OT Old Female Friend Called My Hubby

84 Replies
k.p.j.e. - January 28

Hi there Kara. I hope you aren't getting too paranoid...just me, but it sounds like he is pretty trustworthy right? My only advice is DON'T do anything secretly. Keep everything out in the open. At least it will be easier for you to not obsess about it if you aren't having to be sneaky. I'm not saying you are doing anything wrong or anything but even thoug she is gorgeous (annoying!) he obviously loves you.

 

EMBERBABY - January 28

Definitely hear the message if possible Kara, hearing her message and your female intuition will let you know what you need to do. I agree with keli saying that "nothing is going on" but that's the way you want to keep it =0}

 

ash2 - January 28

I hope he didnt delete the message...ahhhh, i remember when this girl started calling him alot and texting him alot and i had to put an end to it right away even if they were only friends. He was male, she was female, and that was all that mattered to me. A married man need not have " friend girls " that are not mutaul and a girl need not have " friend boys " of the same.

 

jb - January 28

I guess I am the only one to say this, but where is the trust in your relationship? When you told him you never shared things well, so she will need to find someone elses shoulder to cry on, that should be the end of it. Marriage is suppose to be built with trust, why take that away now by sneaking behind his back to listen to his voicemail and not giving him the credit he deserves. Have a good talk with him when he gets home, let him know that this is still bugging you. Communicate with him!!! Guys are dumb, they don't know how we feel and how much things get to us until we b__w everything out of proportion and end up in a nasty fight!!!!

 

mommytom - January 28

jb-you're right wahat you're saying, but its always easier for an outsider to say that. If Kara is upset about this phonecall that an old ff made to her dh, then she has every right to, especially considering her status right now. her dh may not be thinking anything at all right now, but this ff may definetely have intentions... and she has no right to destroy Kara's life. I say take it cautiously, but definetely keep your finger on his pulse lol.

 

mommytom - January 28

considering her status* i meant considering FF's status-divorced

 

sophandbob - January 28

I think that seeing as you have met her, and got on well with her, it would be reasonable for you to phone her and say what you were gonna e mail her. Something along the lines of hubby suggested I called you seeing as he's not good at giving advise. This will also hopefully be a hint for her not to phone him again - seeing as you've told her he can't give advise. give her ypour mobile number and say "but you can call me a chat to meif you want" that way if she calls hubby again, you know she might be trying to stir things a little.

 

Kara H. - January 28

He didn't delete the message. She said something like, "Hi, this is Tonya! My brother said he saw you. I don't know if he told you, but I am selling my house. I know that you had said that you liked it. If you and your little wife are interested in looking in to buying it, call me. But even if your not, call me." Now, I'm feeling a little hostile towards hubby for calling her back, but he is so clueless about how women are. I'm sure he called her back to tell her about their cla__smate (it was a private school and there were only 29 students in his graduating cla__s). But he shouldn't have without talking to me first. We will definitely be speaking about this over dinner. And yes, I got her number and I will calling her for a cup of coffee (as I figuratively mark my terratory)

 

Kara H. - January 28

jb - please refer to the first line of my original post. Everyday I meet women who talk about their undying trust in their husbands and how they don't need to check up on them or question any of their actions. And sooner or later, the large majority of them will end up finding out about adultery - and some of them will stay with their husbands. They say its for the childrends sake, but its really because they don't want to give up the lifestyle that the are accustomed to. I certainly wouldn't sell my soul for a land rover and a big house!

 

Bonnie - January 28

You and your "little wife"??

 

mandee25 - January 28

Sorry Kara H. but I do not like this Tonya girl one bit. I agree that married people do not need friends of the opposite s_x. If this happened to me I would nip it in the bud immediately but make sure I tell hubby how I feel about the whole thing. Old ff's suck! Good luck and hopefully the old hag will disappear from your lives.

 

Kara H. - January 28

Bonnie - Yeah what's that about? Did I mention I was 4 wks pp when I met her at the party. I wasn't feeling/looking too little at the time, so it can't be meant in the physical sense...

 

vicky9989 - January 28

i think she sounds a quite fishy. ive had something like this before and i watched over my bf's phone like a hawk, when she texted him, i would delete the message so he wouldnt text back and she would think he was ignoring her. He hasnt heard from her since. i would seriously think about hiding his phone for the day! but im a sneeky women..!x

 

Kara H. - January 28

I have vented a lot to you ladies, but I have actually not said too much to hubby since I was choosing my words carefully. I was fixing lunch and hubby meandered into the kitchen. We had not discussed the whole sitation since yesterday when I said she would need to find another shoulder to lean on. So as he was munching as I was cooking I just said casually, that he had not done anything wrong, but it's not really appropriate for either of us to have phone conversations with members of the opposite s_x. He said he agreed and that all she had said was that she wanted to know if we were interested in their house. He called her back to tell her no, we weren't interesed and to tell her about the paralyzed cla__smate. He said I could listen to the message if I wanted to. So I said yes I would (i didn't disclose that I had already heard it). After I listened to it, I said I would prefer if he didn't call her about Josh or anything else without me present so there is no miscommunitcations. He said we would feel the same way. I told him I thought I would call her for coffee. He said he didn't think that was necessary, but I said that I insisted since us girls need to stick together ;} He went on to tell me that when he was talk to her brother, they talked about how hard the first two years of marriage is and how people give up too soon. (she had only been married a year - this time). He said that they both agreed that married life means learning how to bend and not break during arguments. So I think I will still call her monday for coffee and as long as nothing else happens, I am not going bring it up again. If she does call again, then I may have to let hubby know that I am really serious nipping this in the bud, but I see no reason to brow beat him as long as this ends here.

 

jillianT - January 28

um yeah... i don't think i care for her tone in the message she left. i've been through situations really similar to this one and i know it's hard to make your point w/out coming off like the crazy jealous wife...it sounds like your husband is like most (totally clueless when it comes to how women can be sometimes)... i bet she's trying to us your dh and her "relationship" with him as a way of hurting her ex. it doesn't sound like your hubby meant any harm by calling her back, but at this point, you've put him on notice and he knows what you expect from him. as for her, i'd definately keep your coffee date with her and when you sit down to chat i'd explain in no uncertain terms how she is to behave regarding your husband in the future. sounds like you've got a good hubby...SHE'S the one i wouldn't trust. good luck hon.

 

jillianT - January 28

would you believe that i've actually put off dieting after dd was born because i know that the first thing to go will be my b___bs. bye bye full b___bies and hello flapjacks. UGH!! i hate them. i will definately get them lifted if i can ever afford it.

 

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