Pick Baby Up Or Let Them Cry

23 Replies
Nicole1 - May 16

I would like to take a poll. My dh and I have a different opinion and it is causing alot of problems. We have a 4 week old on Thur. He is a very fussy baby and is getting worse by the day. We have him on reflux medicine and before that tried Mylicon for gas. Nothing has worked. He cries and cries. He also does not like to sleep during the day. He gets maybe two 20 min naps although I try all day to get him to go to sleep. My dh said to let him cry and I don't feel like it is right with a baby so young. I am scared this is going to go on for a few months. I don't know what to do. Has anyone had a young baby that they let cry? Or do you pick him up?


LisaB - May 16

I'd pick him up a baby that young can NOT be spoiled a baby that young only cries because he needs something or is uncomfortable having said that have you tried to swaddle him? When I was still in the hospital my ds was screaming and the nurse came in had me take my shirt off stripped down my ds and had me lay him on my chest then covered him up when all else fails this has always worked. I had a pretty easy newborn but my ds is now 6 months and its going down hill he has become very fussy so I feel for you!! Good luck


Bonnie - May 16

I have done the CIO thing, but you don't want to do that if teh reflux is not under control. What meds is he on? Maybe he needs something different. We went through 3 different meds (and had to see a GI specialist) before it worked. For now, hold him as much as you can since he is still in pain. However, don't be afraid to put him down for 30 minutes here and there so YOU can take a break. My son was inconsolable and would cry up to 10 hours non-stop back then. I can't even explain to people what it was like. At some point, you have to learn to take 30 minute breaks and eat, shower, pee, etc. lol. That's not going to hurt the baby and you will need it. But as for full on CIO, I would not do it yet.


Chelle - May 16

Im my opinion you shouldn't let a baby that young just sit there and cry. Hold him as much as he wants. LIke LisaB said, at that age your baby is crying because he needs something, even if it's just to be close to you. He's not crying for no reason. If you're not already, I would suggest swaddling also. Also, call his ped and ask about trying another kind of reflux med. Good luck and I feel for you, my daughter went through that stage also.


nic nac - May 18

At that age and due to his reflux i say thumbs down to CIO. CIO should be used when they are about 6 months. prior to that they feel abandoned and just have to be taught how to sleep. They need to know they can count on you to be there. You are their security. If they dont' trust you it makes them feel unloved. Remember they don't know how to live in our world yet and everything must be taught. Hold him as much as needed. Your dh just doesn't know any better.


pbj - May 18

I agree to not allow a baby of that young an age to CIO. They want/need to be held. Remember just a few weeks ago your LO was safe and warm in your belly, he/she needs to feel secure.


HannahBaby - May 18

i wouldent let him cry


taral - May 18

Nicole1, I don't think it hurts to let your baby cry for a little while. I believe some babies need to cry to settle down. It is important for your baby to get some sleep and sometimes crying will help them. I am not suggesting hours of crying, but ten minutes crying, with you settling him will not hurt him. I know with my baby (also 4 weeks old), he needs to cry for a few minutes (usually 5 min. or so) or he doesn't take good naps. If he doesn't get his fussing out, he will only nap for 30 min or so, but with a few min of crying, he will sleep for about 2 hours. I agree that the reflux needs to be under control, but maybe you could have him sleep in his car seat or chair (so he is upright) and then you don't have to worry about the reflux so much. Good luck, whatever you decide.


Bonnie - May 18

The only problem, is that when reflux is not under control you have a baby screaming in pain. So I am against CIO until the reflux is WELL under control. BUT.....as I said. It is okay to let them cry for 20-230 minutes here and there so that mom can take a small break, get a shower, eat some food,etc. Mason used to cry for 8-10 hour stretches non-stop! I could not put him down because I felt bad that he was in pain. It got to the point where I wasn't eating and hadn't showered in 3 days (eeew, lol). It took the ped, the GI, the OB, AND the nurse to reiterate to me many times over that I had to learn to set him down long enough to take care of a few basic needs. It's easy to forget that kind of stuff when you are so desperate to fix a problem that you can't fix.


Bonnie - May 18

lol 30 minutes, not 230! rofl


kimberley - May 18

If your baby has reflux and is not being controled, the crying will in turn make the reflux worse :( My DD is now 3 1/2 months old, and I literally spent the first 10 weeks holding rocking her all day....she sleeps excellet at night, but would only cat nap during the day, and only if I was holding her. Now her medicine has kicked in, and we have found the right formula she is a different baby......Hang in there, it will get better, but until then, dont plan to do a lot during the day. Also, have you got someone who can give you a break during the day? It is tiring and demanding...and the first 10-14 weeks is the hardest, IMHO.


meme - May 18

You'll hear a million different opinions on this. I & my husband pick up our baby whenever he cries. He's almost 3 weeks old, and we don't feel like it will spoil him. If anything, we think it is making him feel secure in that his needs are being taken care of on demand. He also sleeps with us. Sure, he's fussy... I don't believe you'll find a single baby this young who's digestive system isn't still developing. Anyway, babies are hella smart... but I don't think they can manipulate at such a young age. Crying is communication.


julieB - May 19

absolutely pick him up.. my ds was the same, starting at 3 weeks.. I asked a ? similar to you because my ds wanted me to use the CIO method way too early ... I did not listen to him and now he is 9 weeks and 3 days old and I have to say he is much better..


Jamie - May 19

My opinion is always pick up the baby. You can pick up the baby, comfort it, and set him back down again, and then get down right next to the baby, pretty much in his face...gradually back away, but keep speaking to the baby, so he can hear you as well as see you, and he will realize that it's okay to not be held all the time. This worked when my daughter was that young, and it's working again now that she's 9 months and dealing with separation anxiety. It is a slow process, but I feel it is a much gentler way to teach the baby, than just "cry it out"


Bonnie - May 19

Nicole, I meant to ask what reflux med is he on and how long has he been on it? Do you think it is possible he is still having reflux pain and needs a stronger med?


Ca__sieSong - May 19

My dd was extremely fussy as a newborn as well. I did the same thing you are doing... tried to get her to sleep all day. I knew she needed the sleep, but lots of times she just would not calm down enough or relax. At 10 weeks we finally got her on reflux meds and that helped. Besides that, what helped the most was for me to put on music (I chose musicals like Sound of Music) and walked her around the livingroom, singing as I went. It would usually take 15-20 minutes and then she'd be asleep. I ended up doing this like 4 times a day just to get her to sleep, but there was no other way. It was completely exhausting. My dd is now almost 5.5 months and takes 2-3 naps a day.... usually without a fuss. It gets better! But yes... just as all the other ladies said, pick up the baby. Also, try to get help once in a while because you'll need to take care of YOU.


Nicole1 - May 19

Thanks for the advice. BONNIE we have him on Axid it seems to help but in the last few days he spits up alot of milk everytime he eats. Anyone have a medicine they really like? He has only been on the medicine for 1.5 weeks. I am picking him up when he cries and my dh is also. There has been a few times where he cries and cries and I feel like he needs to get it our for a min or two...then when I pick him up he is a ton better. Thanks for all your advice...it is mothers instinct to pick him up rock him and love him....it is hard because no I don't have anyone else to help me. I rock him for 1-2 hours before he will lay down to go to sleep and then we are up every hour all night long. I know it will get better....I hope soon.



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