i have been with my girlfriend for 5 months now, 3 of which she has been pregnant. But i am suspicious cos i used condom, she asked me not to and she will go on pill, 2 weeks later to my shock she is pregnant. Am i just one of those 99/1 unlucky ones. Anyway, i just dont want to be a Dad, been through alot recently and dont think i could cope as not strong. She wont have abortion. Now it seems all we do is argue, she lives with her 9yr old son, and i see her most nights, but now she asked me to stop coming down as much, and said she sees me more as a freind ?!?!? i am gutted and dont know what to do. She said its over, and i cant handle the rejection and not sure if she means it. Not even 100% sure its mine as not known her long enough, but she insist it is, but i have resentment towards her for getting pregnant, she knew from the start i didnt want that. Now shes pushing me away - one side of me thinks great, forget about her and move and pretend it never happened, but another side wants to be with her, eventhough she is totally abusive verbally and pulls me down, She still drinks wine, nearly a bottle a night and shes 3/4 months gone. I dreaded being in this position and just wish i could turn back the clock. Someone please advise. Do i need to be strong and be a man an be supportive, or have i got a right to be dissapointed in her for allowing herself to get pregnent, and can i walk away knowing there is possible my baby out there somewhere. I dont like the idea of paying 18 years maintaince either. I am messed up and need help before i go back on the drink bigtime !
missarose22 - July 8th, 2009 2:50 PM
So you used condoms and then you stopped and two weeks later you found out she was pregnant? I don't think it's possible for her to know she is pregnant at only two weeks. I'm not sure her body would have registered enough of the hormone to tell her. To me it seems a little weird that she would ask you to not where a condom and them bam she's pregnant. Do you know for sure how far along she is? I would get an ultra sound picture that will tell you on it. The worst reason to stay with someone is because they are pregnant. It will only make it worst for the baby and in this case her 9 year old kid. You can be there for her but if she really doesn't want to be with you then I would give her the distance but make sure she knows you are there for appts and when she needs you. As for the drinking I just pray you don't end up with a child with problems that is way too much for her to be drinking. She shouldn't be drinking at all! It's up to you but I would get a paternity test done before/after the baby is born just to be sure. Good luck.
pfletcer04167 - July 10th, 2009 2:38 PM
Met her 07/02/09, she asked me to stop condoms on the 09/03/09 and she wanted pill as she didnt like condoms, maybe alarm bells should have rang then, but i trusted her, It was late april she told me she was pregnant, went for scan with her, and nurse said baby conceived 26/03/09 and was 5wks 3 days old i think. If she does'nt want me - i feel rejected, and want nothing to do with her or baby as i didnt ask to be in this position, or should i be more of a man, and accept i played my part in this - or did she trap me ? She says she sees me as a friend now ?!?! We have agreed to have a break from eachother for atleast 1 week to see how we both feel. But how can i stay and support her feeling like a mug - be tricked and now have all this responsibility. Or what if after week break i decide ok shes tricked me, but i still love her and will try and be happy to be a father and support her - but she says no ? I feel i would hate her so much for sucking me in chewing me, then spitting me out like rubbish, and would want to stay away from her and the baby then. Eventhough i know deep down its not the babys fault - That is if i am the father ? I think I must be, dont think shes that bad a person she would let me think i was the father when there is a chance i was not, or could it be she wouldnt admit to cheating, there was a time i found message of another man - with x kiss marks - she said its just a freind ??? If we do decide to stay together, i still feel i would need to be 100% sure its mine - and have her and the baby an myself have a DNA test - but what will relationship be like then - she will het me for doing that.
missarose22 - July 10th, 2009 6:46 PM
It sounds like the baby could be yours but if you have any doubts then you should get a paternity test done. The fact is she didn't trick you at all. It was YOUR CHOICE to have s_x without a condom. The pill is NOT 100% effective so even if she was taking it she could still get pregnant. And how much trust can you have in someone that you've known for only one month? I think the worst thing people can do is stay together for the sake of a baby. I know they mean well but 99% of the time it doesn't work anyway. Most of the time it's not a healthy environment for a child to be raised in. You can still be a terrific father and not be with your ex but that's entirely up to you. It sounds like you don't want to shrink away from your responsibility but you need to remember that it's not just you and your ex anymore. There is going to be a baby that you will be responsible for. If in the end that's not something you want then that is your decision. But for now you can only tell your ex that you are here for her and let her have her space. It will only make it worst if you try to argue with her over what she's feeling and what you want. Good luck.
pfletcer04167 - July 11th, 2009 12:56 PM
I am sorry that is a typical womans view, it was her choice to have the baby, why else would she ask me to stop using condoms under the pretense 'she doesnt like them' ? She would never have been pregnant if she didnt decieve me. Its not fair on any man to be in my position. IT WAS HER CHOICE TO HAVE s_x WITHOUT A CONDOM AS SHE REASURRED ME SHE WILL MAKE SURE SHE WILL NOT GET PREGNANT. I am not a 99.9/1 % unlucky one, my only mistake was believing her. And yes there is or may be a baby i am going to be responsible for and i wish i could just walk away, but there is a matter of morals and personal feelings i feel i may not just be able to walk away from. SO IT IS NOT ''MY CHOICE ' as you say. It really is her doing the arguing, shes even told me to stop talking about my brother wh died 18 months ago cos it is doing her head in. She a heartless selfish b___h - but i am still drawn to her and keep grovelling and apologising to her. WHY ?? she has shown little interest in me. And its always me that does all the running round, shes got what she wanted now, her and her baby to be, her 9 year old son, and her house and new job. What have i got - NOTHING ?