Suggestions Anyone

7 Replies
Lisa - October 21

My daughter has a friend staying with us. She has just turned 16 and has a 4 week old baby. She doesn't seem to have any patience with the baby and loses her cool fairly easily when the baby is upset and cries. She is now bottle feeding and I realised yesterday that she isn't cleaning the bottles after the baby feeds, she just rinses them in water and re-uses them for the next feed. I washed and sterilised them all last night and again this morning. She has been here a week and I finally convinced her last night to give the baby a bath to settle her, she said it had been too cold to bath her. I am trying to help her as best I can without intefering, and told her that if she doesn't wash the bottles properly that her baby could become very ill. I think she feels that I am interfering, but I just want to advise her, its very frustrating.... she has no idea how to deal with the baby. How can I help her without making her feel inadequate or that I am 'taking over'?? The baby has travelled to 3 different states since she was born and she seems very unsettled with all the travelling, change of diet etc. How do i approach this? I am really concerned for the baby, she is a lovely girl, just needs to be educated about the bub.


leslie - October 21

God, I don't have any suggestions but I hope that you can help her..I feel so bad for her and the baby.. if you don't mind me asking where is the father? or her family?


Jenn... - October 21

Talk about being stuck between a rock and a hard place! A new mother can easily mistake kind guidance as rude critisism. As far as the bottle situation, it sounds like she is just being lazy. Do you have a dishwasher? If so that would be a good way out. It gets hot enough in the heat dry mode that it sterilizes, but it wouldn't be much work for her to do this. Maybe you could buy her a book as gift about caring for a baby. By doing this she will (as long as she reads it) educate herself on caring (and the consequences of not caring) for her baby and hopefully her informed parenting will be an improvement. Best of luck!


Lisa - October 22

The father of the baby still goes to school and lives in another state. I don't know much about her family, she lives with her father and his girlfriend, I don't know how involved they are with her and the baby. Before she came over to stay with us, I asked if she wanted me to speak to her dad and ensure that she would be in safe hands here, but she insisted that he was totally cool about her coming over. Seemed a bit odd. I think you have made a good suggestion with the book Jenn. She is quite lazy and doesn't seem to put a lot of effort into anything she does, not sure if that is just ignorance or lack of caring or what. She is only here for one more week, I hope her parents are better able to advise her, she may not take it so personally coming from them. My baby is 8 months old and it can get quite stressful at times having a newborn here too.


Kimberley - October 22

Hey Lisa, I can sympathise with you :) My son and his grilfriend have a 12 week old son (my grandson) they have both just turned 18. The girlfriend seems exactly the same as your 16 yr old friend. I get so frustarted.......She gets easily stressed out at the baby when he cries, is lazy all c___p....My son on the other hand has been great, but he worries when he is at work that his girlfriend will lose it :( I have now started having him twice a week to give her (and my son and grandson) a break. I try to give advice, without seeming bossy. I myself am 22 weeks pregnant and have had the worst morning sickness plus I work......and have 2 children 11 and 13.....I get really depressed worrying about my grandson. I think, some young ones have no idea how much work a baby is, and at the same time see it as a huge CHORE, and dont ENJOY their new baby.....When I have my grandson he smiles at me all day, I talk to him all day.....It is a joy to have him here, there is no chore about it. But to my sons girlfriend....its a race to get his bottle stuffed into him, and rock him off to sleep..... He sleeps 11 hours a night, but is awake most of thhe day....of which I said to her, at least you get your night sleep, she seems to want him to sleep all day too.......I said if he does this, when will he learn...and grow. I could go on and I better finish up now. I think young mothers/first time mothers need extra support, and need to be taught the skills of looking after a sterilising bottles, and the consequences if they dont, and how talking to your baby, helps them to learn etc etc....... If anyone else has any advice on how to deal with this, please add your bit.


Amaya's mommy aka Stephanie - October 22

If she is not familiar with your state or even city, maybe look into a mothers group, since you have a baby also maybe you could go and then invite her. The book is a good idea if she will read it, if not, good luck! The dishwasher is always great. Also, the playtex bottles are wonderful, you only have to wash the nipples, maybe get her a couple of those and then a couple packs of nipples and she can sterilize just once a day or so. Good luck, but you have to remember that she is a new mom and she is moving around alot, it is probably not her fault and certainly not the babys. Just remeber to have patience and maybe just sit down and talk to her woman to woman, there probably hasnt been anyone that has done that since she had the baby. Everyone still sees her as a child and maybe she is but she has one herself now! Maybe she just wants acceptance.


Lisa - October 23

I bought a great book for her yesterday, everything there is to know from birth to age 2. I really hope she reads it! She is only staying one more week. I had a good talk to her yesterday, hopefully she took in some of the advice I gave her. You are right Stephanie, she is a new mum and I remember what it was like with my first too, I had no idea! My main concern is that she keeps her cool when the baby plays up and won't sleep, she doesn't cope very well at all with that. I am sure her father and stepmother will pick up on anything of concern, bub is only 4 weeks old....dear little baby she is too. Thanks


Pam - October 23

I too rinses them in warm water with a bottle brush and re-use them for the next feeding. But I sterilized them once a day with a sterilizer. I was told by the hospital nurse to wash it this way. In fact, no one told me to sterilize it with hot water. I just did it for additional safety. What soap do you use to clean the bottle? How often do you sterilise it with hot water? What is the whole procedure??



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