Who Knows-pg117165530033

13 Replies
USMC_wife - February 16

I don't know what I'm going to do about my IUD. I get pregnant soooo easy, which is why we chose this method. I just don't know. I want to have it taken out....but bc pills make me horribly sick and hateful. I am positive if I don't use some sort of definite contraceptive I will be pregnant again, and we are so not ready for another baby. I think now I'm at the point where I'm kind of getting mad.....weird emotions. Maybe more scared than mad. We want to have another baby in a couple years, so neither of us want to get fixed right now. This is so frustrating. I'm scared to keep my IUD because of this happening. I mean, how weird is it to just sit and wait to see if it happens again, but what if it doesn't happen again.....I'm so stressed out and confused about what I should do. I have been thinking about it all day. I knew I was pregnant, I just knew it. I get sore br___ts, queasy, and the craving thing IMMEDIATELY. With my youngest dd, I knew before the test would even show up positive. Somehow I feel guilty, like maybe if I would have had my IUD taken out sooner the baby would be alive. My MIL had the audacity to say "Well, it's for the best though. You guys aren't ready for another one anyways. And maybe there would have been something wrong with it ." WTF!!!! Like I'm looking for HER to give me some sort of justification as to why this happened. I shouldn't have even said anything to her. Sometimes she just doesn't think before she opens her mouth. I wanted to throw rabbid animals at her!! All this from someone who had an abortion many years earlier and has never actually had a baby. (Dh's stepmom) ARGH!!! Sorry, you guys must think I'm nuts now. I guess this turned into a vent. My emotions are in a whirlwind right now. This is the only place I can come to and completely open up. Nobody has said anything stupid or mean to me here, thanks for listening.


Shana B - February 16

Well, as far as your mil, try not to worry about her. Some people don't realize what a m/c does to a someone emotionally. I know when I had mine, I was told "don't worry, you'll have another one" Yeah, but I wanted that one kwim? Anyway, there is something new called the Nuva ring. It's inserted like an IUD (I think). I'm not sure how it works, but I have seen lots of commercials about it. I'm kindof debating having my IUD taken out b/c I wasn't aware that it worked that way either. You are definately in my thoughts however. Does your Gyno have any suggestions?


Emily - February 16

You would not believe some of the stupid things people say. My own aunt said to my mom (thank God she didn't say it to me cause that whole respect your elders thing would have so gone out the window and I would be in prison for murder) she said to my mom that well they didn't want to be pregnant so now they are not. What? What kind of thing is that to say. A co-worker of mine told me that maybe I just got pregnant too soon after having Mary. (Mary was 10 mos when I conceived, 11 mos when I found out, and 12 mos when we m/c) Huh!? She should know better than anyone about the stupid things people say. I mean she had trouble conceiving and they did IVF. My mom who was as devastated as I was, said it was for the best, there was probably something wrong and you don’t want the burden your aunt has (another of my aunts has three disabled children) I mean okay so what if I didn't ask for the burden, I wouldn't wish my child dead. I already had one child so thank goodness no one said to me at least you know you can get pregnant now. But I did hear, you can have another and well be thankful for the one you have…..I mean they all meant well but seriously, you do not say things like that to someone whose hormones and emotions are going crazy. I am sorry you are going through this. I personally think I would get rid of the thing or at least use a secondary form of birth control. I too get pregnant easily. ( it only took me two cycles - 4mos - to conceive my first, got pregnant on birth control, and then got pregnant only one cycle after my m/c - my doc even said we were apparently very fertile! ) I am thankful that regular combined birth control work for us. Apparently the mini pill + b___stfeeding was not birth control enough, but the regular pill worked for three years. I hope I don’t get pregnant before I stop nursing again and then I plan on getting myself some real bc. We are using the mini pill + b___stfeeding + no s_x during ovulation. We will see how well that works but my mom told us we might want to sleep in separate rooms cause apparently just looking at me when I ovulate is enough to get me pregnant. I understand your emotions or at least can relate somewhat. Know we are all here for you! If you need to talk feel free to e-mail me. nesub*at*yahoo.com. Anyway hope you get ot feeling better. Believe me it will get better and then when you least expect it, it will all come slamming back again. It will get easier. Good luck to you and I hope you find a bc option you can live with.


Emily - February 16

I think the nuva ring is a v____al ring you insert yourself, but not sure. Also read about this little thing iserted in your arm. It releases hormones like the pill so if the pill isn't for you - this thing might not be either. I can't even remember the name of it!


vonzo - February 16

after we had our dd we booked an appointment at the family planning clinic and got them to go through every single method of contraception going so we could decide which ones best. Maybe you could book an appt for you and dh to go and talk to someone about how you're feeling and what kind of thing you want? I have the contraceptive patch...no idea what it's like yet because im waiting on AF to arrive so i can put it on, but i'll give you an update if you like when i finally get to use it! I was on the pill but i fell pregnant on it i can't remember if i was sick or forgot to take it so don't know if im super fertile or what happened there :o) but thought i had better try something new just incase. As for your MIL some people can be so insenstive. Try and let her words wash over you, you don't need her words adding to your grief!


vonzo - February 16

Emily its called an implant. You can see it under your skin. If you tend to gain weight easily you probably will with that as it increases your appet_te quite alot. But otherwise it's known to work very well. It stops ovulation like the pill.


Emily - February 16

oh sorry to keep pestering you. I would liek to share some things that helped me deal. No one in my family really understood as my mom had never had a m/c and I am the only of my sisters who is married and none of my aunts had a m/c so I felt so alone and no one wanted to talk about it, they jsut wanted to forget. anyway I kept a journal and wrote a poem and I talked to those I could trust most. I ranted on here a lot. (the signs of preg foreum, I am on a thread there) I also set up a page on my piczo site for my little angel......you can see it if you want. It is emfrank.piczo.com - it is the page marked our little angel.....also got a christmas orniment with the baby frank (our last name) and 2005 put on it to hang on the tree every year. Mary has one that has her name and 2004 and I have one fore Marcy with her name and 2006 on it. just some thoughts. My mo also got me a necklace for my lost lo......


Rhiannon - February 16

I am so sorry. I didn't realize you lost the baby. Even if it was a surprise, you get attached so easily. Your MIL is a callous b****. Maybe you should use multiple forms of bc, like condoms and the IUD. I don't know, I hate condoms. Only people who have lost a baby really understand that there is nothing to say, so maybe the only thing to say is "sorry" I heard everything when I lost my first, even people saying "oh well." WTF????


aurorabunny - February 16

I will second the fact that people come out with some of the dumbest things after you've miscarried thinking they are making it better! My first pregnancy ended in miscarriage at almost 4 months and my then MIL told me all of them in the book "If you miscarried, it was probably retarded and you wouldn't want it anyways" "You can always have another, you're young" yadayadah. It was awful. It was a horrible experience to go through and I'm sorry you went through it too. =( Just remember whatever emotions you are having right now you are ent_tled to have all of them, despite what rude comments other people may have to say!! I hope things start looking up for you soon. And BTW, I never knew that about IUDs and I agree that it is pretty messed up that the doctors don't tell us this stuff.


luviduvi - February 16

Shana had mentioned the nuva ring and I have been on that before. I really liked except you have to remember to take it out every three weeks and insert a new one after you 7 day break period and it caused a lot of cramping for me. Other than that, I loved it.......but, my doc had suggested the IUD for me. I don't like the way it works in your case either but since I can't have more children, it's one of the best choices for me. I can say that the IUD is intended to be used in other ways eg, blocking sperm etc. and that what has happened to you is a back up method. I am so sorry that this is how it happened for you and I am now I would feel the same way you do. As for your emotions, you know you don't have to apologize to us and you certainly shouldn't have to explain them to anyone. I am thinking of you.......


Rabbits07 - February 17

I had a lot of people say really stupid things to me after my miscarriage, too. I think for the most part people really are trying to say things to make you feel better about what happened, but don't really realize how insensitive what they are saying is. My mom was actually the worst. She said things like, "well at least you have 5 other healthy kids." and the cla__sic, "there was probably something wrong with it." and one person even asked, "well, it wasn't planned was it?"....like it didn't matter if it wasn't planned. I know when I had my m/c it was the worst experience of my life. I wouldn't speak to anyone for weeks (aside my dh and kids) and even dropped out of school. I do want to say that you have to realize that this is not your fault. I think the blaming yourself is part of the grieving process as everyone that I've talked to that has ever had a m/c done it. I rethought over and over everything I had done and everything I had ate, drank, meds I had taken before I found out that I was pregnant. I kept thinking that I needed to know WHY it had happened and whether it was my fault or not. As far as the IUD.....if I were in your shoes I would go ahead and have it removed and use another form of b/c. The fact of the matter is that this same thing could easily happen again and if you don't feel like it is something you can deal with then it's probably not the best method of b/c for you. Have you considered a diaphragm? That is what I have as I can't use hormonal contraceptives either and find condoms very irritating. The diaphragm is like 98% effective when used correctly and with a spermicide so it is pretty effective. It's also easy to use. I think it is a very good non-hormonal alternative of b/c. I will also mention that none of my pregnancies ever occurred while using a diaphragm. (thought I would mention that since I've been preg 7 times....didn't want you to think it was because my b/c failed).


CyndiG - February 17

I agree with everyone about the comments people make. I know that I had a friend who miscarried and I tried to be supportive, but after I had my miscarriage, I went to her and apologized because I really didn't know how she felt. You can't know unless you've been there. Even my mom, who had an ectopic pregnancy said stupid things to me. She of all people should have known! I think that people think that if you miscarry early in the pregnancy that it's not the same as losing it later on or something. I don't care when it happens it's horrible! I got pregnant right after my miscarriage, and Carlie is 7 months old. She's such a blessing, and I know that if I hadn't lost the first baby, I wouldn't have her. And when I get to heaven, I'm going to have a new baby to rock and to love, but it doesn't make it any easier because I'd like to have both of them right now! Those are the kinds of thoughts that go through my head. Some are crazy some aren't, but they are all valid I think. So whatever you're feeling it's perfectly ok. BTW, you're comment about throwing rabid animals at your mil was hilarious!!!! I'd like to do that sometimes! :O} I used to use Nuva Ring. It's like one of those jelly bracelets the kids wear lots of at a time. You put it in yourself, tmi I know but you just push it in as far as you can and leave it. You can take it out if you want as long as you put it back in within a certain amount of time. I think it's like 2 or 3 hours. I used to take it out when we had s_x, my dh swore he could feel it. After the 3rd week you take it out and put another in after 7 days. It worked for me. I'm on the minipill right now, and was seriously considering an iud, but after your experience not now! I'm probably going to do the nuva ring again. Rabbits, how much time does it take to get the diaphragm in? Does it hinder spontanaity??


sahmof3 - February 17

Well, you can come on here and let it all out anytime!!!! I wish I'd had this forum when I went through mine. It seemed like I was allowed to be sad for about 1 day (the day of my D&C) and then ppl expected me to be over it. I also go the, "There was probably something wrong with it and you are lucky it happened" comment. And my one nephew's wife who had 12 month old TWINS already found out she was pregnant right after I m/c'd and decided to tell the whole family (dh's side) at Mother's Day dinner (bad time, anyway), when she knew I was there and had just m/c'd. Rabid animals would have been tame compared to what I was thinking ;-( So, whatever you are going through... sadness, anger, rage, whatever... feel free to let it out here!!!!


Rabbits07 - February 17

The diaphragm is pretty quick and easy. As far as if you decide on the spur of the moment and need to insert it, it really doesn't take all that much more time than a condom. You just have to apply spermicidal gel to the rim, pinch it shut and insert. If you KNOW ahead of time that you plan on getting frisky, you can insert it ahead of time....it should be worn for 6-8 hours after intercourse, but no longer than 24 hours at a time, but that's still a pretty big window of time.



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