To Sleep With Or Not To

12 Replies
AmyF - August 16

I am not a mother yet (m/c 1/26/05) and my friend is almost due on 9/23. At her baby shower I gave, a new mother at the party has a 7-week old baby and says that she sleeps with him in her bed. She said that 'she read in a book' that it was okay, but my friend who is going to have a baby is a L&D Nurse and thought you aren't supposed to? Thoughts?


MM - August 16

I would not put my child in bed with me. I have had friends that have done this and when their kids are 5 or sometimes older they wont go into their own beds. My daughter went right to the crib. No basinet in the bedroom just in her own room in her crib. She never slept with us. One time when my hubby was out of town i wanted her to sleep next to me. She was about 9 ish months and she would not lay down and sleep until i put her in her crib. Every now and then she wants to crawl in with us. She is 4 1/2 so here and there is fine with me. Like if she had a bad dream or wants to lay in bed with me before my dh comes to the room. BUT NEVER let your child constantly sleep with you./ Big problems will arise


Tdiddy - August 16

I really would be afraid to put a tiny baby in the bed with me as wild as I sleep. The poor thing would likely get smooshed!! LOL. But, seriously, I have heard of the "attachment parenting" approach that includes the child sleeping in your bed until HE or SHE is ready to move to their own space. (??) I do not get it, I do not agree with it, but if it works for other folks, more power to them. My doctor told me that method was risky for the baby (smashing by accident, falling off the bed, suffocation) and it was best to lay the child on it's back to sleep in the baby's own designated sleep area. I would a__sume it's OK for an older child, but then you will spoil them and never get them out of your bed either way!! Ha! Go figure.


Michelle - August 16

I am guilty of this one ladies. Our daughter is 13 months and sleeps with us. Biggest mistake I have ever made. I was never allowed as a child to sleep with my parents, so why do I do it....dont know. Anyhow have any recommendations on how to break her of this habit? I have another one on the way and this one is NOT!! sleeping me with me and my husband. ~sigh~


K - August 16

Hi there. My son (who is 21 months now) slept with us until he was 13 months old. Before he was born I swore I wouldn't put him in bed with us, but things happen...Anyway, he ended up with us in a sleep positioner at first until he out grew it. It worked great for us. Once we decided to move him to his own room (and take away the binky) he transitioned in 1 night. It shocked us both. He still sleeps all night in there w/o needing us. Sometimes you have to do whatever you can so that everyone gets some sleep in the early months. And since I'm a light sleeper I felt comfortable having him in bed, I would wake up if he needed me or if I was going to move or something. It doesn't work for everyone, but having him in bed with me didn't mean he'd have a hard time later on.


Tahlia's Mama - August 16

Sorry about ur m/c AmyF. I went through it too, but now have a beautiful and healthy 3 1/2 month old. Anyway, we tried having her in the bed with us, but I kept having these dreams that she was rolling out, or we were squashing her. So I had to put her in her own bed. I still have these dreams sometimes, and grab my DH like he is Tahlia (lol). So having her in her own bed, and now her own room is working for us.


E - August 17

Aja slept with me (dh in other room) for the first 4 months, and he gradually became more comfortable in his bed. It was a process, and I could not make him sleep alone if he was not comfortable doing so. It is in my nature to want to protect him as much as possible, and I felt he was safest, snug in bed with me. There is a book by Dr. Sears, which promotes co-sleeping, with the argument that most cultures, with exception of the "American" culture, sleep in a family bed. After spending such quality time in the womb, I could not isolate my baby from the warmth of my body/touch until he felt ready, and displayed such cues. He is 5 months now, and he loves his crib:) There is nothing wrong with a mother that wants to keep her baby close at night. You can take measures to a__sure that your bed is safe. Oh, I forgot to add that co-sleeping is often the result of the mother needing some sleep, and she has no other choice but to bring her baby to bed with her. Breastfeeding is convenient when you can roll over without disturbing your child.


E - August 17

Also, I SWORE I would not co-sleep, or do several other things I do, before he was born. It is funny how your ideas/behaviors change... I always said I was not going to hold my baby up in the air and smell his diaper in public, LOL!! I have caught myself doing just that, without realizing.


Jenn.. - August 17

My baby sleeps in bed with me. I tried otherwise for the first 3 weeks and neither of us slept, and he was not gaining much weight. I took Dr. Sears advice and tried putting him in my bed. That was the first time we could both get a decent night's sleep and my baby has been gaining well since then. It is not the best option for every family but it is for mine. Dr. James McKenna of the University of Notre Dame has done much research and case studies on this and his findings are amazing. Try to google him if you are considering co-sleeping for your family.


off subject to Tdiddy - August 17

Are you going to drop the T?


Katharine - August 17

We are co-sleeping with great results. We all actually sleep at night and baby gets plenty to eat. My first didn't sleep in our bed and we have still had plenty of sleeping issues with her over the years. Safety is my main concern-we use a bedrail and put her between it and me, keep pillows and blankets away from her, and take steps to avoid overheating.


nicksmommie - August 18

i mean my son slept in the bed right next to me...(it was easier since i was b___stfeeding) and i mean nothing ever happened to him.....i think its fine...but i would say at least try making the baby at least take naps in a crib when its very little so it knows the crib is okay n its okay to sleep by themselves...i just recently got my son to sleep in his own crib...(he was 8 months...hes now 9 months)....


no no no no!!! - August 18

Cribs were invented in the 1800's because infants would sleep in the bed with their parents and they would die because the parents would roll over on the babies smothering them. I am a Child Protective Social Worker and just yesterday received a report from law enforcement about a mother rolling over on her 9 month old killing her. The 9 month old has a twin, who was safe sleeping in the crib. Please tell your friend not to do this. It is so dangerous and heartbreaking. And to those of you that have had their child sleep in bed with them, please don't do that anymore. I understand what people say that it is good for bonding, but please rethink this. Bonding will do you no good if you kill your baby, Sorry to say that so harshly, but the truth of the matter is that no one knows what they do when they sleep, you can say you would know if you would do that, but it only takes a second. Use a crib!!!



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