Parenting Rules

20 Replies
mandee25 - March 9

Which things do you vow NOT to do concerning parenting that you believed your parents did wrong? Mine is that we never fight in front of Noah. My parents did that all the time and I don't care what anyone says, IMO that really affects a child and causes issues like anxiety and problems with control.


srigles - March 9

Much and all as I loved them for it at the time, my parents fought all my battles for me. (ie: Problems in school, issues with other kids, general day-to-day stuff, etc). Now at 31, I'm not comfortable with dealing with a lot of issues on my own. I'd like for Keegan to be able to be a little more self-confident than dh and I are, and feel comfortable about addressing his questions or concerns.


Mellissa - March 9

I completely agree with you. We never fight in front of the kids. Let's see... my parents did so much I want to NOT do. lol. I won't have more kids than I can afford, that's for sure! Also, I won't belittle my kids the way my dad did. I don't know how many times we heard "you're a worthless piece of sh** that won't amount to anything!!" boy was he surprised when i bought my first house... two years before he bought his first one! hehehehehe


eliz24 - March 9

Mine would be the yelling that went on in my house.I never want to yell around my dd,another one is the whole 'money issue' when I was young I was always made well aware that we weren't 'well off'' as far as money goes. I won't do that to my daughter, for one I am waaay better off financially now than I was when I was younger and being told you are too poor for this or that is a lot of stress to be under as a kid.


Bridget - March 9

Yes the arguing is one. Also, my DH and I weren't even going to have kids until we decided to try in our early 30's because of all the physical and emotional abuse we took. I don't know how you can do some of the brutal things to your own flesh and blood that was done to us.I can't even imagine seeing the hurt in my precious little boy's eyes if I told him he should have been an abortion, which is what my mother told me often.How and why would anyone hurt a child's tender feelings that way?Also, we want our son to know that he is important. He won't be spoiled by any means. He will show respect to others and have manners. I am certainly "over it" but I still remember the hurt when I would spend time making my mother something at school or at home and she would barely look at it and say mmhhmm and that was it. I didn't need applause but attention would have been nice. The belittling stuff was bad too, so none of that..I want my son to know that I mean it when I say that he can tell me anything and I'll still love him, no matter what, because I will,unconditionally.


EricaLynn - March 9

Well I have an excema type skin rash, and i used to be put to sleep in wet pajamas. I swear to never put my daughter to sleep in wet jammies!


luviduvi - March 9

I was a spoiled girl. Not a brat, but used to having everything. My parents had me when 8 years after my sister. I was like an only child. My parents never got along so well and they bought my love. I don't want my kids' love for a price. I want their love b/c they know I love them.


Erynn21 - March 9

Basically I want to be there, that's why I am going to stay home. I felt half starved for attention because my parents were broke and had to work all the time. I just want her to have her father and I involved and know we're here for her because we love her.


Wellis10 - March 9

I don't want to spoil my child, I want him to grow up with morals. Morals that he figured out on his own with alittle guidence. Not yelled at you that like " I told you you shouldn't have done that. You have cost me $X because you don't listen to me. I had everything done for me. My mother now tells me that I punish my child because I won't hold him to let him fall asleep. I recently had to tell her to back off rudely .....


sahmof3 - March 9

I don't want to pressure my kids to be perfect. My mom's a perfectionist. She put so much pressure on us, not to just do our best in school, athletics and music... but we had to be THE BEST... which, of course, no one can be in everything... we had to reflect well on her. If we did well she thought ppl thought she was a good parent, if we did poorly she thought ppl would think she was a bad parent. She worked tirelessly keeping a perfect house, perfect schedule, perfect image... but she was short-tempered with us when we wanted her attention because she was just too busy.


LollyM - March 10

First off, I am sorry to hear that so many have come form an abusive background, but I am glad to hear that you are all ending that cycle! I know about the challenges since dh comes from that background also. About the original topic, I will not have s_x in the same room as my children past the age of 6 months!!! unfortunately, I was traumatized this way as a child (7 YEARS is pretty old to be in the room while your parents have s_x!) I'm pretty sure they thought I was asleep though. Other than that, my parents were pretty good, aside from timeouts in my room. Not sure how effective that is... I think sitting on a chair is more of a punishment than hanging out in your room!


DeeJay - March 10

I have to start by saying my mom and dad were fantastic, that isn't bragging, just a nod to them. The only thing I would do different is when it comes to my dd self expression. My parents were very strict on what I wore, and no hair color, no crazy clothing, ect, (even though I snuck it out anyway!) but I think kids should be allowed to express themselves however they want. If my dd wants to color her hair or cut it short or crazy, whatever, she'll laugh at those pictures when she's older. I really hate kids having to wear uniforms or all be the same. I may not like her syle, but it is hers, and when you are a kid, you don't have alot that is just yours!!!


luviduvi - March 10

sahmof3---my mom was a perfectioist too, when it came to our looks. My mom has undiagnosed anorexia since she began having children 40 yrs ago so she has always given my and my 3 sisters a hard time about weight. My sisters and I are very athletic, to say the less, I have always been 5 4 130 Ibs...solid muscle (not any more =) ) and that was always too big. My mom was also the mother that would say "you don't want to stand next to that girl" or why can't you be more like your best friend" it was creepy. I am just glad I never gave up my bf, she's the best. the funny thing is, and this is not a brag, but my sisters and I are all very attractive. She just could never bring us down to her sick level I guess. I do love her deeply (my mom is dying of primary progressive multiple sclerosis) so I have let a lot of it dye down but I will never forget.........


falafal0 - March 10

My parents are still together after nearly 40 years of marriage, though they only have the same address in common. My Dad barely spoke to us, myself and four brothers, about anything other than cars or to speak sharply to us. One of my memories is finding lollies (candy) hidden in his clothes drawer and not allowed to have any - he was, and still is, very selfish. He even froze his favourite foods, salami and things like that, so we kids couldn't eat it quickly. We gave up after awhile. Mum did her best, but my oldest brother became totally wayward as a teen with drugs and b&e as well. Dad never did anything - he'd always leave things up to mum and with one son with severe down syndrome, she could only do so much. She was a very quiet loving mum, but conversation didn't go deep - no real talks about life and what to expect, we were kind of left to fend for ourselves. Basically, before this becomes a counselling session, we neer talked about much more thanthe weather of what other people are doing. The type of polite conversations you have with acquaintances and after awhile want to b__w your brains out. After now being married almost 12 years wih four kids to a man whose family is the exact opposite, (a bit too much!) I vowed to always speak openly and honestly about whys, whos, life answers, reality etc. Trying to instill pride, kindness, respect and control. Sorry, too long...just plain trying. Like everyone else on here trying to do their best after their own childhood - me too.


ash2 - March 10

Wow, these are really good answers....Where do i start ?? My dad was never much around growing up. My parents got divorced when i was 8 , so he wasnt there for the tough teenage years ! I do resent that. We saw him every other weeken and he remarried my moms best friend ( long story ) and whenever we went to his house my stepmom and him used to lock us out of the house all day and we would have to play outside with out step siblings for hours at a time while they " did their buissness "...My parents did fight in front of each other alot. I vow not to do that with DS ...however, i dont think that there should be always peace and quiet . I think that children need to know that not all the time people get along. My mom did her best to raise us 4 kids and she did very well, but there were some things i wish she would have changed. She used to take us over to her boyfriends house and spend the night. She would tounge kiss her boyfriends with us right there in the back seat. She didnt really talk to us about birds and bees and peer pressure. She let me have WAY too much freedom. There is no way my child will stay out untill 3am !She let my stepdad make the rules instead of her and the rules were sooooo unheard of !She didnt really urge me to participate in any school events like sports or extra ciricular activities...i think it is important to at least talk to them about getting involved into sports and stuff. She never came to any PTA meetings. She made me ride the bus...i could go on and on, but she overall made sure i was in church every sunday and made sure i knew it was very important ! My dad didnt even show up to my graduation because he said he was embarrased because i didnt recieve enough credits to impress him. He didnt come down enough to see us ( and still doesnt ) . He drinks, smokes, just found out he does drugs. One thing that i also vow is that i will be a very important part of my grandchilds life ! My mom never makes the effort to come and see them. She sees them at church and thinks that is " quality time ...huh.....She never calls to say " ya know, i wanna cook dinner for you guys , or come on over with the kids and you guys can go out !"....nopw , never. She acts very teenage like when she still trys to impress my dad, and she doesnt know that it makes her look stupid. This past week my grandfather pa__sed away and we had no-one to watch the kids. Well she could have volunteered to do it, and she didnt because she wanted to be a prt of it to p__s off my stepmom ! She has not been in the family for 17 years ! If i never do nothing, i will be very involved into my childs life. I will teach them that it is okay to mess up , and i love them no mater what . I will let them know that i would love for them to be a part of sports, but if they dont like it, they dont have to be. I will let them know how to respect their elders and love mom and dad and never disrespect us. I will make my house a home and loving as can be. I will not argure or fight in front of DS...but i think it is okay to disagree. I will give hugs and kisses everyday, and be a part of anything they do. I will not give them anything they want, they need to know they have to EARN IT. I will treat my children equally and not make the other feel like the other is more important. Most of all , i will love them to my fullest extent .....


EricaG - March 10

Well, my parents were divorced when I was 18 months old and before I was 16 they had both remarried twice, my mom is still with her 3rd husband, my father is now divorced from his 3rd wife. Before I was 16 I moved a total of 10 times. Both of my parents have made very bad parenting mistakes including but not limited abuse both emotional and physcal. I should mention that my dad has bipolar disorder which he refuses to medicated for or even have counseling. Because of the way I was raised and the childhood I lived I have issues with trust , abandonment, stability, men, and anger. And also suffer from depression, anxiety, and ocd. but somehow I am actually a pretty decent person, I'm kind and loving and considerate of other people's feelings. So what I would like to do that my parents didn't do is to provide in general a stable, loving home. A soft place to fall and a place where it's ok to show your feelings and I won't ridicule them the way I was ridiculed. I just want to give them love and stability.


mommie2be - March 10

Great topic Mandee!!! I agree with many of these.. My own personal goal is to not consolidate siblings when they're get into trouble. For example, when I was growing up, my brother would do something and I had ABSOLUTELY nothing to do with it, my mom would say "now you two!" and we'd both get in trouble (and vice versa). THAT DROVE ME UP A WALL! I just want to be able to discern the responsible and handle appropriately. Other than that, I absolutely agree with not fighting in front of the kids... but I'm inclined to think it's harder to avoid when they get older. Guess I'll cross that bridge when I get to it.



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