OT OK I Just Gotta Know Dh Mentioned

28 Replies
Emy - February 20

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- My dh, who is really trying hard to be as supportive as he can be insists that it is normal for new dads who have to return to work to sleep in a different bedroom. All my friends who have had babies never mentioned this, and although they were the ones getting up for feedings, their dh was still sleeping in the matrimonial bed. Well, my dh is in the guest bedroom Monday - Friday. He watched our dd until about midnight (when he goes to bed) so I can go lie down until the next feeding, and then he brings her up in her basinette in the bedroom and off he goes to the guest room until the following morning. I hate that he is not there at night, but I totally understand that since he has to work he wants to get a full night's sleep. But I just have to know, is he right when he says this is what "most guys do"?


j - February 20

NO. I would absolutely kill my dh if he weren't there beside me.


Jenn - February 20

NO WAY! I can understand if there is a special circ_mstance-maybe he flies airplanes or something-but if my hub didn't sleep in the same bed as me that would make me sad-a baby is something that you do together-maybe the mom gets up at night more of course-but sleep in a different room? Why so he is not disturbed? My hub use to wake up in the night with me and I would nurse and we would just sit quietly till our son went back to sleep. I have not known of anyone who does this, sorry.


KrisD - February 20

We did not do that - If anything, I would be the one to go to the guest bedroom after I stopped b___stfeeding (I have only slept in the guest room 2x though) but I have heard of a LOT of people that do that... I have a good friend that did it for 6 months and I have heard a few on the forum mention it. Just keep talking about it though, as things get a little more 'regular' with the baby, encourage him to come back in the room with you!


L...Hannah's Mom - February 20

Friends of mine did this. Their nursery was set up with a twin bed for mom. It worked out well for them since she was b___stfeeding and he was a light sleeper and held a demanding job. It was a temporary situation and everyone received a good nights sleep. My husband will sometimes use our guest room if he drinks any alcohol since we made the decision to co-sleep with our baby.


L....Hannah's Mom - February 20

Let me mention...my friend was a SAHM...if both parents are working...I would say..No Way...


Preggo - February 20

I'm glad you brought this up. I'm a SAHM and don't want to have to be separated from my husband but kind of think it might be selfish to stay in our bedroom with the baby since DH is the one working to provide for us. I've thought about a sleeping mask and ear plugs to aid him in sleep. Is this a good idea or silly?


Shea - February 20

My husband is the one that stays at home with our baby and I am the one who works...I still have to get up all night and feed the baby, then get up and go to work all day - I have a fairly demanding job. We are both in the room with the baby - generally I get up to feed the baby, and dh gets up to change diapers or to take ds out to the living room for a while if he doesnt go back to sleep right away. Taking care of a baby all day is a demanding job also, one that you need a full night's sleep for!


Selena - February 20

I am a SAHM and right now my husband and I are doing the same type of situation. He watches our daughter from 9:30 pm until Midnight and then brings her to me and heads off to bed. DH's job is very demanding and he needs a full nights rest and besides it is a temporary situation. I have to add that I am co-sleeping with my daughter so he also is worried he may squish her in the night as he tosses alot. I do miss sleeping with my husband but my daughter will only be little once while huibby and I will ahve a lifetime left to sleep together. We do not let this affect our intimacy as we make other times for our togetherness so there really aren't any hard feelings and I know that we are still as close as ever if not closer. To each his own I say.


Bonnie - February 20

I don't know if it is what most guys do, but I say you do whatever works. My DH and I rarely sleep togetehr right now (Mason is 4 weeks). Sometimes he is on the couch, sometimes I am (he works I do not). I really miss sleeping with him as well, but we both need to get rest at some point. And yes, a baby is a full time job but I can at least (though it rarely seems to work) make an attempt to nap with the baby. My Dh needs that sleep for is job. I wouldn;t be too hard on him, it's only temporary.


pbj - February 20

We did this in the beginning, mainly because my dh had to get up really early. On weekends or on days when he didn't need to be at work as early he would sleep with us. When my dd starting sleeping through the night (at 2mths), he now is back in our room every night. If it works for you then don't worry about it. I hated that my husband wasn't in our bed too, but it enabled him to take over when he got home and for me to get a little sleep in the evening...we didn't get to spend much time together in the beginning, but we were much more pleasant with one another because we each got a little sleep. I know some couples who both slept in the room with baby when he/she didn't sleep through the night yet...they constantly argued because neither of them were getting any sleep. I just say whatever works. Good Luck


Kel - February 20

I've never heard of that. I don't expect my dh to get up with the baby as he'll be working and I'll be off work, but I do expect him to be there in bed with me. Heck, he should be used to being woke up at all hours of the night from me tossing and turning and going to the bathroom so often!


Bonnie - February 20

For us it is not just that baby gets up in the night (I do the night feeds since DH works), but also because baby tosses and turns like crazy with all kinds of little squeeks and grunts. We were both heavy sleepers before, but now we sleep with one ear open. It must be a natural instinct I guess. But it is very difficult to get any real rest with baby in our room. I would have never thought my DH should sleep elsewhere, but now that baby is here I know he couldn't get a decent nights sleep until Mason can sleep through the night in his own bedroom. Sure I hate it, but it would be awful selfish of me to make him stay in the room for my benefit. Plus, I know it is temporary.


Kaeli - February 20

My boyfriend and I are doing this. He is a VERY heavy and noisy sleeper (LOUD snoring) I basically did this for my own sanity. I am much more alert since I had the baby and if I have my boyfriend snoring in my ear I wouldnt get any rest at all. Normally I would wear ear plugs, but I wont hear the baby cry with them in. Not to mention that he has a very physical and mentally demanding job. One slip up and it could put himself and others in harms way. Once I move the baby out of the cradle, we will go back to normal sleeping. And I will have a baby monitor. But even with this sleeping situation, we find plenty of together snuggle time. To me its a win - win situation.


Narcissus - February 20

It is perfectly normal for a lot of families. We did this at my suggestion bc my dh is a light sleeper and has a hard time falling back to sleep. I co-slept with our son and dh was in the guest room. Afterall, he did not have the luxury of napping like I did during the day. A good nights sleep was crucial for him to get by at work and to make money to feed the family. That's no insignificant responsibility. On the weekends, we stuck with the same scenario but he would wake up bright and early and take our son from my room and this allowed me to sleep in to my hearts content. The way I see it, someone in the house needs to have their head screwed on straight and it made ZERO sense to have two sleep deprived adults when the night feedings are a one person job and are very disruptive to anyone else in the same room. I notice that some women feel a need to punish the other parent just bc life is hard when getting used to a new baby. I think that it ultimately backfires bc you have one less sane person in the house if both of you are deprived of sleep.


Bonnie - February 20

Yes, Narcissus just wordedit a lot better than I did. I would LOVE to have my Dh with me in bed every night, and I do get quite lonely at this point. But he is also a light sleeper and I see no reason to make him suffer especially when I can at least make an attempt to nap with baby. It sounds terrible having DH in another room until baby comes and you are in the situation. My DH may not be stuck home with the crying baby all day, but he's out earning the money. The last thing I want is him to tired to work properly. Plus when he comes home he takes the baby and on weekends we sleep together. Mason is 4 weeks so I figure another 4-8 weeks and we can get back to normal, But I do look forward to our weekends. :)


MJM - February 20

NO WAY!!!!!!!!! This is probably the reason that I have my son in his crib in his own room. I did the same with my dd. I nursed her for a while and I would always feed her in her own room. My dh helps me on the weekends but now my son sleeps from 9pm until 4:30 am and 4:30 is when my dh gets up for work so he takes care of that feeding for me. You should not totally change your whole lifestyle.



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