OT Hubby Said I M Heartless

16 Replies
Kara H. - January 21

Hubby and I are actually in an argument over a discussion about a couple we know. This couple's baby died while I was still in the hosptial after having Max. It was July and we were having a heat wave with 95 degree days with 100% humidity. This couple had put a window fan in the window directly above their 4 month old baby's crib. The fan fell, the baby died. We both couldn't sleep for a night or two thinking about it and had said how horrible and guilt ridden the couple must be. Anyway a month or so later we were talking to hubby's parents who had spoken to the couples parents. The couple said that they were coping fairly well since the whole situation was out of their control and that God hand decided to call their baby home. I bit my tongue, but I thought God was getting a bum rap for this one. Anyway 6 months later, the couple went on vacation, the hubby dove headfirst into shallow water and may be permanantly paralyzed. Once again, they are explaining it as God is testing their faith. I kept my mouth shut until the inlaws were gone, then I spoke my mind about the situation. I think this falls under the catagory of freel will. God did not make those things happen. Their free will to make those choices caused those things to happen, but God will give them the strength to get thru them. My hubby looked horrified and said that I was heartless and couldn't believe that I would talk about somebody like that. So now I am mad at him for being mad at me for stating my feelings on this couples misfortune. Am I completely out of line stating my feelins on this in the privacy of my home or even feeling that way in the first place?


Brittany - January 21

You know what? I would have said the same thing as you. I guess I speak my mind a little too much but our opinion is what makes us unique. I give you credit for holding it in so long, I can't bite my tongue when something is on my mind. That is soooo very unfortunate for so much to happen to that family though, maybe thats why your hubby feels that way, he probably sympathizes for them. BUT every action in this world has a consequence or significance. I do try to put everything that happens in my life in God's hands but I don't put things that could fall above my kids beds or dive into shallow water. Maybe the couple wasn't thinking things through. I don't want to get too far into this but you should be able to be open with your hubby and speak whats on your mind. Maybe go back to him and talk with him so you can get this little fight past you. I hope you feel better!


Brittany - January 21

And yes, God will give them the strength to get through, God only gives us as much as we can handle, I hope the couple can cope. I couldn't imagine going through everything they've gone through.


Keli - January 21

No, I don't think you are wrong. He needs to understand, everyone has a right to their own opinion and feelings. Agree to disagree. That is very sad for the couple.


Lisastar9 - January 21

I had to reread what you ment,and yes I agree with you. They made a choice to put the fan up against the window,and as to why the father drove into shallow water is beyond me. Everyone is in God's plan whether they live,believe in him or not. God does have a purpose for our lives. Sometimes circ_mstances happen,to which our lives are cut short. Yes some may call it bad decisions while other call it a testing ground to make our faith stronger. Just because you said the things you said doesn't make you a heartless person,you still feel their pain in having those tragedy in their life.


Kara H. - January 21

I felt sick when I heard about their baby - I still do feel sick about it. I know we all have lapses in judgement from time to time. I know I would never forgive myself if I made a decision that caused harm to my baby, but I wouldn't judt say it was fate. One could argue fate in the case of getting hit by a drunk driver or fatal illness. But if you put your child or yourself in harm's way, it wasn't fate. I think hubby thinks I am "asking" for something bad to happen to us by making the statement I made.


Bonnie - January 21

I agree. But then again, I am not religous. However, I can understand why they would say that. I can't even imagine the horror they have been through. I say, anything that helps their mind deal with it, is a good thing.


jg - January 22

God is a god of LOVE. What kind of a God do people think He is, to say that He would kill a baby, paralize a man, etc etc........the Bible says that "time and unforseen occurance befalls them all", simply being in the wrong place, at the wrong time. So I'm with you Kara......the couple's free will, the choices that they made are what were ultimately responsible for the end result. This sounds heartless, but who would put a heavy object above a babys head, no matter how stable they thought it was?......And aren't we warned continually about the dangers of diving into shallow water? The situations could just as easily have been avoided, and to blame God for those things, even to say that GOD is testing their faith by MAKING these things happen, is totally against what the Bible says.


aurorabunny - January 22

I agree with Bonnie all the way on this one. It's not horrible for you to think that, but I can't say that if I was them that I might not be hating God and blaming him or myself or anyone else I could think of to blame. I just can not imagine (and never want to) the range of emotion and grief one would experience not only with losing a baby but with that other accident added on top of it. I'd say any possible little thing that could bring them comfort is a good thing.


Rabbits07 - January 22

You certainly aren't out of line for stating your own feelings in your own home and I don't think what you said was heartless either. Going to the couple and to their face and saying, "It's your own fault this all happened" would be heartless (imo), but stating that you feel it was free will is not heartless.


sahmof3 - January 22

I don't think it was heartless, either. Sometimes freak things happen, but sometimes people unintentonally do dumb things that make bad situations happen. I've often wondered how God decides which accidents He will save a person from and which he won't... I mean I believe God had the power to save those people's baby, but chose not to for some reason, but the accident itself... no, I don't think God's responsible for that! And I don't think it's heartless to say that in your home. If it were a situation where you said it knowing it would get back to them it would be, but not in the privacy of your home.


ash2 - January 22

God gives us LOTS of things...and one of those things is a brain ! Do people expect to step out in front of a car and think " god will save them "? Of course not. He gives us knowledge to make our own choices. It is up to us to decide which choices to make. Putting a fan up in a window above a baby's crib is not thinking....


sophandbob - January 22

I think it is fair enough for you to disagree with them, but maybe thinking that is the only way they can cope with what has happened to them. The guilt they must have felt would be over powering - maybe by shifting it that is the only way theycan dealt with it.


Brandi - January 26

I know this is kinda old but I just ran across it. I agree with you Kara. My personal faith has led me to believe that God does not "take" anyone away of cause bad things to happen. It actually upsets me to hear people blame God for the death of a loved one. I feel he is a God of love and is just as hurt over that death as anyone. Why would God take one persons baby and not anothers? It just doesn't make sense. Atleast I have never seen that in the bible, but I think people need to justify their pain to get through it. It's just sad because alot of people spend time being angry at God or hating him for what happened when they could be gaining strength from him. I know it's not a religious forum, that's just my thoughts.


rl- - January 26

my question is who do atheists blame these things on they don't believe in God right?!...... sometimes it makes people feel better to say "It was God's will" or "God called them home to be with him" does not mean that is what really happened but it sounds alot better then the actual truth does know what I mean.


piratesmermaid - January 26

I agree with both bonnie and jg. Just as I believe God helps those who help themselves. And Kara, you are not heartless. I hope you and your hubby were able to talk this out and things are better. I do feel for that family though, what has happened to them does seem, for lack of a better word, freakish.


Hana - January 26

Oh poor couple. I do hate people blaming God on everything too. Whenever i stress the importance of proper car seat strapping my mother tells me if anything is meant to be its meant to be, but i always tell her that we can cross a busy road without looking and die and that was meant to be...but only its not, and it was our carelessness not fate or God. We need to a__sume responsbility for our own actions. My ex MIL used to say that our break up was God's will...no it bloody isn't, it was her son's fault and they wanna blame it on God even when he a__sumed responsbility for our problems lol



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