OT My Childless Friend Is Avoiding Me

8 Replies
mommytom - January 23

This is really upsetting me. I have a best friend since we've been in Kindergarten and she has been ttc for 3 years with no luck. She never speaks about it, and I dont want to upset her by broaching the subject. My ds is 6 months nearly and the last few times I've called her she always tells me shes busy or is on her way out. I call her specially so she wont think ive forgotten about her now that i have a baby, but shes always avoiding me now. can anyone give me opinions...


SuzieQ - January 23

I can understand where she's coming from. I m/c's twice and it was so hard to visit my nephew (he was 5 or 6 mos old). It would've been much easier to not see him, but it was a holiday, so I had to. Give her space, and let her know you are there when she's ready.


mommytom - January 23

do i just stop calling her all together? i want to show im still the same person even though i have a baby


sahmof3 - January 23

I was the same way as SuzieQ after my m/c (my 1st pregnancy). When friends and family would turn up pregnant I would think, "What is so special about you?" I didn't want to be that way about it, but I couldn't be around pregnant people and babies. It was too hard. I agree with Suzie's statement, "Give her space and let her know you are there when she's ready."


Shea - January 23

I had a friend that was like that too, but she was not that close of a friend, a neighbor actually. At first I didn't know what to think, but now I have just moved on. We had been close at one point, and it was the first time in 12 yrs of marriage that dh and I had couples friends. But really, the whold set of them we were hanging out with was childless, over 35 (I was the youngest at 34) and when I turned up pregnant it was like I was a freak. This particular friend had ttc for years and did all sorts of fertillity, so it was not even like it was a choice not to have kids for her. Most of the rest had kids, but were either divorced or their kids were grown. It was really hard also because we had so much in common, and it was like everything was shut off when we told them we were pg. We tried to b__w if off, but we were going to move anyway for more room (we were in a 2 br condo), and so we really didn't try to keep in touch after that. I tell myself that our lifestyles don't match anymore, so what would be the point...but it still hurts a little. Sorry for my ramblings, but I guess I what I want to say is that if she never ends up with kids, it may be a sore spot for her for years to come. Some people are ok w/o kids, I like to think that I was, I always figured that if God meant me to have them, it would happen, but of course it's easy to say now that I have one.


ssmith - January 23

OMG....I don't know her, but I already feel SO badly for her! She's been trying to get pregnant for 3 YEARS!! Ugh, she must be totally heartbroken. The fact that you have a baby must be really hard for her to accept, knowing how desperately she must want a child of her own. If you guys are such good friends, I would sit down and have a serious chat about what has been going on. Tell her how you are feeling....you miss her friendship, you don't want to lose the connection you guys have maintained since kindergarten etc etc. If you need to bring up the baby-issue, then do it. She might get upset....but sometimes we need to deal with our demons in order to get pa__sed them. It would seem to me that she is just really sad, and probably find sit hard to be around you or talk to you, knowing that you have the one thing that she wants more than anything else in the world right now.....a baby.


mcatherine - January 23

But you aren't the same person, mommytom - you're a mother. She isn't. Unless you have ever experienced that feeling of desperation, you can't understand it. Although I had a son, it took us a very long time to have another child (about 8 years) and my friends, sister, and sil's were having babies left and right. It was heartbreaking to see their babies, to hear the endless stories how how cute this or that was or the words "Do you want to hold him?". The endless email pictures of first this or milestone that. I kept away from people that had babies for years. I missed family and social functions because I hated the stories and I hated to hear other people ask the newest mother about pregnancy, labor, deilivery, ect... I certainly hated when people asked me if we were thinking about another/what's taking so long...blah blah blah. I couldn't even walk past the baby section in any store! One day, I got a card in the mail from one of my closest friends. All it said was "I miss you. Please call me" So, I did. We ended up ging out for dinner and I could tell how hard she tried not to mention her 6 month old son. It meant a lot to me to hear the words How are you doing, do you want to talk, is there anything I can do to help you? None of that bs - it will happen when it's time, maybe you don't need another child, God is waiting for the perfect baby... She let me talk, she let me cry. That night she was not a mother, she was simply my friend and that was what I needed at the time. I ended up seeing just how much I missed and needed her, too. But, if you reach out and she makes it perfectly clear that she can't be your friend, I would back off and stop calling. If you ever hear she is expecting - then make sure you reach out to say congratulations - even if you haven't talked in a while.


mommytom - January 23

mcatherine-that was so touching. im going to try calling her again tomorrow and tell her that I am always here if she needs me. Thanks for encouraging me. Sometimes, one just doesnt know what to say. I guess not saying anything is worse...


rl- - January 23

well I can sorta relate my sil which I love just like she was my sister went thru something like that with me...she first of all thought she would be the one to get married before her brother well he got married to me first she is still single and then when she found out I was prego she sorta avoided me and when I would see her and wanted to show off my sono pic of the baby she would barly look and just walk off she never wanted to talk about it then finally after a few months she came to me and told me that she had been feeling jelouse of her brother he found someone first and now he was having a baby and she resented that but she realized what she was doing and has changed alot she LOVES our ds and wants to spend lots of time with him and has realized that she will find someone one day and maybe have kids so maybe you should talk to your friend just tell her you need to clear the air and if you have been best friends for that long you can work it out.....good luck



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