Life Changing Dilemma

6 Replies
olhdw101 - January 25

My husband told me the other day that he is happy with our 8 year old and 6 month old and he is not sure if he wants anymore kids and the only reason he swaying on the idea is because he knows I want 1 more really really bad. He doesn’t want to disappoint me by saying no but he’d would rather call it quits at 2. He suffers from depression (especially during the winter months) and when he goes through his episodes he feels like he can’t be there 100% mentally for them. He is terrific when he is feeling good but when he has his episodes all he does is sleep, he thinks with 1 more it would add friction on our relationship by me being the only adult mentally intact during those times and by me possibly resenting him. What would you guys do, honestly! Would you go for another one and reassure him it would be ok or would you suck it up and except what you have?

 

ash2 - January 25

Im kind of in the same boat. DH says he doesnt want anymore kids, but i really want to try for one more....Im thinking i will give my youngest son a few years to grow up and we will see what happens !!

 

AshleyB - January 25

It's a toughy.... Just out of curiosity, is your hubby on any medication for the depression? Sometimes that can make a huge difference. But you gotta respect the guy for wanting to be there 100% and knowing his limitations and faults. I would say give it a couple years, and then rea__sess the situation then. Give your lo time to be a baby, and get hubby on some meds if he's not already. Good luck!

 

Kara H. - January 25

Has he thought about SADD treatment? I don't have full b__wn depression, but I do get really blue in the dark winter months. I have changed out our kitchen lights (which are floresant) to Sun Sticks and they really help. They did a study where they changed out the lights in some offices and not in others and tracked the sick days and productivity. In the offices with the Sun Sticks, there were 50% less sick days and a 30% increase in productivity. So light therapy definitely works. They sell light boxes which are much more effective in people with a moderat to severe case of SADD. You may get your insurance to pay for it if your doctor OK's it. Otherwise they are like $100 bucks. I think the tanning bed helps too, but you run the risk of premature aging of the skin. I would definitely have him talk to his doctor about his depression. Regardless on your decision about kids, you guys need to get your hubby feeling better!

 

hello - January 26

I know that is a real illness, not sure what term to use but i dont know the exact term it is called..... I would perhaps accept i have two healthy happy kids and be happy he is being honest with you....If he is happy with two then leave it there, just my opinion.... I do admire his honesty rather than having another one to please you and it doesn't work out very well

 

Emily - January 26

I am kinda in the same boat. My dh gets kinda blue in the winter months but can still funtion. He just kinda goes through the motions though. I would concider trying to get him help and then talk about more kids. If he is feeling better, he may decide he ants more too. We have two (a 2 1/2 year old and a 7month old) and we have put off any permanant birth control until after the youngest is out of diapers. We kow we wont' want anymore beofre that, it was so tough with ours being so close, but yet it was worth it in ways too....but decided to wait until later to make a perm decision. I would love to have one more, btu I think Hubby is done, although part of him wants to try for that boy.....

 

olhdw101 - January 26

Dh has been on meds and for his depression since he was a young adult. He has been on about 4 different medications but the all seem to work really well then they lose there effectiveness, his doctor recently put him on a combination of Prozac and Effexor, he also takes omega 3,6 &9 supplement and a vitamin B12 supplement. I’ve also done some research on using lighting as therapy but we never followed through with that, thanks for the reminder Kara H, I think that is a great idea. Dh is limited on what type of meds they can put him on because he has a family history of epilepsy. He sees his doctor on a regular basis but nothing seems to be the answer. He feels his depression will never truly be resolved and he is reluctant to produce any more kids with the fear of pa__sing on this dreadful depression gene (it runs rapid on both his parents sides). I’m my hearts of hearts I want another baby and I’d like to do it with in the next 2 years, I’m 31 and don’t really want to wait too much longer.

 

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