Mil Just Won T Quit So Pissed

22 Replies
LollyM - February 18

Ok, so my MIL has been telling us to get Ava baptized since before she was born. MIL is Catholic and Dh was raised and baptized Catholic, but is now Atheist and I was not raised in any one religion and have been to church but a handful of times. Needles to say, we do NOT want to get out baby baptized! Dh and I have both told MIL time and time again that we are not Catholic and do not plan on baptizing our baby Catholic. We want to let her CHOOSE her own religion when she is ready to make that commitment for herself. Not that we think it is wrong to get a baby baptized, but it is just not our style. Anyway, I thought we had made it very clear that Ava will be choosing her religion when she is old enough to understand what said religion is about and she is welcome to commit herself to whatever religion she chooses, but apparently I was wrong! MIL has now gone from telling us that we MUST baptize our daughter to bribery! Apparently, she has two diamond cross necklaces worth $200 each and she will give one to Ava if we get her baptized and the other to Ava's cousin if SIL decided to get her baptized (she is 1 1/2). I am so furious about this! Choosing a religion is such a personal choice and so is baptism, I just can't believe that MIL is doing this!!! We are trying to teach our daughter that spirituality, morality, love and learning are far more important than material things and this is just not going to help us in teaching out daughter some morals! I mean, I understand that gifts are given when people are baptized, but I most certainly do not want to get my child baptized FOR the gifts! I also don't want Ava to decide to get baptized later down the line just because her grandmother is bribing her! That is the worst reason I have ever heard of for anyone to be baptized! MIL said that she will give lo the cross necklace if we baptize her no matter what religion we choose... what if we were to choose Islam or Judaism? Why would she want a cross necklace? This is just so absurd! I am extremely offended by this ugh! This woman even went so far as to ask the priest at her church if she could have OUR child baptized without our concent! I just can't stand her! I'm not trying to start a religion war here because I believe that all religions are valid and there is nothing wrong with baptism, I just can't stand that MIL is trying to force this on us!


punkin01 - February 18

lolly....when it comes to MIL vents i am right here with the rest of you ....i agree choice of religion is a personal decision and should not be forced or bribed.....stand your ground!!!!! it is your child and she shouldn't be able to choose her religion


Deirdra - February 18

Aw, Im sorry your going through this and i understand...both Dh and I were baptized catholic and both still are but we consider ourselves non practice...we do plan on getting DS baptized but were not rushing into it..he is already 4 months old... and we are being nagged about it...i think it should be the parents desicion when where and if the child should be babptized no one elses..but that is completely insane she is trying to bride you...childish i do sorry darling.,..


sophandbob - February 18

I can completely understand your point of view, and agree that it is your choice. However, I can also understand your MIL and I would guess that her forcefulness is coming from a great fear point of view. How catholic is she? If she is a staunch catholic this will be a very very big problem for her. She will believe whole heartedly that if anything happened to your daughter then her not being baptized will prevent her from being allowed into heaven. Funnily enough we were only having this discussion at work the other day. One of my collegues is catholic as was suprised we'd left it until he was nearly 5 months (this was because we wanted to wait until after xmas) as catholic babies are normally done at around 4 weeks. She was saying that if a child pa__ses and isn't baptized it is the catholic POV that the child canot enter heaven, nor can a baptism take place if the child has already pa__sed (so I don't what would happen in the case of a stillborn baby or a baby who dies minutes after birth). I expect that, whilst it might be hard to be sympathetic towards someone who is so forceful and quite coniving in her attempts to get you to change her mind, that she might be doing it out of absolute terror for her granddaughter. I wouldn't know how to advise you on how to deal with it except maybe to ask her to explain her reasoning, although you've probably done this, explain you understand her fears.


LollyM - February 18

hey ladies, I'm glad to see that I'm not the only one with this problem, although I wouldn't wish it on anyone =/. sophandbob, I think you are right about the fear thing. I have told MIl many times that I believe God loves us all and would never allow a child to go to hell or the like. I personally don't even believe in hell. I have tried to tell her many times that we are not Catholics and that I have different beliefs than her and she listens, but I can tell that she's scared. I feel bad for her living in fear that way, but I am still not going to do something that neither dh or I want to do just because she is fearful. I suppose I will just try to keep on explaining to her what my beliefs are.


olhdw101 - February 18

My mother pulled the same thing when I had my first daughter. I was raised Catholic (not by choice), my mother kept saying “she won’t go to heaven if you don’t baptize her” ….I told her that I don’t believe there is a god or heaven for that matter and until she can prove me wrong then I don’t want to have this conversation. She was extremely upset but eventually got over it. YOUR child YOUR choice…..Good Luck!


Keli - February 18

I'm sure god will accept a baby or child that has not sinned, into heaven. That is my opinion. We are waiting to have our baby baptized till this summer. My hubbys uncle is a priest, so we are going to fly to CA and have him do it. We were both raised catholic, but we are not "currently practicing" I think its wrong for your MIL to try and bribe you to have her baptized. Tell her that you acknowledge her religous opinions, but they are not yours. She had her chance to raise her kids, and now its yours. Tell her you refuse to discuss it anylonger, since you both know how eachother feel. Agree to just disagree.


punkin01 - February 18

keli i agree with you in a way and trust me i am not trying to argue with you i promise but i think god would allow babies and children( and i mean very young children) in because they dont realize what a sin is and how to ask for forgiveness for that sin and any way how could a baby commit a sin?????? and like someone said earlier what about those still born or the miscarriages ??? or that only live a short time do you think god will send them to hell??? i dont want to beleive that my god would do that.......


Kena - February 18

LollyM, Kudos to you for being so brave to admit that your husband is Atheist. It's a hard thing to do b/c a lot of people can accept that you are any religion but can't accept that someone is Atheist. I myself am Agnostic so I totally understand what you are going through. I let my little boy go to church with his aunt if he wants b/c I want him to be able to make an informed decision when that time comes. But he will not be forced either way. Honestly it is one of the hardest decision that he will ever make. It would be so easy to just go along with everyone else. I know how pushy people can be when it comes to religion but stand your ground.


LollyM - February 19

thanks for the support everyone =) My God certainly isn't cruel and going to let babies suffer. If he was willing to do that, then he wouldn't be a God at all. I think MIL's main problem is that she thinks all people are BORN with sin so they must be baptized in order to be pure. I have no problem agreeing to disagree with her. I don't agree with allot of the Catholic faith, but I have no problem with people being Catholic. I respect the fact that we all have a choice and I don't think that any religion is necessarily wrong, I just wish that MIL would respect my and dh's choices as well, ya know? Kena, It did take me a while to accept the fact that DH is Atheist, but only because he is depressed. For the longest time, I tried to help him see how wonderful it is to have God as a part of your life and that faith can deff. help mange stress etc. but he would have none of it. I just want DH to be happy and if he was happy being Atheist than I wouldn't bug him, but the fact that he is unhappy with life makes me feel like something needs to change. I wouldn't give up the feeling I get when I have a little chat with God each day for anything =) Although, I wish I could help DH have that feeling as well, I had to realize at some point that he must find his own path to God and that bugging him will only annoy him and push him further away. I'm sure his mother feels panicked about this as well which is too bad I think. Personally, I think that God believes in all of us since we are ALL a part of God. If we went to hell and we are a part of God, then wouldn't God be suffering as well? If God is the most powerful and loving/forgiving being in all of existence than why would he allow such suffering to those who loose the way and are in most need of God's grace? This is why I do not believe in hell or sin. These are just my opinions though, but I am happy with them and that is all that matters in my book. I think that because we are each a different part of God, we each find grace in a different way. I really wish MIL would accept our differences... maybe I should just be straightforward with her about my beliefs and then tell her that the discussion is closed like some of you ladies have suggested. Thanks again =) And of course, God bless you all and your healthy families.


Emily - February 19

I was also rasied Catholic, DH was raised Christian. We had a Catholic wedding to make my mother happy, but only have attended Catholic church a handful of times since. I was baptised as a baby Catholic, but after I got married baptised Christian. We have not baptised our 2 dds as we feel it is their choice to make when they are old enough. My mother pushes also. she has said stuff like we would have gotten this or that if we would have had the girls baptised. My mother watches my girls while my husbby and I work. I asked her when our first was born if she wanted us to pay her and my dad said absolutley not. Well my mom later said he answered too soon casue she was going to say she wanted them baptised. she is not worried that if the unthinkable happens they will not enter heaven, but she just wants them baptised. She is not quite as direct as your mil but she does bring it up here and there, managing to work it in whenever. I just kinda grin and bare it......I am sorry she is acting this way. I hope it does not effect the way she treats your dd as I know my mom does not treat my dd any differently. I hope she can learn to respect your choice.


AnytimeLittleone - February 19

Good for you Lolly! Definately stand up for your own beliefs, and what you think is best for Ava... The same thing happened in my household, and when we agreed to get Evangeline baptised, the church refused to do it, as we had not been to church enough (well duh people, Ive been horrbly pregnant, and now have a screaming baby). Do things on your own accord, it'll be better in the long run.


kris313 - February 19

I don't know if this would make your MIL feel better, but when we went to baptism cla__ses the priest said they no longer say that unbaptized babies won't go to heaven. Evidently that was one of the many changes as a result of Vatican II. I know a lot of the old school Catholics have a hard time with the new ways though because its not what they were taught. Your MIL is probably secretly hoping that if she can convince you to get her baptized then she can convince you to do the rest as well - first communion, confirmation, etc. You should ask her if she would honestly be content if you just baptized her and that was it.


LollyM - February 19

Hey again. Emily, Mil is also upset that we didn't get married in the Catholic church and not on a Sunday either! I know it's hard for her to accept how different I am than her family when it comes to allot of things. I hope that she doesn't treat dd differently either, especially if SIL gets her lo baptized. Anytime, that's strange that they wouldn't let you baptize lo. I have never been to a Catholic church so I doubt they would even let us baptize Ava if we waned to! kris, I will tell MIL about that. Hopefully it will help a little! And you're right, she would probably keep pushing it especially because you have to make a promise to the church. I am not about to lie to anyone, let alone a priest!


Smilefull - February 19

Ha, Lolly, you're right, you're having some crazy MIL trouble too. It's your baby you get to decide. My daughter just got baptised so I know all about the religious stuff, but it's YOUR choice---baptism is YOU saying you will raise the child a certain way, it's not for the baby---so it's obviously not your choice--why would your MIL insist? I know it's easier said than done but could you ignore her? Or just laugh it off?---maybe not argue with her, or make a big discussion out of it, but just saying "No, we decided not to baptise her"---if she keeps going just keep repeating yourself---if she can drill you, might as well drill back?? I'm so sorry to hear Lolly, they can be so infuriating---I feel your pain!!


shelly - February 19

oh god lolly ,thats awful i cant get over that mil went to see if she could get ava baptised without your consent, i would be mad as hell as well stick to your guns,your doing the right thing, dh and i am both catholic and we have now[secretly] both decided not to get dh baptised for the time being because his family are a nightmare and if one was left out or not chosen to be godparents we would be dragged around town on a cart lol[god forbid that i would want to have any of my family to be godparents] i am converted catholic from the church of england,i converted when got together with dh we are not really that good at going to church,we are partimers lol but his family dont go either and they are only catholic when it suits them. but to save a war we decided against baptism for the moment. good luck lolly dont let her get you down. by the way ava is a totally gorgeous name.


LollyM - February 19

smilefull, I have tried ignoring her, smiling and saying nothing, just saying no, Telling her that we want Ava to choose and aanything else you can think of! At first, I thought that If I ignored it long enough, she would stop, but it has been 9 months and she's still at it! I haven't sat down with her and had a real conversation about it though, because I hate arguing about religion so I never wanted to start a fight, but I think that might be my only choice at this point! The hard thing is that Dh absolutely REFUSES to talk about religion with me OR his mother, so it is me against her. I wish the three of us could sit down and Dh and I could tell MIL that it's not happening together, but I don't see that happening ever. I don't want her to think that I am making this decision on my own without dh's input since she raised him Catholic, but he doesn't want to baptize her either because he thinks it's pointless and he doesn't like church. He could care less about teaching Ava about religion. This makes things tough, and it leaves it up to me to teach her about God. The good thing about dh having no stance on religion, however, is that at least we don't argue about it or anything like that! He does go to church with me when I want to go though, which is a nice thing to do especially since he hates it. I always tell him that he doesn't have to go, but he is kind of like a child, and always wants to be around me lol. Shelly, thanks =) I love the name Ava too, that's why I picked it! lol It's too bad that his fam takes things so personally that you can't even baptize your child! Wouldn't it be a wonderful world if everyone just respected other people's choices and stopped acting like a bunch of freaks?! lol I was soo mad when I found out that MIL asked if she could do it without out permission! She told us afterward which is how I found out. I have no clue why she told us that she did that, I mean, didn't she expect us to be mad? Maybe she just likes the drama lol



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