OT Hubby Dilemma

84 Replies
CassJ - March 1

My husband loves football and is always on this forum website for his favorite team. One of the forums is an all naked girl picture page. NOTHING to do with football. Well we talked about it and I finally got it out of him that he has looked at that forum 3 times. I was PISSED! I think p___n is totally nasty and I feel like if he is looking at other naked women, he is cheating on me. Well, my dilemma is that he loves that website and has promised not to look at that naked girl forum ever again but now I dont trust him. He is on it after I go to bed and I dont know if I should tell him that I dont want him on that site at all or just trust that he wont look at that forum again. What do you think?


SonyaM - March 1

Well, that's a tough one considering your beliefs. Personally I don't see it as cheating and I am not toally against p___n. Having said that I think the more you try to "ban" the site the more he will want to do it. Men can be like children and if he isn't supposed to look at something it makes it that much more interesting. Maybe you could come to a compromise instead of banning it all together. Like for instance only viewing that site when you are with him, that way you don't feel like he's doing it behind your back. Good luck.


Steph - March 1

I totally agree with SonyaM. My dh looks at p___n occasionally, and it doesn't bother me in the least. I know that he's happy in his marriage with me, so I don't really care. I'm kind of a jerk I suppose, because if he knew it bothered me and he still kept doing it....I'd look at "man p___n" and see how he felt about it. Sometimes when the tables are turned, it makes them think a bit.


in the woods - March 1

It's all how you personally feel. If you feel being cheated, your feelings are valid. If for someone p___n is OK - do not think that you are a freak. It's about your personal comfort boundaries. Your dh and you ideally should find a compromise as in any situation where either of your's boundaries are being violated.


aurorabunny - March 1

I totally agree with Sonya here....but I also aGree with in the woods that your feelings should be taken into consideration since it is your husband. My grandma used to have some saying that I can't quite remember now.....something about it doesn't matter where he shops for food as long as he eats at home, LOL I probably screwed that up, but you get my drift. That's just MO.


Allie - March 1

This is always a hard one. My husband has one site he likes to look at - he is adamant that it isn't p___n, it's "art" - I disagree. I used to get so angry if I even thought he might be looking at a sight like that or a playboy, etc...I still occasionally become insecure about it, but we have talked about it, and I have my ok for him to view when I am not around...and he looks SO MUCH LESS now than he used to...it's like the fact that it is not forbidden makes it less attractive to him. I also explained to him that I am only ok with him looking as long as I am getting everything I need (emotionally and physically) - and he seemed to really take that to heart. (The first time we "discussed" I was yelling and a wreck, it didn't go so well. The next time I was calm, and just explained that it made me insecure, and it went much better.)


Ca__sJ - March 1

I am really surprised that a lot of you are okay with your hubbies looking at p___n. Just thinking about my husband getting off looking at someone else and thinking about having s_x with THEM makes me want to throw up. I am not extremely insecure, I think that I am pretty but obviously I dont measure up to p___n star girls. ANYWAY, What about the website? It is so easily accessable on it. Should I tell him not to get on it unless I'm with him or trust that he can resist?


Steph - March 1

What do you mean trust him on it? If he's just looking at pictures, then that's one thing...but p___n chatting on the net and p___n chatting via phone are totally different. I'd tell him that you only feel comftorable with him looking at the site when your around, and you expect him to respect your POV.


LollyM - March 2

Hmm... well, maybe tell him that it really hurts your feelings for him to look at that stuff and you would appreciate it if he didn't go on the site, but if he must, you would like to go on it with him to see what it is about. Dh and I are having a similar problem because he and his bf want to take bf's dad to a strip club for his retirement... I am really NOT ok with it but I think dh is going to do it anyway *sigh*. I just can't stand the thought of A) him looking at another woman dance naked right there in front of him, and B) those dirty strippers who try to give a little extra to get a little extra if you know what I mean... DH is a handsome guy and I have enough trouble fending off the general population let alone some stripper who wants an extra tip! I mean, If he wants to spend money on naked chicks, then why doesn't he just give me some cash and I'll go shopping! We don't have much extra money anyway and for him to spend it on another woman just aggravates me so much! Sorry.... didn't mean to take over your thread! Good luck with dh and remember, don't let him do anything that you will be resentful about. I'm sure you respect his wishes and he should do the same for you.


BaileysMummy - March 2

I think you just need to trust him when he says he won't look at it again. I think it would be totally unreasonable to ban him from the forum he loves, he's not a child. I wouldn't mind if it was my partner, it's not a big deal, I know he loves me and only sees p___n stars as whores. I understand it upsets you, I would let him know that and put some trust in him. It is only a web site, I think if you make a big fuss about it and ban him, he may find it more appealing.


rl- - March 2

I am sorry looking at a picture is NOT cheating and for men it really is normal they enjoy it and I think your wrong for acting that way to him and you are gonna put him in a position to sneak and look. My dh has a collection of Hustler mags and instead of getting mad at him I don't mind so much I also look thru them from time to time not so much for the pics cause I am not in to girls but they do have good articles and I know it sorta turns him on when I do this even though I don't check the girls out I give him the impression I am LOL there is no harm in a picture really if you think about it just give the guy a break come on just cause you don't like it don't take it out on him he is after all just being a man and he is at home when he is looking it is not like he is out at a strip club or something.


jas - March 2

I am with Baileysmummy on this. Who are you to tell an adult what he can and cannot look at? You can tell him how you feel about it, but ban him? wow... Not allowed to look at it unless you are there? wow... Trust goes out the window. What is a marrage without trust? wow... I don't have any problem with my dh looking - it's no different them gettig a sub to Playboy... IMO... You didn't say he was talking to these ladies - only looking. If you act like his mother instead of a marrage PARTNER, then things will go downhill.


EricaG - March 2

Well, I see that I am going against the ma__ses in this one, lol. with my husband he is not allowed to look at p___n or anything with scantily clad women in it, he turns his head away from victoria's secret commercials or anything of the sort. We don't watch movies with any type of nudity in it. Of course this goes the other way too, I don't lust after other men. For us this isn't an issue of trust, Matt and I are both Bible-abiding Christians and one pa__sage is:"You have heard that the law of Moses says, 'Do not commit adultery.' But I say, anyone who even looks at a woman with lust in his eye has already committed adultery with her in his heart. So if your eye - even if it is your good eye - causes you to lust, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell." Now, I understand that not everyone on here is Christian but this is why WE don't believe that p___n or a straying eye is acceptable. My husband may look while I'm not around, I hope he doesn't , but if he does then that is between him and God and is roadblock to his own salvation. BTW my husband has a very healthy appet_te and we have s_x 4-6 times a week, so it's not as if he doesn't have s_xual desires. I'm also very open to new stuff and he has a stash of p___n, but it's all pictures of me, lol, I'm also a pretty good looking woman, If I do say so myself, so I don't see why he would need to look anywhere else.


EricaG - March 2

so in answer to your question Ca__sJ I would tell my husband that if he ever looks at that forum again then we'll get some counseling and if that doesn't work then good-bye.


snugglybugglys - March 2

I agree 100% with Erica, my husband is the same way, and he doesn't want to look at it anymore. See the thing is, is in his heart he might really not want to look at it after he talked to you, but it's never a good idea to have something tempting in front of you. It's like a kid that needs to eat dinner first, but has a big chocolate cake sitting in front of him. I presonally think cheating visually, in your heart...whatever, you might as well be doing it. There is no need to look at some skanky women, when you are married. I think it's gross even if you are single. I do the same thing too Erica...that way if he ever does have that desire for something visual, he has it, and it's me.


rl- - March 2

you know men are very not like us they enjoy looking at the female body it turns them on and you ladies acting like your men are cheating on you are really being silly they can not cheat in their hearts or anything with a picture no if ands or buts about it and trying to make them do what you want cause you don't like it is just well not right sorry I don't mind my dh looking. I think the reason why you don't want your men looking is cause you are not secure with your own bodies so what your body is not perfect your dh still loves you I guess that is why I don't care if my dh looks he always makes me feel s_xy and pretty and no my body may not be a perfect 10 but in his eyes it is and he looks at mags and the women in them are perfect with large b___bs and not a flaw anywhere but as long as he is home with me and not running around trying to find these women who cares I just think by trying to make your dh stay away from it you are gonna end up having problems in the future men are gonna be men that is how they are wired very visual beings they are and there is nothing you can do about it bottom line.


snugglybugglys - March 2

I don't make my dh stay away from it, he just doesn't want to. I think it's sad how many people are so nonchelant about it. I turn my husband on...that's enough.



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