TMI But I REALLY Think My Hubby Is Having An Affair

20 Replies
tnmommyof2 - February 9

I really think my hubby is having an affair and I don't know what to do. Lately he's been "working late" but yet there is no overtime on his checks. When I brought this up, he said that he' ll just have to get them to cut him another check. Then, he's been going out to eat for lunch at really expensive restaurants. $15-$20 for lunch? When I ask, he says that it was just expensive or that he bought his co-worker lunch. His co-worker is a friend and they've worked together for years. Then I was using his cell phone because I couldn't find mine and he has deleted all his recent received and sent calls. PLUS and this is really TMI and I'm sorry. Last night he was frisky and asked me to...ya know, and I started to and I could tell that he'd had a condom or something on. (GROSS I know!) I got upset and asked him about it and he said that he of course hadn't and that it was just from where I had brushed my teeth a few minutes earlier and it was toothpaste aftertaste. What should I do. I don't know what to think! We've been together for so long and he knows how I feel about cheating and he's always sworn not to but how do I believe him after all this?


Lisastar9 - February 9

I am not sure how either but I hope you get some answerts. Sorry you are going though this uncertianity.


SonyaM - February 9

Sounds supsicious to me. Can you get a record from the phone company of his phone history. We do on our phones every month. Have you tried calling him at work when he's supposed to be working late? Or even popping in to bring him dinner since he is working late. Makes you look nice while collecting any information you may need. Keep us updated and I'm sorry you're going though this. That sucks.


LisaB - February 9

I'm with Sonya you can track down all of his calls on the cell phone bill. I had to do that once to pove I called my work (back in my flight attendant days) anyhoo track the boy down and see if hes were he should be. I hope hes not having an affair!!!


luviduvi - February 9

First off, I'm really sorry that you are going through this, even if its just mere doubt. Are you sure, the phone, the lunches, the checks aren't paranoia or coincidences? I think at some point in a lot of peoples marriages we may suggest infidelity to ourselves. What is mentioned above leaves a lot of doubt which can cause a persons brain to pull tricks on them, example, dh smelling like a condom. Keep that in mind, you are already suspicious and you will begin to tie EVERYTHING into one another. It happens, it's not you. I really hope this helps you think and that dh is not going behind your back. If it happens that he is, I will need his name and address! WhOOP A**!!!


k.p.j.e. - February 9

Ok I am not trying to fuel the fire your instincts! If I had all that evidence I would be just as paranoid if not more than you! Oh I am so sorry you are dealing w/ this. I don't know you or anything but even I am mad at him!! :) Anyway how long have you two been married? Just wondering. If longer thana year or two, I would say you know enough about his habits to know whats going on. Do what ever you have to do without driving yourself crazy sneaking around. Good luck!!


k.p.j.e. - February 9

BTW--the taste of a p___s that had a condom on it tastes much different than toothpaste aftertaste!!! lol I know TMI but come on! Does he think you are crazy? :) Sorry for the outburst but I just can't believe that.


Rabbits07 - February 10

I would follow SonyaM's suggestions on doing some more detective work on this one. Of course as luviduvi mentioned sometimes things that are nothing may cause suspicion and then we begin tying things together that don't really relate, BUT if I were in your situation I would be highly suspicious as well.


Felisha - February 10

i have to put my two cents in. I know how frustrating the worry can be and i am sorry you have doubt, but before you go playing the blame game with him make sure it is not insecurities you are having in yourself right now that is making you feel this way. and then if you figure its not just you feeling down on yourself then investigate. i by no means am trying to say it is you but if it turns out to be and you accuse him and snoop as if you dotn trust him and he isnt having an affair then that could potentionally ruin your realationship. just be honest with yourself and honest with him because if ya'll have been together fo that long then you would be mad at yourself if it turned out nothing was going on


EMBERBABY - February 11

I would personally not accuse him of anything just yet. But your gut feeling is something you should listen to. When you have been with someone for a long time you know them very well you USUALLY (not always of course) can tell if they are lying. Follow your intuition and good luck to you.


Kara H. - February 11

Personally, just the missing overtime would be enough for me to make life really unpleasant for my hubby, not to mention the amount that is getting spent on lunch. Whether he is cheating or not, there is missing money from your family's budget and just like an auditor whould be busting a__ses at a company for missing funds, so should you. I would really start pushing the money issue hard. I would even threated to call HR to find where the missing funds are. It may be enough to make his fess up what he is doing with his time and your money. I don't think there is anything wrong at all with checking up on our hubby and making sure he is where he is supposed to be. I think it is so incredibly niave to bring up the whole trust thing. This is your health we are talking about here! He could bring home any one of a list of nasties to you. If you don't have a car, borrow one. Go to his job and meet him there to surprise him with dinner, lunch, whatever. Start holding him accountable for his time and money. You two are partners and you have a right to know what's happening in those two areas.


ash2 - February 11

The overtime is a little suspicious to me.


AmyB - February 11

wow...tnmommy i am so sorry for your dilema but you know your gut is usually right i would try and follow him from work to lunch without getting caught,,that is something you need to know good luck and i hope you are just being overly suspicious


pinkbo0tlace - February 12

Hey dear, Oh, wow...I guess I'm not sure WHAT to say...except I really hope what you think is happening really isn't. That would be heartbreaking. All I can really honestly say is keep relaxed... you would feel like a silly goose if you flipped out on him and he was innocent (hehe..) BUT at the same time...keep your guard up AND eyes open. I KNOW this may sound horrible and a little invading, but I would probably wait until he is asleep and go through his pockets of his dirty laundry, check the car, etc.. for anything. Than, if possible, I would pop in his work and give him a "suprise" lunch or something...If it gets REALLY bad, personally I would probably get a sitter and barrow someone elses car, wear a hat and sungla__ses, and when he says he has to "work late" I would probably wait someplace by his work and then if you see him leaving his workplace...fallow him to where ever he is "going" and if it is a hotel, house, .... then you know somewhat of what is going on. I'm sorry to say to be so sneaky but most men just don't admit to stuff like that, lol.


Smilefull - February 12

If your suspicious it's worth figuring it out. My hubby used to go to the gym...for three hours at a time, and I just started taking note on what days. It turned out to be every monday---and then I started saying "No one goes to the gym for three hours at a time"---and he started saying "oh, my boss wants me to go in for three hours"---and I was like, okay, you're so caught. But let them dig their own hole. Keep taking notes. Eventually you'll catch them. Turned out myhusband was smoking pot with his friend. We've worked through that issue now---but it took some work. Hope that helps. There is hope.


Rans - February 14

tnmommyof2, are you around? I have been thinking of you and hope you are doing okay.


tnmommyof2 - February 15

Thanks for all your support. I tried to talk to him the other day. It ended with me crying and him denying that he's been cheating and turning things around on me. He said that if I don't quit accusing him and blaming him for my insecurities he's going to go crazy. About the $$ on lunch he said if it'd make me feel better he just wouldn't eat lunch. Valentines day came and went with not even a Happy Valentines Day from him. I'm so unhappy! :0(



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