I feel like a school girl with a major crush!! I never thought i would be so attracted to another guy. He is also a married man and has been with his wife since he was 17 so they are high school sweat hearts and he has two kids to her. I really wish i could avoid this man but what makes it worse is he is my next door neighbour. I don't want him controlling my thoughts but its easier said then done. I feel so bad for my husband as he has done nothing for me to feel this. Has anyone else had other thoughts for another man? let alone them also being married? I hate it. I know the way i feel is soo wrong but i feel its just happening naturally like its out of my control.

 

MNMOM - December 3

Kristie: I think what you are experiencing is normal, and that most people go through these phases to some degree at one time or another. I am speaking from experience here - it seems that women in particular are vulnerable to these thoughts and feelings after they have a baby and become a mom; it's like we are mourning the loss of our freedom and youth and carefree days and s_x appeal, etc. What I can say is, remember that this guy puts his best foot forward in public, but that can be a decieving view...maybe he is a complete slug to live with, etc. The important part is that you don't act on your feelings, just try to squelch them and in time they will pa__s. Try using that energy and redirecting it toward making yourself motivated to feel good and towards affection for your husband and your marriage, you will be glad you did and everyone will win this way. Believe me when I say I have been there once a long time ago and made the wrong choice in your case and it was not a happy outcome.

 

Happymommy - December 3

Hi Kristie. MNMOM did a great job of responding and I will pretty much say what she said, but I think that in this situation you can probably use all of the support you can get. You are only seeing a small-tiny side of this guy and you are most likely not seeing any of the bad at this point. If you read about what happens in an affair, you see that the first attraction is mystery and newness--something that is in the past with your spouse. They can never be truly new again. And that is what makes it such a danger to your marriage. I would advise you to pay extra attention to your husband, look at him across the room (when he isn't looking) and appreciate the things you love about him. Maybe even talk about your problem with your spouse, because the best thing might be not seeing this friend any more, as he is a temptation. Shower him with extra attention--give a lot of yourself without expecting in return. Your husband will appreciate it, and couples often become more deeply intimate when they give of themselves in this way. You might be surprised at how your relationship develops, and grows more intimate. "New love" is exciting and adventurous, but many people don't realize the intense excitement brought by a truly intimate relationship that has weathered storms. I applaud you for recognizing this--and I say fight it with all you have, and it could bring you and your husband closer than ever before. Praying for you!

 

kim00 - December 3

I would say talk to your dh about it. The best thing you can do is communicate about everything. We've found in our marriage that the issues that are awkward or embara__sing are the ones that need to be put on the table. I don’t know how my dh feels, when I go to go him with problems. But when he comes to me, I have so much respect for him, and I appreciate that he allows me to be his confidant and support. Good luck to you!

 

TiffanyRae - December 3

Just remember not very often is the gra__s greener on the other side! MNMOM had an awesome response! I think many of us have had those same feelings at some time. I just picture my life without DH in it..and within minutes I am reminded how fantastic my life truly is!! Lots of luck to you!

 

wailing - December 3

I also agree w/ MNMOM and TiffanyRae. I believe this man just represents a fantasy life that no longer exists (for many of us new moms). It's the fantasy of s_xiness, newness, excitement and a life u lived prior to ur baby and husband. I think it is a very normal thing and probably healthy as long as u don't act on it. It just shows that there is still a side of u that is alive sans baby and husband. BUT, like all the other ladies have said....try to imagine raising ur lo w/ out ur husband. How awful to not share that joy w/ him. And like someone mentioned. The gra__s only looks greener on the other side bc it is a novelty to u. When this "smooth operator" goes home, I'm sure he too leaves his socks lieing around, farts, forgets to do errands, leaves toothpaste all over the sink, doesn't do the dishes, etc:) He is just human, but ur fantasy has put him on a pedestal.

 

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